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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 11:03:57
I whimpered and bellyached last night. It was difficult, in the absence of daytime distractions, to escape feeling the pain -- and I wonder, as always -- where emotional pain comes from ... What its role is ... how to find the courage to embrace it, move through it, swallow it whole and come out the other side. (I wasn't able to do so). I broke down and called Paul at such a late hour, he wasn't home, and the friend he's staying with was no doubt sleeping. I spent hours looking at this "find a mate" place: eharmony.com ... interesting site some of you might wish to check out. I looked at the local Yahoo Personals -- but, you know? This is so unlike me. Better, I think, to get out and get doing things -- and see whom might cross my path.
I've got my hair in curlers this morning. Woo hoo. I'm going to put on ome makeup and go meet the "new faces" person at the modeling agency downtown. What the heck. I used to make up to $500 a day, although it's not likely I'll be in that range now. Am also going to stop in Barnes and Nobles and -- gasp -- Bed, Bath and Beyond. My son is going to need lots of things to get his dorm room set up.
I am ... somewhat fueding with his father. You know, the one who works as a voice-over artist (NBA Jam, NFL Blitz, etc.) and makes money hand-over-fist ... but shares reluctantly. Child support through the years has been a fraction of what it should have been had I been able to arrange child support collection enforcement between our two states. Anyhow, when Jared was "almost" 18, Tim decided it was time to cut us off. I'm trying to purchase tickets to get all of us out to LA, but Tim's stalling -- it's more of a story than you need here, but I'm tempted just to buy tickets for Jared and me and let Tim figure out his travel on his own. It'd be just like him, anyhow, to decide last-minute he couldn't come .... So I've got that little tussle going.
AND ... I called Paul this morning. I used sleeping medication to get me through the night (such a wimp), and -- this morning -- learned his friend is kicking him out. "It's not working out," Andrea said. "Call me back later."
Paul said Andrea thought he should go into rehab.
Not a bad idea.
In the meantime, I've asked if he'd pleeaaasssseee put my camera in the mail. I'd feel better having my "stuf" back -- AND -- I'll keep you posted. This is a pretty pathetic series of stories I seem to be sharing here -- but there's nowhere to go ... noone to talk with ... but you.
And I'm ever grateful for that. Thanks, Temmie.
Posted by fallsfall on July 19, 2003, at 11:45:11
In reply to Continuing the Paul and Temmie Saga, posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 11:03:57
Temmie,
You really are doing a lot. Going down to the modeling agency, getting your son ready for college (that first year is SO expensive!) despite his father - I agree that you make your arrangements and let him make his. Reading some personals (I've actually met 2 people that way).
That's a lot.
Sounds like you need to talk to Andrea. Maybe if both you and Andrea push he will go into rehab - that would probably be a good thing. I know that you are lonely, but please be very careful and protect yourself.
Maybe when you "Better, I think, to get out and get doing things -- and see whom might cross my path." You'll meet some new friends (men and women) who will help you feel less lonely.
Eagerly awaiting the next installment.
Posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 11:51:58
In reply to Re: Continuing the Paul and Temmie Saga » Temmie, posted by fallsfall on July 19, 2003, at 11:45:11
You know. The one who flew across the room to stranggle him after one of our late-night chats (while I was obvlious to there being a roommate/lover). Jane. The one who filed the A&B charges.
I am devastated. I learned he'd been kicked out of Andrea's this morning. Andrea gave me the update and I am ... just ... plain ... shocked.
It's over.
I'm taking my Xanax with me wherever I go today -- which will likely NOT be the modeling agency. My hands are shaking. I am prone to tears, but this is the end.
I can't wait until he calls me.
I want my f&cking camera back, and wonder if I'll ever see it.
It's over it's over it's over it's over. I hope I'm not hurting too long.
* * * * * * *
I kept having dreams, incidentally, of Paul cheating on me, and he asked "I wonder where those are coming from?" He called me his princess, his soul mate and true love. He called me his other-half ... the "one." You know. He was so affectionate (and said all the right things). But in my heart, I knew.
Please please please God, help me through this now.
