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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by girl on July 19, 2003, at 11:58:02
I'm due for liposuctioin in a few days. I've been talking to my pdoc about itand while he doesn't approve, he can;t sway me. I'm not obese. I'm just a bit chubby but I hate it. I hate my body. Because of it, I think I've started to hate myself. Low self esteem, yes, I know. Forget diets, they just make me cranky. I figured that if I had the ways and means (ie money) to do it, then I should go for it. Hopefully, if all goes well, I can start liking myself again. But what is the beginning of liking oneself? Is it liking the inside then the outside or the other way around? Somehow for me, if I don't like me outside, I'm just disgusted with my inside. Bad enough I'm not at my ideal figure, but I've got psych problems to boot. Everythign I'm doing, no matter how strange or crazy it may be all seems to be for the sake of getting better. I want to get better. It isn't just my mind that has to get better. My mind will never be better if I physically abhor myself. Am I making sense? It's vain, but aren't we allowed vanity? Why can't I do what I want to make myself happy? Why is liposuction such a taboo subject and much worse, why is getting anything cosmetically done by a psych patient sound like an inane thing to do... as if I'm not in the right frame of mind. No one is supporting me in this decision. It's the "we like you just as you are" argument. But I don't like me the way I am. Isn't that enough reason? I want to be thin and pretty and feel good about myself. Thoughts? Objections, anyone?
Posted by kara lynne on July 19, 2003, at 12:28:16
In reply to babbling, posted by girl on July 19, 2003, at 11:58:02
Hi girl,
I've known a couple of people who've had it done; they say it was really no big deal. Someone will always have something negative to say about things like that--and they'll probably be the ones making the next appointments.'why is getting anything cosmetically done by a psych patient sound like an inane thing to do...'
That's funny, I'd never thought of it. I do think we're package deals--as long as you don't expect tweaking the outside to 'fix' your insides you're ok. The problem is when you hate yourself so much that nothing is ever enough, or you begin to distort perception of yourself (eg body dysmorphic disorder kind of thing).
I got my hair colored yesterday and I hate it so much I don't even want to go outside. I tend to magnify those things and give them too much importance. I don't think you have to ignore them, but I don't think you should become them either--as I am prone to do.
The only thing that bothers me is that you think you can't begin to like yourself again until you get liposuction--kind of a harsh requirement. Then you've given your soul over to a suction tube--or a tube of hair coloring in my case.
I'm sure it will go well for you. And if it makes you feel better, who's to say it's wrong?
Good luck, girl--let us know how it goes.
Posted by paxvox on July 19, 2003, at 15:29:34
In reply to babbling, posted by girl on July 19, 2003, at 11:58:02
Self-image is, indeed, an important issue. However, one needs to be very careful in traversing the line between esthetics and obsessions. For instance, I have lost over 40 pounds over the last 3 years, to a weight I have not been since I was 17 (I'm 43 now). For a while, I was worried about the weight loss as, perhaps, having a more profound medical cause. Now that I think that is not the case, I am OK with my slimmer self. As a matter of fact, now that I've purchased smaller waist pants, etc...I am uncomfortable that I have picked up a few pounds lately, and am watching what I eat. This is really ridiculous if one was to look at it objectively. True, healthy dieting is good, and there is evidence that being UNDER weight, if DONE healthfully, can actually prolong life. But one must "weigh" (ha ha) the risks of weight vs. health VERY carefully. I am 6'1" and weight 167 (male), I used to weigh in at about 195-200,which is OK for my height. That is a fairly dramatic change. I feel better about myself at this size, as I also work out, and am in good shape muscularly. But when I see that little spare tire starting to expand on my waist, and my pants start to feel a little tight,I begin to "feel" fatter. This is true only in that it IS fat that I have gained around my waist area. It is not, however, a health issue. SO, what I am trying to say (after all this babbling) is that you should be certain that your goals are not tied to an obsession with being thin if you are already well within the "normal" BMI for you height and weight. WE should not so closely align our feelings of self-worth with our body image at the cost of our overall health. Think carefully about what your TRUE motivations are, ask some of your friends what THEY think, and try to listen to them objectively.
PAX
Posted by noa on July 19, 2003, at 15:41:07
In reply to babbling, posted by girl on July 19, 2003, at 11:58:02
Hey, only you know if it is the right decision for you.
Without knowing you, it is hard to say, but my tendency is to think it will change your figure, and you will likely be happy about that, but it is NOT likely to change how you feel about yourself.
I dunno. We're all different. But I think the self-regard thing goes deeper.
Posted by whiterabbit on July 19, 2003, at 16:36:10
In reply to Re: babbling, posted by kara lynne on July 19, 2003, at 12:28:16
I don't see anything wrong with it...if you can afford it and it will make you feel better, I say go for it. Just be VERY careful about choosing a doctor so there will be no screw-ups. You want a person board-certified, affiliated with at least one reputable hospital in your area, with lots of experience...you do NOT want Joe Blow performing any type of surgery on your body...if you have a GP that you trust, ask her for recommendations and an opinion on the doctor who will perform your surgery. Even if your GP doesn't know the other doctor personally, doctors usually know about other doctors in their vicinity who have a reputation for not being very good...
