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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 16, 2001, at 8:23:52
> I was sitting by a large window looking out onto the main street from a coffee shop I was at. I saw my Therapist walking down the street. I quickly pretended to scratch my head, to cover my face, in hopes she wouldn't see me as she walked by. I pretty sure she saw me, and worse probabally figured out I was hiding from her, ugh! I should of just waved to her through the window. I don't know why I hid my face from her. I'm sure that when I see her friday she'll bring it up, and I'll have to lie and tell her I didn't see her. Does anyone else feel weird when they see their therapist outside the offfice?
Posted by mila on May 16, 2001, at 10:27:11
In reply to Redirected: Seeing my therapist on the street, posted by Dr. Bob on May 16, 2001, at 8:23:52
Hi,
i completely understand the way you feel. It happens to me every time I see my private teacher whom I fired a year ago with the promise to get back to her which I never did. I feel like I owe her an apology, and seeing her reminds me that I never did.
I ditched my last therapist, and I guess if I saw him on the street, I would also want to hide. It was impolite of me to just not show up one day for the appointment. but then he never called me to ask whether I am alright either.
==I'll have to lie and tell her I didn't see her.
why, is the lack of trust that bad between you? would it be easier for you to bring this topic in the conversation first? explore the feelings you had, throw some light on it? why did you think it was wrong for her to see you in the coffee shop to begin with? Should you be some place else? Or may be you idealize her too much. She is just a person when she passes by the coffee shop on her way someplace else, not your therapist. Do you see her as an unpleasant person to greet in everyday circumstances? Is she dark, judgemental, derogatory?
let me know how's you friday encounter went. You have raised a good point.
mila
Posted by gen on May 16, 2001, at 11:21:17
In reply to Re: Seeing my therapist on the street, posted by mila on May 16, 2001, at 10:27:11
I don't think you have to lie. As others have said, this is actually standard procedure for meeting your therapist out in the world. It's up to you to decide whether or not you want to acknowledge the therapist. The therapist follows your lead. In many, if not most, group therapy situations, the group members agree not to acknowledge one another in public unless they've agreed in advance that it's OK. Really, you've done nothing wrong or rude, and you shouldn't worry! But I agree it would be good to talk to the therapist about your feelings surrounding this event.
Posted by Ted on May 16, 2001, at 12:49:58
In reply to Redirected: Seeing my therapist on the street, posted by Dr. Bob on May 16, 2001, at 8:23:52
Mindriot,
Please forgive me for asking, but why are you afraid of being seen by your therapist? Do you feel shameful for seeing a therapist? Remember, there is no problem with smiling and greeting politely -- no one has to know you are a patient (after all, therapists have friends & family too), and even if they do, why do you care?Please understand I am not criticizing or trying to make fun of you; I am just curious.
Ted
> > I was sitting by a large window looking out onto the main street from a coffee shop I was at. I saw my Therapist walking down the street. I quickly pretended to scratch my head, to cover my face, in hopes she wouldn't see me as she walked by. I pretty sure she saw me, and worse probabally figured out I was hiding from her, ugh! I should of just waved to her through the window. I don't know why I hid my face from her. I'm sure that when I see her friday she'll bring it up, and I'll have to lie and tell her I didn't see her. Does anyone else feel weird when they see their therapist outside the offfice?
Posted by Mindriot on May 16, 2001, at 14:47:05
In reply to Re: Seeing my therapist on the street - Mindriot, posted by Ted on May 16, 2001, at 12:49:58
Ted,
I think I covered my face more out of instinct then being afraid to see my therapist. I did it without thinking, and felt bad afterwards. I'm trying to figure out why I responded that way. Everyone who knows me is aware I'm seeing a therapist, so it wasn't that, and it wasn't because I was supposed to be doing something else (I don't work), It's like my therapist isn't supposed to have a life outside of the office. I know that's silly but that how I pictured it, and when I saw her, my first reaction was to hid, but don't worry I don't take you question as criticism. Thanks to everyone for their comments.
Mindriot> Mindriot,
>
>
> Please forgive me for asking, but why are you afraid of being seen by your therapist? Do you feel shameful for seeing a therapist? Remember, there is no problem with smiling and greeting politely -- no one has to know you are a patient (after all, therapists have friends & family too), and even if they do, why do you care?
>
> Please understand I am not criticizing or trying to make fun of you; I am just curious.