Posted by fallsfall on July 19, 2003, at 14:21:44
In reply to Paul Spent the Night with His Ex Last Night, posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 11:51:58
Temmie,
I'm sorry that your dream is gone. But I'm glad that you know what you need to know to keep yourself safe. You don't want to end up in court, too. They can be so seductive, can't they? They know just how to make us melt. Somehow, though, we don't make our best decisions when we are a puddle on the floor.
Please stay strong and remember what Andrea told you. That is what you will need to do to act in your best interest. You can do this. You have proven that you have strength. If your resolve weakens, please post!
If you end up coming out of this just losing your camera, then I think you have done pretty well. You might consider if it is worth the camera to have to talk to him again.
Good Luck
Posted by gabbix2 on July 19, 2003, at 14:41:49
In reply to Re: Paul Spent the Night with His Ex Last Night » Temmie, posted by fallsfall on July 19, 2003, at 14:21:44
>They know just how to make us melt. Somehow, >though, we don't make our best decisions when we >are a puddle on the floor
So true :(
And they know just how make it sound like they're not handing you a line....
Posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 15:00:52
In reply to Re: Paul Spent the Night with His Ex Last Night » Temmie, posted by fallsfall on July 19, 2003, at 14:21:44
I knew this was coming. I had those dreams ... and he was such a risk of a guy, anyway, taking life and limb in hand while driving down the road half-tanked. Still, I'm devastated. I'm taking Xanax -- I don't even know how many now. Two maybe. Three. I'm drinking beer and keeping myself in a stupor, I guess, until I can manage the pain. Thank you thank you thank you thank you for beeing here with me through this. Your support brings tears to my eyes. Sad Temmie.
Posted by gabbix2 on July 19, 2003, at 15:24:03
In reply to Help Help Help Help Help Help Help » fallsfall, posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 15:00:52
I just wanted to let you know you have a soul mate in misery over here in Canada, except I'm popping seroquel. I found out through the grapevine that my Fiancee who went away to work for a couple of weeks, and 'was made to love me' and wanted nothing more than to spend his life making me happy, has been ignoring my letters and emails, and generally denied my existance..
He didn't even have the courtesy to let me know.I'm such a wreck, I couldn't even go out to get groceries today, breakfast was cold kidney beans..
and seroquel. I'd kill for a xanax. Dr won't prescribe them.Its hell. Why do they go through so much trouble
just to lie?
Posted by noa on July 19, 2003, at 15:35:29
In reply to Help Help Help Help Help Help Help » fallsfall, posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 15:00:52
I hope you get your camera, but......the cynic in me thinks he'll sell it for dope.
Posted by fallsfall on July 19, 2003, at 15:42:15
In reply to Help Help Help Help Help Help Help » fallsfall, posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 15:00:52
Temmie.
It will be OK. You will get through this.
Pills and booze are not a very good combination. Let's try to think of a different way to get through the day.
What you are going through is not that different from my situation right now. I just left my therapist of 8 1/2 years. When I saw her it was both wonderful and awful - at the same time. Wonderful because she gave me comfort - she "held" me, I was safe. But I felt that she was angry at me, which meant that I was "bad" (evil). So I had both ends of the spectrum at the same time (I'm borderline, I see everything as black and white - no shades of grey for me) - it was excruciating. When it got painful enough I left. My new therapist is fine, but we really don't know each other very well yet. He is not comforting (yet?), but he doesn't give me pain, either. I miss my old therapist, I miss the comfort and the holding. It is very easy for me to see only the good side or only the bad side (that's the black and white stuff). I think of her and remember the good parts and I want to go back there. I want to call her. I NEED her. But I have to keep remembering the bad part, too. It was very painful (it took more than 48 hours after therapy before I could do anything). It is easier to feel how the comfort felt, than how the pain was. But I remind myself that when I decided to leave that I knew what I was doing, that I can't live with the pain anymore. That I have to give my new therapist a chance (6 sessions don't give you the connection of 8 1/2 years).
