Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rach on July 14, 2001, at 5:32:54
I just don't know where to go from here.
The thing that has me the most stumped is why am I depressed? I don't seem to have any logical reason for being depressed. As a child it wasn't in my nature to be sullen, and thus I don't think it is a personality thing. I just cannot come up with a reason as to why I am depressed.
Lately, I keep seeing things in the media about women discovering repressed memories of abuse, that when they are 25, 35, 45 years old, memories of abuse begin to surface. I wonder if I have repressed memories of abuse when I was a child. I know that I have repressed my memories before - I told my Mum at the time about certain events, and only 6 months later my Mum brought those events up. I had no recollection of what she was talking about, until we continued to discuss it over several weeks (and then I remembered things she didn't mention, so I know they weren't false memories).
Maybe I am just searching for an easy answer to my depression. I'm not in therapy right now, nor am I on ADs, and I would like to return to therapy but I have no money. I start a new job in two days, I'm freaking out about that, and I have borrowed money from my parents just so I can eat. I hope I can steel myself enough to stay with this job. I have a terrible track record with jobs, but I am in debt, I need the money, and I need the stability. Already, though, I am dreading going to work.
Why am I depressed? I love my parents, there was no major parenting problems, I have supportive friends and family, I love my sister & brother, I can be successful in anything I choose to do if I allow myself. I am usually on top of money; have enough to live on and be happy, I can get a good job with the snap of my fingers. I have ambition.
So what in hell is my BIG problem???
Posted by lissa on July 14, 2001, at 5:46:48
In reply to Stumped, posted by Rach on July 14, 2001, at 5:32:54
... The thing that has me the most stumped is why am I depressed? I don't seem to have any logical reason for being depressed ... but I have no money ... Why am I depressed? ... So what in hell is my BIG problem???
this thread is going to generate many replies, I suspect. Many of us can probably remember that why??-why-why-Why-Why-WHY!?-WHAT THE HELL?-phase of it. I cannot tell you what your problem is. It is not easy being short on money, though. Does your new job have good health benefits? Do they start immediately? I hope so and I wish you good luck in your first several days of work.
Posted by Marie1 on July 14, 2001, at 7:33:50
In reply to Stumped, posted by Rach on July 14, 2001, at 5:32:54
Rach -
I used to ask myself that all the time, too. My life really isn't, and wasn't, that bad. And the people who remain clueless about depression will reinforce that - i.e., "Why can't you just..." You're already saying that to yourself. Sometimes there just is no reason, no "smoking gun" that you can point to. I'd guess you have a mental illness, something beyond your control, but that can often be helped with medication. Have you tried AD's recently? If you can swing it, it's probably a good idea now since you really want to make a go of your new job. Is there much stress involved in your new job? I know how draining that can be. I wish you the best, and remember to be kind to yourself, especially now.
Marie
Posted by AKC on July 14, 2001, at 8:26:45
In reply to Stumped, posted by Rach on July 14, 2001, at 5:32:54
For years I could not figure out what my problem was - and still fall in that trap from time to time - the worse happening when I am in the middle of depression. To an outsider, especially to some of my family members or some of my "closer" friends, I have the "perfect" life. I am a successful attorney, at one of the most prestigous law firms in the city. I am very personable - just need to lose a few pounds. I have it all. It reminds me of a scene from the "Prince of Tides" where Nick Nolte is saying just this to Barbra Streisand - hell we have it all - why nothing should be bothering us.
But yet, we are miserable. It is a hard lesson to learn that is is not the outside stuff that really dictates our life - yes we can laugh at something funny or cry at something sad, but most of life is not controlled by these things. Frigging little chemicals in our brains can really mess us up. And a lot of this was set in motion long before we got here. I was reading some more in Noonday Depression last night about how these pathways in our brain are established - basically we can get in a rut that we cannot get out of no matter how hard we try - no matter how hard we pull on the bootstraps - no matter how much encouragement we get from loved ones - no matter how we think we have nothing to feel depressed over (oh, buy the way folks - I am up to page 60 - that is an aside, Rach, if you haven't read some of my earlier posts!).
I guess my point I am trying hard to make is that there may be absolutely no objective point to the way you are feeling - but that doesn't mean you are not entitled to the feelings you are having - or are deserving of help. And the help should be twofold - I have over these past few years become absolutely convinced that we need both chemical and "talk" help to get through this. I tried talk alone - that never got me there. But chemicals don't seem to work by themselves either - there are so many subtle things I have learned over the years that keep me "stuck" - some I learned as a child from a wonderful (sarcasm is very strong here) father I had.
I hope this helps. I hear in your post a message I told myself for years - I believed for so long that nothing should be wrong with me - and I blamed myself - that I was somehow defective - instead of ill. There is a difference - I hope you are able to catch on sooner than I was.
AKC
Posted by Phil on July 14, 2001, at 8:54:24
In reply to Stumped, posted by Rach on July 14, 2001, at 5:32:54
Rach
There's a really funny AA speaker who, at one time in his life, wanted to know WHY he was an alcoholic.
He told a story of being on a sinking ship. While everyone else was headed for life rafts and swimming for safety, he wanted to stay on the ship because he had to know WHY!
It really doesn't matter why we are depressed although I've been on that ship many times asking why me as I sunk to the bottom.
I think therapy is good to hopefully help identify the roots of our illness but sometimes there just isn't a logical reason.Why me? Why not me?
Phil
Posted by kazoo on July 14, 2001, at 9:34:32
In reply to Stumped, posted by Rach on July 14, 2001, at 5:32:54
> So what in hell is my BIG problem???
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
:STEPS TO SELF-REALIZATION VIA THE KAZOOIAN METHOD (experience necessary):
Here's what you do: stand in front of a full-length mirror, totally naked, and ask your "self" that question.
Have a good talk with your "self," by your "self."Ask questions: easy questions, hard questions, silly questions, serious questions.
Answer them all.
Rant.
Rave.
Be hard on your "self."
Be soft.
Make faces.
Praise your "self."
Tell jokes.
Ask your "self" why you feel the way you do.
Have your "self" find solutions.
If your "self" has no solutions, then you find one and suggest it.
Have a debate.
Get into it.The point of this? Look at yourself and listen to what you have to say.
There's something about the human voice that makes things clearer in your own head, even if it's your *own* voice.
Verbalize via visualization about what's going on in that noggin of yours.Be your own therapist.
You're smarter than you think.
Should I open a "school"?
(Herr Sigmund) Kazoo
Posted by Marie1 on July 15, 2001, at 9:37:53
In reply to Re: Stumped, posted by AKC on July 14, 2001, at 8:26:45
I really think I should get that book. And congrats on getting to page 60!
Marie
This is the end of the thread.
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