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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by yesac on July 1, 2003, at 15:28:58
I don't know guys, the past couple days I feel like I'm going down. I wonder if it might have something to do with cutting my lamictal dose in half yesterday (and today). It seems like that would be so quick to feel the effects. I can just feel the depression welling up though. Hmmmm. this isn't good. I don't feel good at all.
I feel bothered/upset by stupid little things like that the hairdresser did a bad job when I got my hair cut yesterday - uneven strands. And worried about new roomates moving in in a month, and annoyed/depressed that I don't have a cable jack in my room and I don't know if it would be okay to ask my landlord about putting one in. And I was hit last night with my aloneness. Like, I didn't talk to anyone all night after leaving work, not even on the phone, and who would I really talk to anyway? I'm afraid I'll go home and not have a good time (going on vacation for the 4th).
Oh God. This really isn't good. The more I think the worse it gets. Oh no. I don't know if this is just a temporary thing and I'll feel better soon or not.
Posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 16:03:47
In reply to feeling like I'm going down , posted by yesac on July 1, 2003, at 15:28:58
I am sending you all the positive vibes I can muster to help hold off the demon...............
I am so sorry you're slipping. But you have company, as you know. We're here for you.
(((((yesac)))))
I'm not going home for the 4th because I can't deal with the family. It's just better to stay here, even though I'll be alone.
Any reason why you cut the Lamictal in half?
And I do know what you mean about not having anyone to talk to, on the phone or otherwise. I actually resorted to talking to my MOM last night, and that wasn't much help but was at least a distraction. Not having anyone, other than my therapist once a week, to talk to is the reason I'm back on this board. It's the closest I can come to talking to someone who understands.
Hoping this is only temporary.
Take care.
Penny
Posted by mair on July 1, 2003, at 16:03:52
In reply to feeling like I'm going down , posted by yesac on July 1, 2003, at 15:28:58
You've highlighted some of the worst things about depressions - turning small matters in huge concerns, the fear of not knowing where a bad mood is "headed," and the difficulty of seeing that our worst feelings will not be permanent. Mostly, I think I hate the second thing - not knowing how long you're going to feel depressed - always wondering whether the feeling of being depressed is transitory, or whether another major episode is looming.
I always try to continually remind myself that based on prior experience, my feelings won't last. I also try to remind myself that if I am depressed, my feelings about things are being distorted. It's hard to do this because of course I don't feel at all as if I'm distorting things and depressive thoughts have such a permanent feel to them.
When all else fails, I also try to tell myself that my circumstances are different now than they were at the start of other major episodes - I have a therapist who is pretty vigilant when she thinks I'm starting to slip, and I have a pdoc who continually tells me that I do still have meds alternatives. So it's more unlikely now that a major episode is going to creep up on me and settle in for the long haul.
Before you think the worst, talk to your doc about the lamictal. I can't remember if you are in therapy, but if so, be open about what you feel might be happening.
(and of course keep posting here - on at least one occasion I can think of , my PSB buddies recognized I was heading downwards before I did.)
Mair
Posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 16:12:15
In reply to feeling like I'm going down , posted by yesac on July 1, 2003, at 15:28:58
Oh - you can also email me if you'd like:
Posted by yesac on July 2, 2003, at 12:32:10
In reply to No, no, no!!! » yesac, posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 16:03:47
Thanks for the positive vibes. So far today I feel okay, except a bit anxious about my flight which is later today. Just worried about missing it and such, usual travel anxiety I guess.
> I'm not going home for the 4th because I can't deal with the family. It's just better to stay here, even though I'll be alone.
Sorry you'll be alone. Is your roomate leaving? In some ways, I sort of wish that I was staying and could experience the Chapel Hill/Carrboro 4th celebration. I've heard the Carrboro stuff is pretty cool. I've only lived here since last October so I don't know about what goes on here.
> Any reason why you cut the Lamictal in half?
