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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by galkeepinon on September 10, 2003, at 0:09:20
Just thought I would reach out here. I'm feeling really down tonight but I don't know if I should go into detail online. I'm frustrated about a lot of things right now and wonder if it will get better for me. Please don't think I'm being self-centered, I don't mean to be. A friend once told me I was the most self-centered person she ever met. I have never been told that in my life. Maybe I am. She later apologized, felt bad, and said to never think I was and to get it out of my head that what she said hurt me, but why would she say it if it wasn't true? We're not friends anymore but that's why I say please don't think I'm being self-centered here, I really don't mean to be. My doctor just increased my Lamictal to 50mg, I'm still on the Lex, but it goes deeper than the meds. I am hurting inside and no matter how much I try to think I'm not or that everything is ok, the fact of the matter is that I don't know what to do to feel better. I just don't know what to do. I have a huge hole and I don't know how to fill it. I smoke, I eat ice cream, I'm gaining weight again. I just sent an email out and I was crying as I wrote it because I was talking about "things". I don't know whether to just go with the flow, I don't know if I'm being too hard on myself, I don't know if I'm taking things too seriously or what, but I hurt, I'm crying, I hurt. I just don't get it. I don't want to be on a pity-pot, there's so many things burdening my heart right now that I want to go away and I don't know how!
I just don't know how!
Posted by Liligoth on September 10, 2003, at 0:37:07
In reply to Feelings:'(, posted by galkeepinon on September 10, 2003, at 0:09:20
my eyes got teary reading your post. It's awful how we suffer I suppose that's why I get into buddhism because there isnt any bullsh*t. Buddha says life is suffering & it is! When Im feeling as bad as you are tonight I - take xanax, eat icecream, put on gentle music, take a hot bath if it's cold, get into bed with a book, post to a message board.
Gal, it will pass, you've just got to weather the storm. I know it's like drowning in the feelings but hang on & it will get better. I'll be checking the board for a while if you want to talk
Posted by Tabitha on September 10, 2003, at 0:48:59
In reply to Feelings:'(, posted by galkeepinon on September 10, 2003, at 0:09:20
Gal, we're all self-centered a lot of the time-- it's human nature. When we're in pain, we focus on ourselves even more. There's nothing wrong with that.
I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Remember that it will change-- just like the good times end, so do the bad times.
Why not take advantage of your self-focus and give yourself some extra care? Is there anything besides ice cream you can do to make yourself feel better? Here are some things that have worked for me in the past..
- journaling
- send myself some positive messages, praise, validation, affirmations
- eat something nutritious and tasty like fruit
- pop a chewable vitamin or calcium supplement
- grooming ritual, brush & floss teeth, comb hair, anything to make myself feel cared-for.
- curl up in bed and watch a movie
- a little low-effort yoga (savasana is the best-- dead body pose, basically just lying on the floor)
- clean up the kitchen
- take a walk
- look for inspirational websites
- just sit with the discomfort, as if you're sitting with a friend who feels bad
- vent about it on PB
Posted by Susan J on September 10, 2003, at 8:53:57
In reply to Feelings:'(, posted by galkeepinon on September 10, 2003, at 0:09:20
Being Self-Centered is totally OK! Everything in moderation and all that....
My mother is one of those people who sacrifices every shred of herself for others, and if I don't do that, too, she calls me self-centered. So it could have just been your ex-friend's perspective on things.
I think it's important to take a look at yourself, cherish yourself, nurture yourself, make yourself happy, and if that's self-centered, then so be it.
So go ahead, show that you value yourself by paying attention to your own needs. :-)
S.
Posted by madwand on September 10, 2003, at 13:50:47
In reply to Feelings:'(, posted by galkeepinon on September 10, 2003, at 0:09:20
Galkeepinon,
Sometimes I wish the whole concept of "self-centered" and "pity-pot" had not been invented -- IMHO they do more harm than good.
I am a relatively newcomer here and have only posted a few times. But am not new to where it sounds like you are at. And I confess I am not really good at being "supportive", but I have noticed one particular thing that helps when I am in that kind of space, and that is allowing myself to be there.
Sounds trivial? It really isn't. It is amazing how programmed we are against that, as evidenced by the concepts mentioned above ("pity pot", "self centered"). While it is not any kind of instant cure, I have found it to help. I know -- it is very counter-intuitive (when every part of you is screaming to "make this better"), but (at least for me) it seems like the harder you fight it the stronger it gets (like struggling in quicksand).
In other words, "its OK to be not OK", and to blazes with all of those folks (inside and outside of your head) telling you otherwise!
In re-reading this I am almost tempted to deleted it (it looks trite when I read it) but I am going to put it out there anyway (i.e. "take what you need and leave the rest"). And hang in there. You are beloved part of this board and you are not alone!
Posted by galkeepinon on September 10, 2003, at 14:06:44
In reply to Re: Feelings:'(, posted by Tabitha on September 10, 2003, at 0:48:59
Thank you so very much for your kind words. I am feeling a little better today. I think I needed to vent. My father is causing a lot of stress in my family right now and I guess I'm just sad about it. I want to learn to handle things that hurt when they come up, where I am going, and what I need to do to take care of myself, and mostly how I get started and stick to it.
You're support means more to me than you'll ever know.