You can feel the love, and I think you are pretty lonely, so it feels really good. But you need to be realistic with yourself on how much he could hurt you (both physically and emotionally). You need to be realistic when you consider your pain now vs. your pain in 6 months when you feel closer to him but he has betrayed your trust. It is easier to let him go now. He isn't the only man on earth (boy, I really thought my therapist was the only therapist on earth - and I was wrong). It is so hard to let go of something you need so much. But you have a good mind - let it have some say in this.
So, I think that you need to think through what is in your best interest. Acknowledge that the love feels really good. But also acknowledge that the pain that is likely ahead overshadows that.
I was wondering if this was harder for you because your son is heading off to college. My second child graduated this year, I still have one to go. So I know what it is like to "lose" a child, but I don't know what it is like to "lose" your last child. I would think that would be really hard. Your whole life changes dramatically. So it might be harder to turn down someone who will keep you company and make you feel good. But you have to look at the whole picture.
Are you with me so far?
Posted by Tabitha on July 19, 2003, at 15:50:06
In reply to Paul Spent the Night with His Ex Last Night, posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 11:51:58
Ugh. Sounds like this guy needs a woman to take care of him at all times... the romantic words are the hook. Ugh. Be glad he's targeted Jane and not you. Soon she'll be drained dry.
Posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 16:17:21
In reply to Help Help Help Help Help Help Help » fallsfall, posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 15:00:52
Thank you everyone. I've called Paul's brother, another friend of ours ... and will be calling Jane's friend, Jackie, just as soon as she's available. I've called Andrea -- the woman we were craching with (where Paul and Jane made their love nest after my leaving). I even called his mother. No answer. I am a crazy woman. Crazy in my grief. Crying, between moments of feeling anesthesized. I just want to talk with him. I just want the satisfaction of saying: (1) I inow; and (2) it's over. (3) or course, is that he should take my camera immediately to friend Karen who'll get it back to me -- but, yes -- whether by spite, or for drug money, I don't expect to see it.
Suxh a f*cking, f*cking jerk. We were talking marriage Wednesday night (not that I didn't know it was take a LOT o work), and talking of him returning to the midwest yesterday. F*ck all you guys who can't keep your pants zipped .... I guess I'm just happy in knowing that I'm loveable, I'm passionate, I know how to do all the right things (including being a faithful companion), and -- yes -- I'm already perusing the personals in the alternative newspaper. Just a little companionship wouldn't hurt. I'd just like someone to DO things with.
Someone to talk to.
Thank you for being that "someone" for now. I've got Seroquel, too, btw, which I plan on using liberally this evening.
XXX, Temmie
Posted by gabbix2 on July 19, 2003, at 16:24:51
In reply to Re: Help Help Help Help Help Help Help All, posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 16:17:21
I just said to Lostsailor in a post,
that if life was fair, we would not have to take anti-psychotics because of a broken heart.
If we took them, they would keep the psychotics OUT OF OUR LIVES! An Anti-Psychotic barrier
for women who pick the wrong men
Posted by lostsailor on July 20, 2003, at 20:34:10
In reply to Seroquel--Temmie, posted by gabbix2 on July 19, 2003, at 16:24:51
>>I just said to Lostsailor in a post,
that if life was fair, we would not have to take anti-psychotics because of a broken heart.
If we took them, they would keep the psychotics OUT OF OUR LIVES! An Anti-Psychotic barrier
for women who pick the wrong men <<AHEM...I can think of the reversal being true as well... Why are men always to blame. It was Eve that ate the apple of "knowledge."
:):):)
~tony
Posted by Temmie on July 20, 2003, at 20:52:23
In reply to Re: Seroquel--Temmie gabbix, posted by lostsailor on July 20, 2003, at 20:34:10
I am dead. And sick. I am dead and sick and I don't know where this conversation is going. First of all, I'm a beautiful woman, and a terrific "catch" by anyone's standards. I can't understand -- despite the abuse in my background -- how I got tangled up with this man .... One whom I knew so little about, but who's emotional baggage, addiction and disease were quickly apparant when we first got together. By then ... I was a goner. I guess that's where the "replicating what we're familiar with" comes in.
