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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on July 23, 2003, at 21:27:42
to want to die without being depressed? Just to logically, rationally want to not exist?
I won't kill myself, I know I won't, but I do wish I was never born. I am not depressed and don't do impulsive things. I just logically think that my life was a mistake and shouldn't have happened in the first place. I pray for death. I ask my dead friends to take me to where they are. I envy them. Is wanting non-existence such a bad thing? It seems rational to me.
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2003, at 22:03:46
In reply to Is it possible..........., posted by tina on July 23, 2003, at 21:27:42
Well, it's not a bad thing. No feelings are bad. But it does sound like a depressed thing.
How are you defining depression?
Posted by justyourlaugh on July 23, 2003, at 22:38:44
In reply to Re: Is it possible..........., posted by Dinah on July 23, 2003, at 22:03:46
tina,,
i feel so helpless,
but i do understand that feeling,,
i no longer believe in the "master plan"
i believe we need to make our own plans...
Posted by tina on July 23, 2003, at 22:39:10
In reply to Re: Is it possible..........., posted by Dinah on July 23, 2003, at 22:03:46
It's wonderful to be able to count on someone Dinah. thank you for giving me that.
I define MY depression as not being able to get out of bed, not being interested in anything, crying all the time, being sad and suicidal.
I don't feel that. I am exercising, working, keeping my house clean. I have sad moments but who wouldn't when their marriage has just ended. I don't feel suicidal either. I just want to never have existed. Have all the people I have ever known just lose their memories of me. TO never have been born at all. It seems rational to me. Maybe that breakdown I was expecting has actually happened, I don't know. I don't feel depressed like I have in the past. I just feel like I shouldn't have been here in the first place. It's all been a huge mistake and maybe the powers that put me here will take me back again.
Crazy?? To some maybe but I don't feel at all confused or depressed. I'm just ready for the end, that's all.
Posted by Snoozy on July 23, 2003, at 23:54:00
In reply to Is it possible..........., posted by tina on July 23, 2003, at 21:27:42
I have experienced two kinds of depression in my life. When I was younger, it was more of an incredibly intense, very emotional, always crying type. More recently it's been more of a cerebral type of depression. But through both of them I desperately wish I had never existed. I don't really want to kill myself, but to have never been alive.
One of my favorite lyrics that sums it up pretty well: and when I'm lying in my bed/I think about life and I think about death/and neither one particularly appeals to me
I would bet a lot of people feel this way (or else I have a very jaundiced view of things!) I've always had this thing in my head of thinking that I won't be alive in 5 years (going back at least 10). Not that I'm planning anything, but it's too much to think about being alive another 40 + or whatever years.
I think the main reason I wish I had never been alive is to spare my family from the pain if I did kill myself.
Ummmm, can I return the unused portion for a refund?
I wish I had something more comforting to say, other than that you're not alone.
Posted by giget on July 24, 2003, at 6:58:20
In reply to Re: Is it possible..........., posted by Snoozy on July 23, 2003, at 23:54:00
Tina,
You are not alone. That is the exact way I feel, other than the fact that I may take my own life if I have no other choice...People say, What about all the happy things that could happen, what if in a year everything in your life is perfect....
ok... that could happen and if I was not here to experience it, what would be the difference....
I don't feel that I should be here right now and that I sorta cheated death a while back.
They say... Better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all...
I say that is junk... If you don't know something how do you know you are really missing out? Some people have major pain from love and others just see it as a good thing.. everyone is different...
Just my opinion..
Posted by fallsfall on July 24, 2003, at 7:48:19
In reply to Is it possible..........., posted by tina on July 23, 2003, at 21:27:42
Yes, I think it is possible.
My first thought is that perhaps you don't have anything to live FOR - dreams, goals, hopes. When you can't see anything in the future, it is hard to be motivated to get there.
Of course, you could have dreams and believe you will never be able to get there (like me). But my sense is that you are more empty than frustrated or hopeless.
Posted by Dinah on July 24, 2003, at 10:30:46
In reply to There's my Dinah again...always listening......, posted by tina on July 23, 2003, at 22:39:10
There are different types and severities of depression. I've had major depression, and boy, you know you're depressed.
But when I did my psychological testing, I didn't feel particularly depressed, yet my testing showed that I was significantly depressed and it was a long standing thing. So I suppose I'm dysthmic.
Of course, I think I'm mostly afraid of life. Death doesn't seem nearly as terrifying to me as life does. There are so many things that could go wrong! So many mistakes I can make! So many ways to fail others! I'm terrified of life, and if I ever do kill myself, I think it will be because of that terror, and not because of depression. Yet..... I suspect that depression plays a role as well.
Posted by kid47 on July 24, 2003, at 11:13:01
In reply to Re: Depression, posted by Dinah on July 24, 2003, at 10:30:46
I think I have been depressed all my life. I have had psychotic episodes with hysterical crying which have landed me in the hospital. At these times I am absolutely certain (as is everyone else) that I am quite ill. But the rest (most) of the time, all appears relatively normal. I would suspect however, I am still depressed. But since depression has been (or tainted) the bulk of my emotional experience, how the hell would I know? I think maybe there's a whole bunch a people walking around depressed, but are too long depressed to realize it.
kev
PS Tina, you rock!!!
Posted by tina on July 24, 2003, at 18:08:44
In reply to Re: Depression, posted by kid47 on July 24, 2003, at 11:13:01
I rock???
Okay
I'm not depressed. I'm really not. At least, I don't feel depressed. I'm just ready to start over. Like take this life, shove it, and give me a do-over.
This is the end of the thread.
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