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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angel Girl on May 26, 2002, at 15:33:19
I feel so invisible, here and everywhere else. I've been contemplating the desire to continue my existence all weekend, crying, and watching life go on without me. I don't fit in anywhere. I don't have anything to look forward to or even a reason to get well. Y'all are friends here and know each other so well, I don't know anybody, I'm a newbie outsider. My other friends have left me, I'm all alone, they carry on and have fun like I never even existed. And maybe I don't, maybe I shouldn't. Who would even know if I'm gone anyway. Nobody talks to me. I'm tired of being alone and crying. I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted. I'm tired of being.
Angel Girl
Posted by mair on May 26, 2002, at 16:05:33
In reply to Can anybody see me???, posted by Angel Girl on May 26, 2002, at 15:33:19
> "I feel so invisible, here and everywhere else. I've been contemplating the desire to continue my existence all weekend, crying, and watching life go on without me. I don't fit in anywhere."
What are your living sircumstances? Are you living alone? Do you have family or friends nearby? How about co-workers?
"Y'all are friends here and know each other so well, I don't know anybody, I'm a newbie outsider."
That's probably more appearance than reality. New people come on all the time and I think are enveloped pretty quickly if they have the desire to stay around and figure us out. Others come and go rather quickly and lots of "old timers" come on only sporadically.
"I'm tired of being alone and crying. I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted. I'm tired of being."
>
It sounds like your inner resources are rather depleted. (this is a favorite expression of my therapist) Why don't you fill us in a bit more about what's going on with you. I'm sorry if I haven't been paying more attention, but I try to ration my time here and the amount of posting I do, sometimes more successfully than others. We all do a little better when we can address concrete issues. Whatever your circumstances, I'm absolutely sure that the "unloved" "unwanted" perception is a distortion. (another favorite therapist word) You tried the other day to reach out to Katt which obviously means you're able to care about others. What goes around, comes around.Please keep posting. I have a date with the new "Star Wars" movie pretty soon so I probably can't get back to you in awhile but I'm sure others will jump in.
Mair
Posted by Angel Girl on May 26, 2002, at 22:00:39
In reply to Re: Can anybody see me??? » Angel Girl, posted by mair on May 26, 2002, at 16:05:33
>
> What are your living sircumstances? Are you living alone? Do you have family or friends nearby? How about co-workers?
>I live alone. I have family near me but their 'concern' is suffocating me. I have no friends other than on the net and most of them have left me because of my depression. I haven't been to work in a month.
>>
> That's probably more appearance than reality. New people come on all the time and I think are enveloped pretty quickly if they have the desire to stay around and figure us out. Others come and go rather quickly and lots of "old timers" come on only sporadically.
>I'm not sure, you may be right, but I really feel like I'm an outsider here.
> It sounds like your inner resources are rather depleted. (this is a favorite expression of my therapist) Why don't you fill us in a bit more about what's going on with you. I'm sorry if I haven't been paying more attention, but I try to ration my time here and the amount of posting I do, sometimes more successfully than others. We all do a little better when we can address concrete issues. Whatever your circumstances, I'm absolutely sure that the "unloved" "unwanted" perception is a distortion. (another favorite therapist word) You tried the other day to reach out to Katt which obviously means you're able to care about others. What goes around, comes around.
>You're right about my inner resources. I have nothing left inside me. I'm empty. I feel pain, my pain, everybody else's pain. I'm not sure what you want to know about me, there's not much of me to know.
> Please keep posting. I have a date with the new "Star Wars" movie pretty soon so I probably can't get back to you in awhile but I'm sure others will jump in.