>
> Ted
>
>
>
> > > I was sitting by a large window looking out onto the main street from a coffee shop I was at. I saw my Therapist walking down the street. I quickly pretended to scratch my head, to cover my face, in hopes she wouldn't see me as she walked by. I pretty sure she saw me, and worse probabally figured out I was hiding from her, ugh! I should of just waved to her through the window. I don't know why I hid my face from her. I'm sure that when I see her friday she'll bring it up, and I'll have to lie and tell her I didn't see her. Does anyone else feel weird when they see their therapist outside the offfice?
Posted by Diane J. on May 16, 2001, at 15:31:51
In reply to Redirected: Seeing my therapist on the street, posted by Dr. Bob on May 16, 2001, at 8:23:52
I have a former therapist who I never saw out of the office, but a friend of mine said she had seen her and spoken to her. (My therapist handed Jody a business card, and when Jody read the name she realized who she was.) My reaction was one of annoyance. If anyone was going to see MY therapist outside of the office, it should have been ME! Pretty silly, I know, but that's how I felt. Then Jody told me that my therapist had been pushy, and I wanted to make excuses for her. At the time, well, I wanted my therapist to be perfect. Now I know she was just like all of us, another person. But I didn't like hearing Jody's story. It was as if she was invading my space with my therapist. I think if I saw my present therapist out of the office I would greet her enthusiastically.
Diane J.
> > I was sitting by a large window looking out onto the main street from a coffee shop I was at. I saw my Therapist walking down the street. I quickly pretended to scratch my head, to cover my face, in hopes she wouldn't see me as she walked by. I pretty sure she saw me, and worse probabally figured out I was hiding from her, ugh! I should of just waved to her through the window. I don't know why I hid my face from her. I'm sure that when I see her friday she'll bring it up, and I'll have to lie and tell her I didn't see her. Does anyone else feel weird when they see their therapist outside the offfice?
Posted by pandora on May 16, 2001, at 17:04:10
In reply to Re: Seeing my therapist on the street - Mindriot, posted by Mindriot on May 16, 2001, at 14:47:05
> > It's like my therapist isn't supposed to have a life outside of the office.
As a therapist myself, I've been put in the reverse position several times... seen clients in other daily settings. My first thought was to protect their privacy... remember, even the mere fact that you are seeing a therapist is confidential information (on the therapist's side, that is... you, of course, can reveal any or all of what goes on in your sessions to whomever you chose)
Also, as strange as is was to see your therapist "out of context", it was possibly just as strange for him/her. Even though you may discuss your life in detail with your therapist, for me, it's strange to see someone whom I've only encountered in my office out in the real world.
If it really bothers you, bring it up. In any case, please don't lose any sleep over it!
Erin
Posted by JennyR on May 17, 2001, at 16:27:33
In reply to Re: Seeing my therapist on the street - Mindriot » Mindriot, posted by pandora on May 16, 2001, at 17:04:10
My therapist works out of his house. Therefore I have seen the wife and kid come and go. Then the kid started nursery across the street from where one of my kids was going to school and I would see her frequently and check her out and compare myself and be jealous. Once they came together with the kid to a school fair at my kid's school fair. Twice I saw them as a family at the Halloween Parade. I find myself intensely bothered by all of these experiences. I want to believe that my therapist only exists in that office during the time I am there. Yet, of course I want him to have a happy and fulfilling life. So, it is weird.
Posted by Noa on May 18, 2001, at 16:40:57
In reply to Re: Seeing my therapist on the street - Mindriot, posted by JennyR on May 17, 2001, at 16:27:33
I think a lot of people feel uncomfortable seeing their therapist out in the world. It is awkward. For me, I think I have all kinds of wishes about the therapist--that he be part of my life, etc., so if I were to see him on the street, it would be uncomfortable because it would stir up the discomfort about all these wishes,etc. The wishes are contained if I only see him in his office, where we have a very established routine and protocol of how we relate. Suddenly seeing him out in the world could, I suspect, stir up awkwardness about how to interact outside of that regular protocol. And, it reminds me that he has a life outside of being my therapist (which of couse I understand intellectually, but not at some deep emotional level), and that I am not a part of that life.