I loved the way he loved me.
This man ... just ... showered me with affection and praise.
I called a friend in Massachusetts tonight, actually a friend of Paul's whom I'd never met -- but to shorten things up -- who should happen to be there -- but Paul ... and Jane ....
The main point I communicated was *** I want my camera back *** That he should drive to Albany and leave it with a friend tomorrow.
After that?
I'll feel better able to let go, I think.
He says he still loves me, with Jane weeping in the background.
I asked him, "What does Jane think about all this?" And he responded, "I don't know what Jane thinks."
I could hear her in the background, "I'll tell her what I think ...."
So much f*cking melodrama.
I don't care who bit the apple first, and I don't think it's always the man at fault. I had enough red flags to caution against further involvement before things came to this ....
All I can say is -- thank God for beer, Xanax, Seroquel ... and occasional chats with friends to keep me going.
I'll get over this as soon as I'm able. (And you'll be hearing about it, no doubt, every step of the way.)
Temmie.
Posted by gabbix2 on July 20, 2003, at 20:53:39
In reply to Re: Seroquel--Temmie gabbix, posted by lostsailor on July 20, 2003, at 20:34:10
Okay, I'll give you the, its not always men,
I was with a woman for two years, and she was definitely the most abusive partner I've ever had.
Its true.
But lets not bring the Bible into it and blame the evils of the world on one woman;
according to one particular faith at that.
And even the Genesis story is open to many interpretations.
Its very dangerous territory.
Posted by lostsailor on July 20, 2003, at 21:01:53
In reply to Re: Seroquel--Temmie gabbix » lostsailor, posted by gabbix2 on July 20, 2003, at 20:53:39
Posted by lostsailor on July 20, 2003, at 21:03:28
In reply to Re: Seroquel--Temmie gabbix » lostsailor, posted by gabbix2 on July 20, 2003, at 20:53:39
Posted by gabbix2 on July 20, 2003, at 21:21:00
In reply to gabbixwhy does your pc always double pos/ lol (nm), posted by lostsailor on July 20, 2003, at 21:03:28
I have No idea, I used to think it was me,
but its not. Its really embarrassing.
I don't like seeing my name all over like that!
Posted by fallsfall on July 20, 2003, at 21:27:38
In reply to Re: Seroquel--Temmie gabbix, posted by Temmie on July 20, 2003, at 20:52:23
Good for you, Temmie!!!!!
You sound so strong. You know what you need (your camera and nothing else), and you will not entertain frivolous conversations.
He has a (maybe more than one) serious problem. Any man who would tell you that he loves you while his current (I don't know what the word is - woman he is sleeping with) is in the room has something definately wrong with him.
You've asked for the camera. I hope that you can let him go now (and if the camera doesn't show up, let it go, too).
You did really well. I'm proud of you.
Posted by gabbix2 on July 20, 2003, at 22:18:18
In reply to Re: Let go » Temmie, posted by fallsfall on July 20, 2003, at 21:27:38
A generalization was made about gender in two posts on this thread. It does say in the civility guidelines to avoid making generalizations. Lost sailor made a legitimate comment about that. If you look from top to bottom on any thread, you'll see thats pretty well the way they go, and has little to do with their quality.
Posted by Mercury on July 20, 2003, at 23:11:55
In reply to Re: Help Help Help Help Help Help Help All, posted by Temmie on July 19, 2003, at 16:17:21
Question for you Temmie. How much do you drink?
Mercury
Posted by Temmie on July 21, 2003, at 7:41:59
In reply to Re: Help Help Help Help Help Help Help All, posted by Mercury on July 20, 2003, at 23:11:55
I drink very little (until Paul, a few drinks a year). The other day, however, I went through a six pack.
Posted by Temmie on July 21, 2003, at 7:48:07
In reply to Re: Let go » Temmie, posted by fallsfall on July 20, 2003, at 21:27:38
Thank you, Fallsfall! I derive such strength and encouragement from your cheerful and encouraging words.
Thanks to all who've participated in this thread. I might start a new one ... Temmie
This is the end of the thread.
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