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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by dogboy on March 25, 2003, at 12:45:03
Hi everyone...
I'm pondering issues to do with the mental health 'closet'.
My background is a 14-yr history of clinical depression, under control at the moment with medication, which is to say that I don't find day-to-day living a struggle any more. Some days I even feel quite content.
On the other hand, I still have emotional / social problems. My self-confidence and self-esteem are fundamentally poor. Life is pretty grey, and my moods are low. I am gosh darn tooting lonely, having been single for the last 8(!) years now.Don't get me wrong! Life is so much better for me now than it was when I just constantly wanted to die all the time. I am glad to be alive.
But the question is, to what extent can I be open about all this with 'normal' people? What's the right balance to strike between constantly pretending you are 100% fine, and at the other extreme regaling strangers with anecdotes about your suicide attempts?
Some people in the mental health movement compare the issue with gay rights, and advocate 'coming out' publicly. There is even a Mad Pride organisation.
Part of me says 'I can see that logic' and part of me says 'Mad Pride? Are you insane?! Might as well just get your willy out in public!'.*What do you chaps think?
(* Which, before anyone suggests it, NO WAY.)
Posted by Janelle on March 25, 2003, at 13:36:55
In reply to Newbie Poster, posted by dogboy on March 25, 2003, at 12:45:03
Hello there and a WARM welcome - this is a great place!
I can relate to a lot of what you've said - I too ponder issues to do with the mental health 'closet' as you put it.
I have a long history of *mental illness*/emotional problems, low self confidence, low self esteem, mood swings and feeling *alienated* from the general (so-called *normal*) population.
To address your question, I have found that you have to take it one case (person) at a time, you have to gauge who you're with in terms of how open you can be, how comfortable you feel opening up to the individual. At least that's what I do.
It is a DELICATE balance to strike between constantly pretending you are 100% fine, and at the other extreme telling strangers about your suicide attempts? Actually, I would NOT recommend the latter, unless the person opens up about it first (meaning *they* tell you that they've attempted suicide in the past).
Unfortunately, although things have improved, there is still a stigma attached to mental illness in the *normal* (actually, imo there's no such thing as *normal*) world, so it boils down to TRUST, who you can trust and then how much you reveal to those you feel you can trust. Well, this is how I see it!
Posted by Tabitha on March 25, 2003, at 13:45:10
In reply to Newbie Poster, posted by dogboy on March 25, 2003, at 12:45:03
Hi dogboy, here's my experience with this...
I tried being 'out' about my illness, and I found I didn't really get the response I wanted. People would mostly either say nothing (I think they were just uncomfortable) or else they'd go into nurse mode and treat me like a delicate little thing. The worst thing was when people just plain disapproved of my choice to take meds. I finally had to ask myself what I was really trying to achieve by sharing it. Maybe I just hadn't fully accepted and understood that part of my identity myself, and was trying to get others to do that for me. That wasn't fair of me, and of course I was bound to be disappointed in the result.
I also occasionally tried crusader mode, where I'd tell depressed friends or relatives how much psych meds had helped me, hoping they'd want to follow my path. Well they didn't, and I just ended up a little annoyed. So that didn't work either.
Now I decided to not share about it anymore, unless it really gets to the point in a relationship where you're close enough to share health concerns. It feels like a relief to be able to keep that aspect of myself private.
Posted by paxvox on March 25, 2003, at 14:11:01
In reply to Newbie Poster, posted by dogboy on March 25, 2003, at 12:45:03
ARRRRGHGHH!!! I made a whole page long post to answer you, and it got lost in the computer!
PAX
Posted by daizy on March 25, 2003, at 15:54:02
In reply to Newbie Poster, posted by dogboy on March 25, 2003, at 12:45:03
Hey! I relate to your post totally. Its not something that we should have to feel ashamed or embarrased about, but I do sometimes. It is hard to talk to people about it cause they just dont get it at all.I dont bother anymore because its too much hassle, I just come here and vent, hehehe!
Posted by lostsailor on March 25, 2003, at 19:00:13
In reply to Re: Newbie Poster, posted by daizy on March 25, 2003, at 15:54:02
Hi there...
You know you are not alone in all this. Since my last relationship that ended in 2000 I have been single too.
My relationship with my shrink of now going on 8 years is one of the "best" ones I have. I have trusted many and many have betrayed my trust. A few have not though, and I love them for that. As for Doc, he CAN'T if he likes his job...lol. But he's also the type that even if there were not laws I think I would still trust or else I would not have been with him so long.
I "came out" at work, while a social worker of all things, and my career was basically shot. And I was a good one I can say [ride and know I'm not just patting my-self on the back. I did figure, though, that would be the one field I could have done it in and not have been discriminated in. There is a professor og psychiatry at the John Hopkins’s med school that wrote a great book about her battles with bi-polar disorder (Kay Jamison) but I can't think of the title off hand. It is an amazing book if you want a great reference point as well as a good read.
Welcome to our community. I am glad you feel better than you have in the past. May I get you something to eat???
In peace, ~tony
Posted by sienna on March 25, 2003, at 20:19:10
In reply to Re: Newbie Poster » dogboy, posted by Janelle on March 25, 2003, at 13:36:55
Wow thats a tough question i have been struggling with too as this new boy im dating says, "holy prescription medicine batman, are you ok?" and i have to make up stuff to get around it till i know him better.
Anyhoo, welcome dogboy this is a great place to hang out.
sienna
Posted by bozeman on March 25, 2003, at 21:16:11
In reply to welcome!, posted by sienna on March 25, 2003, at 20:19:10
<nods head in agreement>
Complex people seldom have simple problems. Complex problems seldom have simple answers.
Welcome, dogboy, nice to have you in our cyberworld. :-)
bozeman
Posted by dogboy on March 26, 2003, at 5:46:05
In reply to Newbie Poster, posted by dogboy on March 25, 2003, at 12:45:03
Thanks to everyone who responded to this.
The problem I find is that sometimes to 'pass' for normal requires actively lying! Sienna said:
"i have to make up stuff to get around it till i know him better"
(which, by the way, I can totally understand and I'm not judging)- this is the dilemma exactly.
It gets in the way of social interaction, because people are getting to know someone who isn't actually you. And I also hate the feeling that I am hiding some sort of shameful secret.Oops, got to go.
Byeee!
This is the end of the thread.
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