Well... I don't know. I just got the idea in my head that I wanted to give it a try to see what would happen, how I'd feel, and if I'd lose the weight it caused me to gain. Also, I just don't feel like refilling my prescription and paying the copay right now. So I'm planning to try this until I see my psychiatrist a week from friday. I know it's probably not the brightest idea ever, but oh well. Maybe I should have run it by him first, but I think he would have said to not do it. Although he isn't pushy, knows I can do what I want.
> And I do know what you mean about not having anyone to talk to, on the phone or otherwise. I actually resorted to talking to my MOM last night, and that wasn't much help but was at least a distraction. Not having anyone, other than my therapist once a week, to talk to is the reason I'm back on this board. It's the closest I can come to talking to someone who understands.Sometimes talking to anyone about anything is better than talking to no one. But not always. Most of the time I avoid my roomates because I feel like I just can't handle talking to them, even though maybe it would be good for me. I like talking to people at work. It's practically the highlight of my social life.
Thanks for your email address. I'll hold on to that for the future.
Posted by yesac on July 2, 2003, at 12:38:11
In reply to Re: feeling like I'm going down , posted by mair on July 1, 2003, at 16:03:52
I feel somewhat better today. Let's hope it lasts while I am on vacation. I'm afraid that I'll be really depressed next week when I have to come back and face my life, though. But I guess I shouldn't worry about that yet....
Posted by noa on July 2, 2003, at 12:43:47
In reply to feel better today, posted by yesac on July 2, 2003, at 12:38:11
Glad today is better. One thing I have had to try to learn is not to make too much of every downturn. What I mean is that when I start going downward, I get panicky that it will be the full fledged slide back into hell, but I am constantly learning to see that sometimes it is just a bad day or bad few days, and to just roll with it.
Have a good vacation.
Posted by Penny on July 2, 2003, at 12:47:46
In reply to Re: No, no, no!!! » Penny, posted by yesac on July 2, 2003, at 12:32:10
> > I'm not going home for the 4th because I can't deal with the family. It's just better to stay here, even though I'll be alone.
>
> Sorry you'll be alone. Is your roomate leaving? In some ways, I sort of wish that I was staying and could experience the Chapel Hill/Carrboro 4th celebration. I've heard the Carrboro stuff is pretty cool. I've only lived here since last October so I don't know about what goes on here.My roommate is housesitting until the 6th, and I'm okay with that. Okay with being alone for the most part - I'll probably not do much more than sleep anyway, as that's about all I seem to be able to do these days. I'm so drained...
>
> > Any reason why you cut the Lamictal in half?
>
> Well... I don't know. I just got the idea in my head that I wanted to give it a try to see what would happen, how I'd feel, and if I'd lose the weight it caused me to gain. Also, I just don't feel like refilling my prescription and paying the copay right now. So I'm planning to try this until I see my psychiatrist a week from friday. I know it's probably not the brightest idea ever, but oh well. Maybe I should have run it by him first, but I think he would have said to not do it. Although he isn't pushy, knows I can do what I want.I understand. I actually have to go get my Lamictal refill today (joy) and it just stresses me out with all the money I pour into meds. Fortunately, my doc keeps me as supplied as he can with samples, knowing my financial situation. Of course, now that the new fiscal year has started, there's that new deductible. Joy.
>
> Sometimes talking to anyone about anything is better than talking to no one. But not always. Most of the time I avoid my roomates because I feel like I just can't handle talking to them, even though maybe it would be good for me. I like talking to people at work. It's practically the highlight of my social life.I have to limit the subject matter when I'm feeling bad, especially when talking to family and my roommate.
Unfortunately, I'm stuck on the third floor of my building and rarely see my coworkers. It sucks, I feel so isolated. I truly think I'd get more accomplished if I was on the first floor with everyone else. Then again, maybe not. I do think I was more productive at my last job, even with all the interruptions of folks coming in and out of the office. I thought this, having more privacy, would be better, but now I don't think so.
>
> Thanks for your email address. I'll hold on to that for the future.No problem.
Take care.
Penny
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