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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ALII on May 23, 2002, at 0:19:28
GRIEF AFTER SUICIDE
Know that you can survive. Though you may feel you cannot survive, you can.
The intense feelings of grief can be overwhelming and frightening. This is normal. You are not going crazy; you are grieving.
You may experience feelings of guilt, confusion, and anger, even fear. These are all common responses to grief.
You may even have thoughts of suicide. This, too, is common. It does not mean you will act on those thoughts.
Forgetfulness is a common, but temporary side effect. Grieving takes so much energy that other things will fade in importance.
Keep asking “why” until you no longer need to ask.
Healing takes time. Allow yourself the time you need to grieve.
Grief has no predictable pattern or timetable. Though there are elements of commonality in grief, each person and each situation is unique.
If you can delay making major decisions, do so.
The path of grief is one of twists and turns and you may often feel you are getting nowhere. Remember that even setbacks are a kind of progress.
This is the hardest thing you will ever do. Be patient with yourself.
Seek out people who are willing to listen when you need to talk and who understand you need to be silent.
Give yourself permission to seek professional help.
Avoid people who try to tell you what to feel and how to feel it and, in particular, those who think you should “be over it by now.”
Find a support group for survivors that provides a safe place for you to express your feelings or simply a place to go to be with other survivors who are experiencing some of the same things you are going through.From:
Word Wide Web Site: http://www.save.org
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE) is an organization dedicated to educating the public about suicide prevention.
Posted by alii on May 23, 2002, at 0:30:55
In reply to Grief after suicide, posted by ALII on May 23, 2002, at 0:19:28
I'm still asking why. And I still haven't got a clue.
achingly,
alii
Posted by wendy b. on May 24, 2002, at 11:28:44
In reply to Re: Grief after suicide, posted by alii on May 23, 2002, at 0:30:55
> I'm still asking why. And I still haven't got a clue.
>
> achingly,
>
> alii
Dear Alii,I wonder if you're talking about Stacey, or about someone else? I understand your pain, this one reminded me of my powerlessness to do anything to stop the tide of self-destruction, in my father and in Sar.... I'm so sorry you're feeling badly, it's good to share it here...
a hug to you,
Wendy
Posted by kid_A on May 24, 2002, at 17:36:56
In reply to Re: Grief after suicide » alii, posted by wendy b. on May 24, 2002, at 11:28:44
> I wonder if you're talking about Stacey, or about someone else? I understand your pain, this one reminded me of my powerlessness to do anything to stop the tide of self-destruction, in my father and in Sar.... I'm so sorry you're feeling badly, it's good to share it here...
as for Stacey, I still don't know how to deal with it... A lot of it is trying my best to suppress the little things that remind me of her for now... just seeing her name brings a tear to my eye... And in the end, I dont think I'll ever be the same, and I don't where I'll go... but only time will tell...
Posted by alii on May 25, 2002, at 2:04:18
In reply to Re: Grief after suicide » alii, posted by wendy b. on May 24, 2002, at 11:28:44
> Dear Alii,
> I wonder if you're talking about Stacey, or about someone else? I understand your pain, this one reminded me of my powerlessness to do anything to stop the tide of self-destruction, in my father and in Sar.... I'm so sorry you're feeling badly, it's good to share it here...
> a hug to you,
> Wendy
Can a tide be stopped?
Can one ever really know why another opted for this way out?
And is it an option?I find comfort in holding that option open for myself after many years of struggle.
I have no immediate plans nor am I suicidal at this time. I think after what I have endured in this life that I have every right to call my own shots.
If it comes to that I might find out just how poor an option it could be....For now I cry and wonder why it was the right choice at that time for those who have left us.
And I am angry.
And scared and ?
The snowglobe is settling but the hollowness is deepening and the darkness really making some strides in regaining ground.AlIi
Posted by Zo on May 25, 2002, at 21:04:41
In reply to stopping the tide of self-destruction, posted by alii on May 25, 2002, at 2:04:18
is deepening,
and the darkness making strides, gaining ground."You're writer? Beautiful, evocative lines. ..