BTW, Ellen Degeneres did a great job treating this issue in her sitcom. She took it to an absurd degree: not only what is it like to encounter your therapist out in the world, but what would it be like if you saw her doing something that was incongruent with your image of her as your therapist? I bet the writers had fun discussing the possibilities for this one. In the episode, Ellen is in a restaurant parking lot and sees a woman hike up her dress and squat to pee--in full view of other people--only to recognize a moment later that it is her therapist!
Posted by mair on May 18, 2001, at 22:41:41
In reply to Redirected: Seeing my therapist on the street, posted by Dr. Bob on May 16, 2001, at 8:23:52
> > I just picked up on this thread and read that you were to see your therapist on Friday and were concerned about talking about this. How did things work out? Mair
Posted by Mindriot on May 20, 2001, at 12:05:19
In reply to Re: How'd it go?, posted by mair on May 18, 2001, at 22:41:41
> > > I just picked up on this thread and read that you were to see your therapist on Friday and were concerned about talking about this. How did things work out? Mair
Everything went fine basically because niether of us brought it up. Either because she didn't see me, or she didn't think it important enough to bring up, which was fine by me. So I worried for nothing. Thanks everyone for responding!
Posted by Greg A. on May 22, 2001, at 13:50:26
In reply to Redirected: Seeing my therapist on the street, posted by Dr. Bob on May 16, 2001, at 8:23:52
I ran into my former therapist (while I was still his patient) at a party at a friend’s house. As soon as he saw me he gave me this look that said ’It’s your call – you know me or you don’t’ I had a short talk with him and his wife and when asked by others how I knew him I just said he was an acquaitance I had met through my doc. Not a lie – I was referred! I just left that part out. It can be a bit freaky, though, seeing this person who knows so much about you, out amongst your friends. By the way – the reason he is my former pdoc now is that we became friendly outside the doc/patient relationship and he thought it best I see someone else.
Posted by mair on May 22, 2001, at 21:56:09
In reply to Re: Meeting your therapist in the Real World, posted by Greg A. on May 22, 2001, at 13:50:26
> I used to regularly run into my former pdoc/therapist when I was still a patient of his. He used to go out of his way to greet me and generally would introduce me to whomever he was with, not as a patient of course. This was fine with me particularly since I knew him on a fairly low social level before i ever became his patient. I have been on the reverse side of this. I saw one pdoc for a brief time who looked right through me the few times we'd see each other outside the office. I had a therapist for a fairly brief time who apologized to me after an encounter in a grocery store when she did greet me, and did not ignore me. Her apology seemed strange and uncalled for. My current therapist knows I would prefer to be acknowledged in public. I live in a pretty self contained area and I have lived and worked here long enough that I don't feel I really need to explain to anyone how I might know someone else. It's not at all unlikely that I would have become acquainted with my therapist in a non professional setting. In the past, I felt very dismissed by the lack of acknowledgment and it just feels uncomfortable to me to ignore and be ignored by someone I know. Mair
>
Posted by sar on May 22, 2001, at 22:18:47
In reply to Re: Meeting your therapist in the Real World, posted by mair on May 22, 2001, at 21:56:09
I ran into a former therapist at work the other day, she was a customer I waited on. I was slightly startled but felt comfortable when she smiled the whole time I rang her purchases up, and when it was over I said, "Good bye, take care," and she said "Thank you,____, good-bye," calling me by name, symbolic to me 'cos she already knew it, but unjilting to those around because I wear a name tag @ work.
It wasn't awkward at all. Seems like smiling + privately acknowledging each other is alot cooler than straight-up pretending the other doesn't exist...I understand the potential awkwardness of casually greeting the pdoc/patient, but I'm really content with the way my encounter went.
Posted by ChrisK on May 23, 2001, at 4:57:38
In reply to Re: Meeting your therapist in the Real World, posted by sar on May 22, 2001, at 22:18:47
I live in Upsate NY and regularly attend the horse races in August. My pdoc does the same. Two years ago he mentioned seeing me in the Clubhouse but I didn't see him. I told him it was OK to say HI. Last year while I was sitting at a picnic table with friends he wandered by and I initiated the Hello's. It was no big deal to me - I don't hide it from people that I see a pdoc.
The only embarrassing part was that I had a beer in front of me (something I haven't been able to completely swear off) but he never mentioned it in our sessions. We still discuss the horses at some point during my appointments. It gives us both a little breather.
This is the end of the thread.
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