Thank you very much:-)
Posted by galkeepinon on September 10, 2003, at 14:32:03
In reply to Re: Feelings:'( » galkeepinon, posted by madwand on September 10, 2003, at 13:50:47
I am so glad you didn't delete this. Of course you don't sound trivial to me at all!
Thank you so much. I wish those concepts didn't evolve either or been invented! Yes, you gave me support and I appreciate it so very much!
Exactly, I feel like when I sometimes struggle in quicksand~yep!
Thank you for teaching me that it's OK not to be OK, I was raised in a very, let me think, family where no feelings were ever discussed and everything had to be happy and fine all the time, when they weren't most of the time. It didn't start until I got a little older (about 13) but still. Yes, and to heck ;) with the idiots in my head telling me I am worthless or inferior or I will never be anything, or that I'm scared and have no courage. And I've got to drop the people who on the outside who don't support me or know how to push my buttons so to speak. Thanks.
Your words mean more than you ever know and I appreciate it very much.
Thank you.
> Galkeepinon,
> Sometimes I wish the whole concept of "self-centered" and "pity-pot" had not been invented -- IMHO they do more harm than good.
> I am a relatively newcomer here and have only posted a few times. But am not new to where it sounds like you are at. And I confess I am not really good at being "supportive", but I have noticed one particular thing that helps when I am in that kind of space, and that is allowing myself to be there.
> Sounds trivial? It really isn't. It is amazing how programmed we are against that, as evidenced by the concepts mentioned above ("pity pot", "self centered"). While it is not any kind of instant cure, I have found it to help. I know -- it is very counter-intuitive (when every part of you is screaming to "make this better"), but (at least for me) it seems like the harder you fight it the stronger it gets (like struggling in quicksand).
> In other words, "its OK to be not OK", and to blazes with all of those folks (inside and outside of your head) telling you otherwise!
> In re-reading this I am almost tempted to deleted it (it looks trite when I read it) but I am going to put it out there anyway (i.e. "take what you need and leave the rest"). And hang in there. You are beloved part of this board and you are not alone!
>
>
Posted by jay on September 10, 2003, at 18:33:04
In reply to Feelings:'(, posted by galkeepinon on September 10, 2003, at 0:09:20
> Just thought I would reach out here. I'm feeling really down tonight but I don't know if I should go into detail online. I'm frustrated about a lot of things right now and wonder if it will get better for me. Please don't think I'm being self-centered, I don't mean to be. A friend once told me I was the most self-centered person she ever met. I have never been told that in my life. Maybe I am. She later apologized, felt bad, and said to never think I was and to get it out of my head that what she said hurt me, but why would she say it if it wasn't true? We're not friends anymore but that's why I say please don't think I'm being self-centered here, I really don't mean to be. My doctor just increased my Lamictal to 50mg, I'm still on the Lex, but it goes deeper than the meds. I am hurting inside and no matter how much I try to think I'm not or that everything is ok, the fact of the matter is that I don't know what to do to feel better. I just don't know what to do. I have a huge hole and I don't know how to fill it. I smoke, I eat ice cream, I'm gaining weight again. I just sent an email out and I was crying as I wrote it because I was talking about "things". I don't know whether to just go with the flow, I don't know if I'm being too hard on myself, I don't know if I'm taking things too seriously or what, but I hurt, I'm crying, I hurt. I just don't get it. I don't want to be on a pity-pot, there's so many things burdening my heart right now that I want to go away and I don't know how!
> I just don't know how!
>
>Hi galkeepinon:
I think most of us with mental health problems get accused once-in-awhile of being 'self-centered', which is not a very fair or true picture. If somebody who broke their back and was in traction for long periods of time be called 'selfish' because they couldn't do many of the things expected of us? Well..this is a different type of 'breaking'...'soul-breaking' I call it..heh. At times I am amazed at how well some of the folks on the board get along in life...for a 'big' event of the week for me is being able to drive to a public place. I spend my days and nights usually holed up in my room, trying to use reading, or music, to give me that little extra 'sprint'. I have pretty much lost everything..(more on that below..), and I think that is the case with many of us...losing relationships, jobs, financial freedom, etc.
I hope your doctor is aggressively treating your condition, and sometimes you gotta be pushy with them too. In the 'grieving' process, I've had to go through pretty much the same as what my illness has brought onto me. (I've had a..umm...pretty rough few years..I guess you could say.... with the death of my only child and girlfriend within a span of a year. But, that meshes in deeply with my depression and anxiety problems.) So...as I was saying, in grief you have to re-examine all of your relationships, which ones you want to continue on with..and which ones maybe even can't continue on with. This also applies to depression and anxiety disorders, and I view it as a 'rebuilding' from the ground up, for me as a person. You and the rest of us likely have to do the same.
As a person who broke their back has to go through 'therapy'...we also do too, and like the grieving process, sometimes it's one step forward...two back...and once in awhile, the other way around. But, as always, take 'baby steps'..and you will eventually surprise yourself.
Yes, even when we have those 'two-step back' days.I've even given a name to those days that I even find some kind of peace, or happiness, and call them 'little victories'. Reward, pamper, indulge, and treat yourself. I turn them into a bit of a celebration. One thing I do is dish out all of the love, hugs, kisses I can to the ones I love, and even try to be extra-nice to everyone I see. Maybe the next day you won't even be able to get out of bed, but you will have that 'little victory' of a memory..sprinkled with love and kindness.
Best wishes and hopes to you...
Jay
This is the end of the thread.
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