![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by KellyD on November 7, 2003, at 22:19:00
I guess I'm venting - yet again. Have any of you had wellmeaning and "trying to help" friends who want to insist "You just need to get out - let's go shopping, lunch, a movie, etc I'm just not taking no for an answer" ??????????
My response: "Well, yes you will be taking no for an answer". I'm beginning what will, with all hope, be a good treatment for me. I'm in a recovery mode and I don't think retail or crowd therapy is gonna help right now. This one friend has had issues and spun "down the hole" herself several times. I never pushed her or pressured her. She must have developed amnesia to how it felt and how scary this whole process is.
Thanks for listening to my rant.
Kelly
Posted by deirdrehbrt on November 7, 2003, at 23:00:55
In reply to Handling Pushy, Wellmeaning Friend, posted by KellyD on November 7, 2003, at 22:19:00
Kelly,
I have a number of friends just like that. I love them to death, but they may be the death of me. (looking for bad puns tonight, sorry to inflict one of them on you)
The ones that I'm talking about are the ones that insist that my P-doc has me on too many meds, or that I need to ignore my docs and go back to work.... then I'll get more energy and get out of this slump, not to mention that I don't need SSDI after all.
Some of my so-called friends have abandoned me over the past few years. If you remind me, I might just be able to remember to miss them.
There are those who despite what I've been going through have proven to be true gifts from God. These people have stood by me where spouse, siblings, and many others have taken their leave. These are the people who are there when I need them, and who I want to be there for as well.
I don't think that there is such a thing as pushy, wellmeaning friend. A true friend is like those I mentioned above. The pushy, wellmeaning sorts aren't as much a friend, as they are someone who needs a cause to satisfy their own ego. If you take their advice, and by some trick of fate you manage to improve a bit, they will be beside themselves with tales of derring do.
(The previious paragraph is my opinion only, and may be a bit jaded due to recent events in my own life. You may though, be able to relate.)
I know that I would rather be with the true friends. Most of these people have experienced the difficulties and trials that life has to offer. They know what it is like to be at the mercy of a malfunctioning brain. They know what it is like to have their particular illness listed in the DSM-IV. They know what it is like to be in a lock-down mental-health ward. They know what it's like, in some way, to be me.
I guess that with the do-gooders, I try to decide how entertaining they are; how much history I have with them, and if it's worth continuing. Some of these people can be toxic. It takes so much more energy to be with them, and you get so little out of it, that the economics speak for themselves. There are some that are mostly harmless, and there is a history with them, that it is good to maintain contact, if only to have someone to see a movie with, go out for a lunch, or coffee. These aren't the people that I want to share deep memories or strong feelings with, but they are nice for light chat.
I'm rambling, when I should be sleeping.
Good luck.
Dee.
Posted by KellyD on November 8, 2003, at 7:11:52
In reply to Re: Handling Pushy, Wellmeaning Friend » KellyD, posted by deirdrehbrt on November 7, 2003, at 23:00:55
Your words are quite true. I think I'm just really aware of how much I've done because it was "expected". Pushing YOURSELF has it's place, (in adequate time) at a point. SOMEONE ELSE pushing, for me, isn't helpful and I allow myself to feel more isolated and "different". When you're ill, you're ill. No one would expect a person with the flu to just "get out, you'll feel so much better". It's irritating.
Posted by karen_kay on November 8, 2003, at 12:41:59
In reply to Thank you » deirdrehbrt, posted by KellyD on November 8, 2003, at 7:11:52
Funny you should mention that. I had a situation happen just yesterday. My friend who always thinks I need to "just get out more" was supposed to go out with my other friend sherri. I needed my friend sheeri with me. My fair weather friend was upset. Now, there is a big fight between us and I am feeling a little bit better about things because I just don't have to put up with her crap anymore. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so! Ha!
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.