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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Roo on July 17, 2001, at 16:11:41
please help me...maybe not advice, but just comfort or
'yeah, i been there and it sucks'. I think my relationship
is about to end, and I am the one ending it, after about
a year on working with issues with a couple's counselor,
it seems i'm right back to square one: I just don't feel
right in my heart about this guy. He's wonderful, but I
don't think he's right for me. Anyone have that experience--
wonderful person, but not right? God it hurts so bad. And
I feel like such a shitty person, b/c he loves me. I wanted
it to work so bad, but I feel like I just have to face
the fact that it's not going to, that I can't change my
feelings. I hoped I could and I tried really hard. I wish
this didn't make me feel so bad about myself. I feel i'm
doing something wrong b/c I'm going to be causing so much
pain--but what's my alternative? Marry someone when it
dosen't feel right to me? That's no good for either of us.
I dread all the pain that lies ahead of me. The loss for
myself and the pain I am going to cause my boyfriend. God
help me.
Posted by NikkiT2 on July 17, 2001, at 17:37:19
In reply to Really Bad Day, posted by Roo on July 17, 2001, at 16:11:41
Hugs are all i can give you right now... But I think, and am scared, that I know how you feel..
(((((hugs)))))
Nikkixxxx
> please help me...maybe not advice, but just comfort or
> 'yeah, i been there and it sucks'. I think my relationship
> is about to end, and I am the one ending it, after about
> a year on working with issues with a couple's counselor,
> it seems i'm right back to square one: I just don't feel
> right in my heart about this guy. He's wonderful, but I
> don't think he's right for me. Anyone have that experience--
> wonderful person, but not right? God it hurts so bad. And
> I feel like such a shitty person, b/c he loves me. I wanted
> it to work so bad, but I feel like I just have to face
> the fact that it's not going to, that I can't change my
> feelings. I hoped I could and I tried really hard. I wish
> this didn't make me feel so bad about myself. I feel i'm
> doing something wrong b/c I'm going to be causing so much
> pain--but what's my alternative? Marry someone when it
> dosen't feel right to me? That's no good for either of us.
> I dread all the pain that lies ahead of me. The loss for
> myself and the pain I am going to cause my boyfriend. God
> help me.
Posted by shelliR on July 17, 2001, at 18:32:06
In reply to Really Bad Day, posted by Roo on July 17, 2001, at 16:11:41
> I dread all the pain that lies ahead of me.Roo, I think you are very brave. I hope that in this pain, you will also feel a lightening--a bit of a weight lifted, in the experience of letting something go that was not right. Shelli
Posted by mair on July 17, 2001, at 22:02:54
In reply to Re: Really Bad Day » Roo, posted by shelliR on July 17, 2001, at 18:32:06
>
> Roo - Shelli's absolutly right. I'm sure there is no comparison between the number of people who regret marrying the wrong person and those who regret turning down the proposal of potentially the right person. Try to take heart that you are taking control of your life and your future. This is heartbreak, but hopefully you're sparing yourself and your boyfriend tons more heartbreak later. Mair
Posted by mila on July 17, 2001, at 22:24:40
In reply to Really Bad Day, posted by Roo on July 17, 2001, at 16:11:41
Roo,
i've been there and it does SUCK! Only I was the one who was considered not exactly the right person for the man who was choosing. Gosh, I am so grateful now that he set me free. But I was dreaming about him for 15 years afterwads. Go figure.
you've got only one heart. Be choosy. Be greedy. Give it to the right person. Maybe you'd have to wait a bit longer for him to find you. So what.
otherwise, sorry for the bad day. It hasn't been the best day of my life either.
mila
Posted by sar on July 18, 2001, at 0:56:15
In reply to Re: Really Bad Day, posted by mila on July 17, 2001, at 22:24:40
Dear Roo,
I've felt guilty for years =for dumping s boyfirnd whom I considered "not cute enough" to marry or have children with.
and i do feel gulity for hving loved on him for more than 2 years...but i knew rhat if i'd have marrued him, there;d be resentment on my part. i loved him enough as a human being to let him go.
i still miss him. & what if he'd had a prettier face? i don't know. Nothing in human existence is fair.
Go with your instincts, chile. If you feel hesitant and cautious, wait. if you feel passionate and loving long enough, marry. there is no sensive advice here, it is all in your heart.
love,
sar
Posted by Anna Laura on July 18, 2001, at 2:10:40
In reply to Re: Really Bad Day » Roo, posted by shelliR on July 17, 2001, at 18:32:06
>
> > I dread all the pain that lies ahead of me.
>
> Roo, I think you are very brave. I hope that in this pain, you will also feel a lightening--a bit of a weight lifted, in the experience of letting something go that was not right. ShelliI agree with Shelli when she says that you're brave. (been there, i mourned over the loss of a wonderful friend but he wasn't the guy for me)
Consider that: yes, it's heart-breaking, but still, the fact that you're going to leave him it means you're strong enough to get along by yourself; think how many women married the wrong guy just because they were too scared to face life alone, or because they felt too old and feared that it'd be the last occasion for them to "catch" someone.....and then they lived unhappily thereafter.....Go ahead, you're making the right decision: you're holding your life in your own hands, you're strong Roo! Don't blame yourself for that. Mourning over a loss and feeling sad it' s natural, good thing you feel sad: it means you still have an heart, that you are still able to feel
emotions so that you can receive and give love
which is a good thing.Wishing you the best
Anna Laura
Posted by Roo on July 18, 2001, at 8:07:25
In reply to Re: and then they lived unhappily thereafter, posted by Anna Laura on July 18, 2001, at 2:10:40
Thanks everybody--that really helped me to calm
down a little. I think the shame and guilt are
really hard. But then maybe it's easier for me
to feel shame, guilt and self blame (familiar) than
it is to feel that moon-howlin', soul achin' loss.
Ugh. Feels like jumping off a cliff with the wind
whistling past my ears.
Anyway, just wanted to say thanks...for listening,
and caring, and your thoughtful answers.
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