Take care and hang in,
Zo
Posted by Gracie2 on May 26, 2002, at 17:29:56
In reply to Re: The snowglobe is settling but the hollowness , posted by Zo on May 25, 2002, at 21:04:41
Snowglobe. I like that. It seems like every once in awhile someone picks us up and gives us a good shake, eh?
I'm a devout believer in John Edwards, a medium, who has his own show, "Crossing Over", and has written a couple of books. On one show he discussed suicide, saying that people who take their own lives must still deal with the issues
"on the other side" that they were facing in this world, so suicide is not an escape.
After my suicide attempt in February, I had to convince a psychiatrist that I was well enough to leave the hospital, sort of like a parole hearing.
Rather than being kind and understanding, this guy was sort of nasty and sarcastic. He said something to the effect of, "Congratulations, not only have you screwed up your own life, you have done untold damage to your marriage and your children." He told me that my son (who is 20)would surely need counseling and, despite myself and my dislike of this doctor - who, I found out later, had been in charge of the pyschiatric unit of the largest hospital in our city - I found myself weeping and begging him to let me out of the hospital so I could "make it up" to my son, I felt so wretchedly guilty.
So that is the way I feel now - if we can find no reason to stay here for ourselves, we must stay here for the people who love us. Death will come soon enough, when it is our time to go.
-Gracie in the Snowglobe
Posted by alii on May 28, 2002, at 0:49:02
In reply to Re: The snowglobe is settling but the hollowness , posted by Zo on May 25, 2002, at 21:04:41
> is deepening,
> and the darkness making strides, gaining ground."
> You're writer? Beautiful, evocative lines. ..
> Take care and hang in,
> ZoA writer? Oh ho ho ho ho hohahahahhah. Sorry I am not laughing at you but at being asked if I am a writer. It struck me as funny as I have NEVER thought of myself as one who could craft words the way I can materials.
You're kind to say such nice things Zo. Thanks.
--Alii
Posted by alii on June 2, 2002, at 3:31:40
In reply to stopping the tide of self-destruction, posted by alii on May 25, 2002, at 2:04:18
Why stop the storm that the mind has brewed up? Why fight so hard every day to take pills that suck, work two years on two years off since '95, lose my libido, lordy knows what I've done to my liver with the pharmacy of ADs I've pumped through my system. And for what?
So I can sit her again tonight taking pills to numb the pain. I don't want to go as far as to end it but damn I would like to just stop this ride.......yo ride man I want off. Money back? Money...all mine goes to my meds since I am without the luxury of insurance.....ranges from $250-375 monthly and then you toss in tx and pdoc and wow......I live my shitty little painful existence just to support the pharmaceutical companies and my local pharmacist, doc, and head shrinking community.
Enough. I really want none of this anymore.......I'll stay on meds but the rest goes. The numbing pills keep on coming in. But I'm still not numb...I still feel the pain.
From a suicide memorial site (1000deaths.com) a few quotes that struck me......and yes going to a suicide site helps me evaluate within myself where that option stands...
++pain is only bearable if we know it will end, not if we deny it exists.
++Feeling suicidal is not a "choice" or character flaw, it's an illness. Treat it like one.
++Memories are bitter treasures, when each one is a clue.
++When sorrow has no words it expresses itself in the body.
++Only when the sadness is overwhelming do we begin to understand. The line between us and them is more narrow than any of us could admit.
Is it any wonder they couldn't tell us of their pain?.....so my point being that psb provides an eye to the world and to UoCpsych research for me to spill out the messy reality of psych meds, ptsd, major depression and no current therapist. This is a mind ungluing. Here is the wild swings of empty functioning, smiling masks and constant thoughts of death.
I have no point anymore and I'm still not numb.......What will it take? How much more can I take?
---Alii
why can't I find some sleep? some numbness from this torment? and I've done all the frickin breathing exercises, et al
Is is so much to ask to just have a few nights in a row without wanting to die in the few hours sleep I get?
Can I please stop wishing I would be the random victim of freeway accident gone awry?
I see pdoc on 10th until then this pasty yellow background board is my place to let this gorey crap hang out in the open.
