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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on July 22, 2003, at 3:46:58
I hate this..I *really* do...because I want so bad to relate to people on here. I lost my only child and then girlfriend to death within one year. Just a few days ago...I was at a resteraunt and commented to the waitress that "things aren't so bad", because she looked rushed and hurried and I asked her to not worry and take it easy. Then she blurts out.."but ya...you are not pregnant!". I just fumed underneath, and didn't say anything else, and almost started to cry. I read stories of people with relationship hardships, and I feel all f***ed up and have no idea what to feel, or how to respond when I want to. This has *got* to stop...I gotta lose that 'no forgiveness' for myself or anyone else.
No forgiveness...I ask why should I??...but it should be...why shouldn't I?Jay
Posted by fallsfall on July 22, 2003, at 6:20:17
In reply to Feel selfish, posted by jay on July 22, 2003, at 3:46:58
Jay,
I'm so sorry for your losses. I can't imagine what you are going through. It sounds reasonable to me for you to be in immense pain. Can you find a Bereavement Support Group in your area to help?
((((Jay))))
Posted by justyourlaugh on July 22, 2003, at 7:35:26
In reply to Feel selfish, posted by jay on July 22, 2003, at 3:46:58
jay,,
the horrible pain you are in can destrort the way you preceive things,,as i am sure you know.
mabe the waitress just got out of the hospital,floor3,yesterday....lol
so many people are ignorant,,but somany more are not..i am so tired of believing in devine purposes,,or karma...
i guess we gotto "go with the flow,,take baby steps,,get over it,,snap out of it,,blah blah blah..."
peace my friend
j
Posted by giget on July 22, 2003, at 7:56:43
In reply to Re: Feel shellfish » jay, posted by justyourlaugh on July 22, 2003, at 7:35:26
You are in such a good mood today... What is up? New drug... give me some!
> jay,,
> the horrible pain you are in can destrort the way you preceive things,,as i am sure you know.
> mabe the waitress just got out of the hospital,floor3,yesterday....lol
> so many people are ignorant,,but somany more are not..i am so tired of believing in devine purposes,,or karma...
> i guess we gotto "go with the flow,,take baby steps,,get over it,,snap out of it,,blah blah blah..."
> peace my friend
> j
Posted by lostsailor on July 22, 2003, at 8:49:15
In reply to Re: Feel shellfish » justyourlaugh, posted by giget on July 22, 2003, at 7:56:43
Jay...
Too much to fast
sorry
you only tried to be friendly
in a not so friendly word
I bet inside she knew that
No forgiveness...I ask why should I??...but it should be...why shouldn't I" your right, jay...but easy to forgretmale bonding hug ((jay))
Posted by giget on July 22, 2003, at 8:55:50
In reply to Feel selfish, posted by jay on July 22, 2003, at 3:46:58
Jay,
It is not your fault, you did not know. If she did not feel like talking about it, she would have shrugged it off, like she never heard you say anything. I think she was just extending that life is not always nice, and at times even the strongest fall."You can never tell a book by its cover"
She reached out to you for a reason, maybe that was all she needed was for someone else to know.... You did NOTHING wronge
My mom actually asked someone one day, that she had not seen in a while, when she was due.... the lady did not understand because she was not preg just gained alot of weight! Imagine that!
Posted by Dinah on July 22, 2003, at 10:22:27
In reply to Re: Feel selfish, posted by giget on July 22, 2003, at 8:55:50
>
> My mom actually asked someone one day, that she had not seen in a while, when she was due.... the lady did not understand because she was not preg just gained alot of weight! Imagine that!Unfortunately, I don't have to imagine it. :(
Posted by Penny on July 22, 2003, at 10:29:41
In reply to Re: Feel selfish » giget, posted by Dinah on July 22, 2003, at 10:22:27
Posted by noa on July 22, 2003, at 19:04:26
In reply to Feel selfish, posted by jay on July 22, 2003, at 3:46:58
Not selfish--just incredibly bereft, for good reason. I am so sorry to hear about your losses.
Are you getting any support? I think people who lose a child really need to sit with other people who have also lost a child. I imagine it is one of those things that needs that kind of shared experience to deal with the grief.
Posted by jay on July 22, 2003, at 22:36:41
In reply to Feel selfish, posted by jay on July 22, 2003, at 3:46:58
Really, thank you folks, as I had a particularlly bad night and day today. I had a nap late this afternoon, though, and a bit to eat and feel a bit more 'even'. This summer is the 5th and 6th anniversaries, and a 'flare up' has been slowly building which may also have to do with my problems with my meds. Plus, I start heavily using other drugs (I mentioned on the other board how much I 'loved' getting blasted on T3's and heavy, heavy benzo use..but it used to be really, really bad.I've tried most drugs out there as my 'escape hatch'....but who the hell would blame me?) around birthdays, anniversaries, etc. A couple of things I desperately need to do though, are *mostly* lose my fear of getting into another relationship, and to get myself, umm, "Out" of myself...and back into the world. With the help of my Mom and Dad and my brother and sister, and an absolutely wonderful, kind doctor, I've come a heck of a long ways, but of course the pain will *always* be there....and that's part of the price I pay for knowing, having and loving 'my two girls'. That last part I will always have a major f&^%ing problem with, but I've worked hard in trying to make something bigger and somehow important as part of the 'grand scheme'. Once in awhile, I can laugh a bit and I think of a line from Woody Allan; "If God has a problem with me..why can't He just come and tell me to my face?". Coming from a former atheist (me), this is something..heh.Thank you everyone...sincerely...and a very big group hug to you all. This place is a nice refuge from craziness of such a wacky world. I've never, ever in my life, before all this, realized what both a scary as hell, and at the same time wonderful world this can be. What a naive fool I used to be.
Sincerely,
Jay
Posted by noa on July 24, 2003, at 5:59:15
In reply to Re: Feel selfish--TY Everyone...I MEAN it..., posted by jay on July 22, 2003, at 22:36:41
>Once in awhile, I can laugh a bit and I think of a line from Woody Allan; "If God has a problem with me..why can't He just come and tell me to my face?".
Great line!
I have a few Woody Allen quotes that I like, too, that are useful from time to time. But yours is perfect!
I think the process is a bumpy one. Anniversaries are very significant. Even though you aren't a "believer", maybe it would help to pick some rituals to commemorate the anniversaries. You could select rituals you like from one or more religious or cultural traditions, or make up your own. I think this is an area where religion fills a need for people--all religions have rituals for events like death and I imagine most have some form of ritual for anniversaries of deaths, etc. I think it helps to have rituals, religious or not, for such occasions. I don't fully understand the psychology of it, but I know that rituals help people--maybe it provides structure for all the emotion? I don't know. But I wonder if it might help you to create your own rituals for such anniversaries.
I think a support group for people who have suffered losses like yours (spouse, child) could also help.
Take care, Jay.
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