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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Emme on February 25, 2003, at 5:59:57
I had been doing a little better. Abilify seems to help. But that doesn't guarantee no bad days. I woke up again wanting to die. I've just plain had enough. Of course my affairs aren't in order, so I'd have work to do first. The only thing I can do is wait for mid-afternoon when the fog may lift a little and tell myself that a bad day today doesn't guarantee a bad day tomorrow. I just hate crying my eyes out before I even make it out the door.
Emme's losing it again.
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2003, at 9:23:15
In reply to bad day starting, posted by Emme on February 25, 2003, at 5:59:57
I'm sorry, Emme. There are days that I wish I could just start over.
Keep those affairs in disorder. I find that if there are things I must do before I do something self destructive, that the urges have time to go away or lessen. Or as you said, your mood can turn.
You seem to have a good understanding that you won't always feel this way. While I know that doesn't make it feel any better, at least hold on to that understanding to help you keep perspective.
I hope your day improves.
Posted by tina on February 25, 2003, at 9:44:07
In reply to bad day starting, posted by Emme on February 25, 2003, at 5:59:57
I woke up today feeling the same way Emme. Not actually suicidal, just very hopeless about life and the fact that I had absolutely no reason to get out of bed. Lying in bed last night my brain was going over and over regrets and mistakes and I could hardly fall asleep so I guess my brain kept going while I was sleeping and I woke up with it all still in my mind.
I hope your day does get better.
I'm mustering some good thoughts for you and maybe they'll rub off on me too.
tina
Posted by lostsailor on February 25, 2003, at 10:53:26
In reply to Re: bad day starting » Emme, posted by tina on February 25, 2003, at 9:44:07
I know that same feeling well enough. I guess I am lucky in that I am pretty confident that I'll never do anything to rash.
While reading your post I realized that despite your turmoil, you still have people that you care enough for to get your affairs in order. Maybe you can turn to them for a bit of support. Just a guess...
I don't know if this helps but I know that when I feel that blue, I try to focus on the others that would be effected by my actions and the feeling subsides.
Let us know how it's going.
~toyn
Posted by NikkiT2 on February 25, 2003, at 11:58:04
In reply to bad day starting, posted by Emme on February 25, 2003, at 5:59:57
I was like that yesterday.. I am feeling a little brighter today (well, not brighter, but different and no quite so desperate as yesterday).
Why do these things appear outta nowhere eh??!!
Hope tomorrow is better for you
Nikki x
Posted by noa on February 26, 2003, at 5:42:52
In reply to bad day starting, posted by Emme on February 25, 2003, at 5:59:57
That was an important step in my recovery, too--just being able to consider that bad days do and will happen, but that good days, or at least better days, will also happen, and not to get derailed by a bad day. Glad you can see the hope of the mid-day fog lift. It is important to have perspective about how your mood changes depending on time of day, or certain triggers, etc. Feel Better!
Posted by Emme on February 26, 2003, at 6:29:23
In reply to Re: bad day starting » Emme, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2003, at 9:23:15
> I'm sorry, Emme. There are days that I wish I could just start over.
Or fast forward through....
> Keep those affairs in disorder.
My therapist says something similar. :)
> I find that if there are things I must do before I do something self destructive, that the urges have time to go away or lessen. Or as you said, your mood can turn.
It does seem like I'm most immobilized when I'm most er...dangerous.
> You seem to have a good understanding that you won't always feel this way. While I know that doesn't make it feel any better, at least hold on to that understanding to help you keep perspective.
Well, the logical side can repeat the mantra "A bad day today doesn't guarantee a bad day tomorrow." It's really me trying to reason with myself. Good cognitive practice, right? Except it doesn't always make it back to the emotional side. So...what if I lose control in one of these nightmarish moods?
But you are right, not having things neatly wrapped up and organized is one strategy.
> I hope your day improves.Thanks. At least it didn't get worse...
Emme
Posted by Emme on February 26, 2003, at 6:31:54
In reply to Re: bad day starting » Emme, posted by tina on February 25, 2003, at 9:44:07
> I woke up today feeling the same way Emme. Not actually suicidal, just very hopeless about life and the fact that I had absolutely no reason to get out of bed. Lying in bed last night my brain was going over and over regrets and mistakes and I could hardly fall asleep so I guess my brain kept going while I was sleeping and I woke up with it all still in my mind.
> I hope your day does get better.
> I'm mustering some good thoughts for you and maybe they'll rub off on me too.
> tinaThanks for the good thoughts. I'll try to return the favor. I'm sorry you had a similar morning. I hope today is better for you. I've decided that winter mornings are just plain evil things.
Emme
Posted by Emme on February 26, 2003, at 6:42:26
In reply to Re: bad day starting, posted by lostsailor on February 25, 2003, at 10:53:26
> I know that same feeling well enough.
I wish we could put all of the people having bad mornings together when we wake up to have tea and donuts and give each other some company.
> While reading your post I realized that despite your turmoil, you still have people that you care enough for to get your affairs in order.Aah, it's all guilt and a dedication to duty and tying up loose ends.
> Maybe you can turn to them for a bit of support. Just a guess...
Well, it's not that they don't care at *all*. Dad cares but he doesn't always know how to respond. Mom finding out about the mood disorder would be the end of life as I know it. She is overly worried and anxious all th time as it is and she exhausts me. She smother me, try to get me to not take medicine, and would never be able to treat me as a normal human again. One brother & sister in law are aware. Even though they're sympathetic, they wouldn't take the time to call and check on me in good times or bad. I do all the calling. The other brother I don't trust with such info. So...I'm kind of on my own as far as the family goes.
> I don't know if this helps but I know that when I feel that blue, I try to focus on the others that would be effected by my actions and the feeling subsides.I know that that should be a good plan. I guess I feel that they would be appropriately sad and ultimately move on. Especially my brothers - they like me but would not really notice my absence.
> Let us know how it's going.It's another day and I'm going to try to force myself to get a certain amount of work done.
Thanks for your support,
Emme
Posted by lostsailor on February 27, 2003, at 0:03:38
In reply to Re: bad day starting, posted by Emme on February 26, 2003, at 6:42:26
we've all been there. I undestand the smothering mom thing. esp after i broke she seemed to be on a new mission in life...lol. They do care, like you said, though and we do too.
im sure if you come long enough youll see one of us posting something similar soon.
night,
~tony
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