With all that said, don't expect TOO much from the liposuction, it won't change your life. People with low self-esteem usually have a distorted mental image of themselves, like Kara said, so if you're measuring your self-worth mainly by outward appearance, you probably won't be satisfied no matter how good you really do look. When I see pictures of myself when I was in my 20s and early 30s, I'm always surprised by how attractive I was, because I never thought of myself as being attractive...
It's a different story these days. I began to put on weight when I started on psych meds a few years ago, which was so distressing for me that I wanted to stop taking the medication. But the unmedicated Gracie was an extremely unhappy and barely functional individual, so I've had to accept the weight gain because I could never, ever go back to being so miserable and depressed, no matter what...
I discussed this with my psychiatrist's nurse just last week, she's really sharp and I've been impressed by her competence. She talked to the doctor about it and then told me it would be easier to get the weight off if I wanted to taper off the Seroquel...I was frightened by the thought, though, because my brain is working much better these days and I don't want to mess it up. What we decided is that I'll stay on the Seroquel for now, I'm under a lot of stress - going through a divorce - so I'll wait until this crap is behind me and then we'll work on tapering the medication.
The point of all this being (assuming I do have a point, haha) that I've had to learn how to like myself EVEN WITH the weight gain and passing the age 40 milestone, no longer a spring chicken...if you're not thrilled with your outward appearance, you have to find some other yardstick for measuring your self-worth. There's nothing wrong with being concerned about your appearance, wanting to be attractive, and working towards that end...it doesn't mean you're vain, not at all. However, it's unwise to place TOO much emphasis on outward appearance alone, you HAVE to find other things to like about yourself because beauty is fleeting and tenuous. For your own peace of mind, you must start to shift your focus
from the way you LOOK to the things you DO - your accomplishments, your kindness to others, what you learn along the way.So sure, get the liposuction if that's what you want, but work on the other stuff too, the beauty inside.
-Gracie
Posted by gabbix2 on July 19, 2003, at 17:35:15
In reply to Re: babbling, posted by whiterabbit on July 19, 2003, at 16:36:10
I had liposuction done 2 years ago,
when I came into a surprise windfall, for me it was a foolish way to spend the money, because I'm poor again, but I'd wanted the liposuction for so long.
I echo Emphatically what Whiterabbit said.
I was considered a perfect candidate, not overweight but troublespots, hips and thighs.
I was so stupid, and bargain hunted, I spent about 3500 Canadian.After 3 days of excruciating pain, and I think 3 weeks of wearing the most godawful indescribably
uncomfortable garment that sqeezes you together.
There was NO difference. Not one noticeable bit of a difference. I lost a little fluid, it looked like maybe I'd fasted for a day or two, but within a week that was gone.I have however heard of many people being absolutely thrilled with the results, and having very little pain. So whatever you do, don't be stingy!!!
I would do it again, if I could spend more money.
Posted by noa on July 19, 2003, at 18:33:00
In reply to Re: babbling, posted by gabbix2 on July 19, 2003, at 17:35:15
Yes, it sounds like choosing a doctor carefully is essentia.
But one more thought I had. Why does your pdoc not want you to do the liposuction?
Have you had problems with Body Dismorphic Disorder or anything like that?
Posted by girl on July 19, 2003, at 22:14:57
In reply to Re: babbling, posted by noa on July 19, 2003, at 18:33:00
I don't think I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I don't know my BMI. I just want to be better looking. I miss the confidence I had when I was. Instead of BDD, I have a mother who for as long as I can remember naggedme about my figure. From my preteen years to my twenties, so on. She's thin. It's just supposed to be that her daughter is too, I guess. I think that the years of pummeling all these negative thoughts all these years have finally gotten to me. Once, as we were saying goodbye after lunch, she wasn't even saying goodbbye to my face. She was staring right at my stomach. So I guess you can say that's where the physical low self esteem comes from. And that's also why my pdoc isn't so hot on my decision. When I threatened liposuction on my mother before I made the appointment, she completely changed her tune. It scared her off, but it's too late for me. What my mother says and thinks has a profound effect on me. It's one of the things that I'm adressing now, to be my own person. It sounds crazy but even though I know all these facts about my feelings to my mother's comments, my present non-weight condition, my pdoc's apprehension and my boyfriend's displeasure too, I still want to go through with it. In fact I can't wait for it to be over and see what happens next. I keep thinking that a thinner, physically improved me will open some doors (I'm in the fashion business so you can guess what I'm faced with).
Posted by justyourlaugh on July 20, 2003, at 11:51:02
In reply to Re: babbling, posted by girl on July 19, 2003, at 22:14:57
"threatened liposuction"
odd choice of words?
perhaps you may view you choice as a punishment?
just a thought
j:)
This is the end of the thread.
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