World this is when intelligence means nothing and I wish like hell I could go back to drink and drugs to get out of this space that has seeped into my being...into my core....and really into my head...
Posted by CtrlAlt n Del on June 2, 2002, at 7:07:44
In reply to ...stopping the tide of self-destruction? Why?!, posted by alii on June 2, 2002, at 3:31:40
Hi Ali....Yeh , people say that life it ain't easy you got to help yourself etc etc but it doesn't stop the ongoing dark ambience the feeling of just getting out of this world or some other oblivion.
Trying to do the right things eat well , excercise ..getting things done going out when you still in that hopeless bubble...
Reading Sars posts to help me..There is no point I guess I've never belonged here started feeling suicidal at five years old so I guess whatevers wrong with me it's me--can't be fixed , oh well I carry on and bounch back still trying to reach a feeling of home and contentment--guess that's the point : )
xxxxxxxx
Posted by alii on June 2, 2002, at 15:15:58
In reply to Re: ...stopping the tide of self-destruction? Why?! » alii, posted by CtrlAlt n Del on June 2, 2002, at 7:07:44
CtrlAlt n Del,
I feel like I have been trying for years and sometimes I am as content as I can be with the few seconds/glimpses of happiness/normal life I get. Then there are the periods of time when the darkness begins chipping away at the progress I've made, oozing its way back in to my daily thoughts, undermining the moments of relative stability I felt....
I go out and do things....eat the right things when I can eat......still empty.....still strange sleep and odd dreams in that sleep......dark sudden thoughts.......the planning, again with the planning.
Boing boing boing goes the bouncing ball.
Here's a heaping helping of that contented home you so seek....
Brokenpointedly,
alii
....sar's posts swing me between hope and hell. I miss her words/beauty/spirit so much but I honour her freedom from this hell which was her illness. Sometimes her words soothe me and yet I am still so angry that she got out and I remain entrenched in this battle. So conflicted.
> Hi Ali....
> Yeh , people say that life it ain't easy you got to help yourself etc etc but it doesn't stop the ongoing dark ambience the feeling of just getting out of this world or some other oblivion.
> Trying to do the right things eat well , excercise ..getting things done going out when you still in that hopeless bubble...
> Reading Sars posts to help me..
> There is no point I guess I've never belonged here started feeling suicidal at five years old so I guess whatevers wrong with me it's me--can't be fixed , oh well I carry on and bounch back still trying to reach a feeling of home and contentment--guess that's the point : )
> xxxxxxxx
Posted by SandraDee on June 4, 2002, at 14:05:26
In reply to I don't think a pencil sharpener will do here.... » CtrlAlt n Del, posted by alii on June 2, 2002, at 15:15:58
I've heard about Sars, but don't know the "story" did she commit suicide? What happened, if I might ask.... sorry....
Posted by wendy b. on June 4, 2002, at 15:49:07
In reply to I'm sorry.... I'm fairly new, and... well... » alii, posted by SandraDee on June 4, 2002, at 14:05:26
> I've heard about Sars, but don't know the "story" did she commit suicide? What happened, if I might ask.... sorry....
Her name was Sar on the Board. She was very, extremely well-loved by many people here.
Just start reading:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020403/msgs/21572.html
and it's a start. You can't even imagine how shocked and saddened we were...
If you want to know more about Sar, you can read her posts from the time periods before that. You will see why her suicide was so painful for so many of us, if you just read her words...
many thanks for caring about our feelings about this,
Wendy
Posted by aliI on June 4, 2002, at 17:17:16
In reply to Re: I'm sorry.... I'm fairly new, and... well... » SandraDee, posted by wendy b. on June 4, 2002, at 15:49:07
...as I am in no shape for that now.
Kindness in little places.
This is good.
a.
Posted by SandraDee on June 8, 2002, at 11:21:46
In reply to ...stopping the tide of self-destruction? Why?!, posted by alii on June 2, 2002, at 3:31:40
I'm sorry for all those feeling loss over SAR, sounds like she was a great person to know. Thank you for the link to let me know a bit more of the situation.
This is the end of the thread.
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