>
> Mair
I hope you enjoyed your movie but as you can see nobody else jumped in.It seems this board is more about fighting about religion lately than offering support. :(
Angel Girl
Posted by alii on May 27, 2002, at 13:36:05
In reply to Can anybody see me???, posted by Angel Girl on May 26, 2002, at 15:33:19
> I feel so invisible, here and everywhere else. I've been contemplating the desire to continue my existence all weekend, crying, and watching life go on without me. I don't fit in anywhere. I don't have anything to look forward to or even a reason to get well. Y'all are friends here and know each other so well, I don't know anybody, I'm a newbie outsider. My other friends have left me, I'm all alone, they carry on and have fun like I never even existed. And maybe I don't, maybe I shouldn't. Who would even know if I'm gone anyway. Nobody talks to me. I'm tired of being alone and crying. I'm tired of being unloved and unwanted. I'm tired of being.
> Angel GirlAngel Girl,
"Y'all are friends here?" C'mon...that is just stinkin' thinkin' hon. The reason that some posters appear to know one another well is that some (a few to my knowledge) share e-mails, chat time, and even phone calls in addition to posting to these boards. I have general tendencies to believe certain posters are certain ways based on having read their styles for years. But that is just my perception and at times I am one wacked out person!
Angel, I haven't been reading all the posts on all the boards due to having just gone through a personal mind fender bender (blender?) so I am taking a guess here that your recent dx of BPD is one of the main reasons for your recent glut of up/down down down emotions.
I appreciate your posting so much of your story here. As I do not know much about BPD I can't offer much support in that arena but I can keep my ears and eyes open here on psb.
Have you considered joining messenger or pb open? I have only belonged to both for the past month and can say with certainty that the connections I have had through those mediums have kept me from using previous harmful coping mechanisms during times of high stress.
I can relate to your being tired of crying. I feel as though I have been crying for years due to my disease (major depression with recent --past two years-- ptsd symptoms) but I haven't connected a lot of those tears to the inner stuff going on. It's as if I have been spinning my own wheels when my med mix ain't right....but when it is I can devote my energy to getting into my inner stuff and work out my past crud. But this is just me....I have major traumas in the past that are largely unhealed and perhaps larger contributors to my depression that I would like to acknowledge.
You are not unloved nor unwanted. As for tired of being....you have every right to be.....sounds as if life has been crappy for ya lately. No sleep has a way of making any bad/low mood worse.
Please continue to post here if you are able as I do care, do want to hear from you, and quite frankly love ya. I love that you have the courage to post here and seek support.
Giving you what support I can through this wild world of web,
--Alii
Posted by Analine on May 27, 2002, at 21:55:14
In reply to I have a mental illness and yes I see you » Angel Girl, posted by alii on May 27, 2002, at 13:36:05
>I don't fit in anywhere
angel girl, just writing to let you know you're not the only one who feels this way. i come to this board a lot but have only posted a few times because i'm scared because i don't really know anybody either. i feel like a big bumbling 'outsider' that doesn't know anything, and that my experiences arn't as valid or real as anybody elses and that anything i say will sound stupid.
but at the same time i also feel like this is the only place in the world where i fit in, so i keep coming here and reading the posts and keep on sending out loving vibes.
i think we may underestimate the size of the people's hearts on here though. i know i was in tears when i read your post and i really do care about the way you're feeling. i guess if we care about the people on here and share a sense of identity, then we do belong - whether we feel like we do or not.
as the others said, you aren't unloved or unwanted. i read your posts and appreciate them even if i'm too scared to reply all the time.take care
love ana
xxx
sorry if this post is a bit incoherent. i try to get my thoughts out but i can't really structure them very well ;)
Posted by IsoM on May 28, 2002, at 1:15:06
In reply to i see you angel girl , posted by Analine on May 27, 2002, at 21:55:14
Ana, you wrote "i think we may underestimate the size of the people's hearts on here though." I think that can be true for most people too. Don't be afraid to post. You're not a newcomer if you've been 'lurking'. Besides, even new posters are welcome & their views & thoughts are just as valuable & appreciated as people who've been here long.
I was surprised when people first responded to a few of my posts & when someone said they valued my thoughts, I was really surprised. It honestly didn't occur to me that I had anything of value to offer. But just about everyone of us do, especially when we want to extend help to others.
And forget how you 'structured' your message. I thought it quite coherent. I had no trouble understanding you.
This is the end of the thread.
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