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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by blink23 on November 26, 2003, at 16:06:06
I just moved to a new state 3 years ago. I have not one girl friend, Im a female my self. Dont get mt wrong I have meet different people hung out with different people but no one i can really trust .. no one to really turn to, to talk about nothing, just someone to be there when i feel like going out of the house. im 23 yrs old. I am engaged to the most incredible man ever. We have been together for 2 years he is my best friend, and on that end i could not ask for anything more. i know that, I just feel like i need some close friends of my own away from him. I left all my friends I grew up with for 20 years to start something new. to start a new life I think it is really lonely not having someone to talk to other then my fiance. I have a feeling this helped the depression kick in too!! i used to be the host of the party, who can entertain anyone....now im the one looking for a party...desperttly.or the one that sits back in the crowd a just watch people and say i wish that was me..having a group of people to have fun spend time with ...any ideas or feed back would be great
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 26, 2003, at 17:05:49
In reply to WHO IS FOR REAL, posted by blink23 on November 26, 2003, at 16:06:06
Blink, do you have any hobbies? Do you go to college? Do you like to read? I ask these simply because after I left college and was out on my own in my early 20s, it was very hard to make friends. You are no longer surrounded by your peers with common interets, but rather by a whole cross section of people. And it still seems to me that most people in this world are content with the friends they have and have no interest in making new ones, say, after 25. I am the opposite, I love getting to know new people and adding to my circle of friends. But, I have found that most people aren't like that. It's as if they get lazy and have no energy to cultivate a new friendship. ANd friendship requires much cultivation!
However, the only way to do that is get involved in activities you enjoy with like minded people. Join a book club. Take a class. Volunteer somewhere. BUt it takes effort and courage to put yourself out there.
Are you ready for that? And would your boyfriend support you in this?
Posted by fallsfall on November 26, 2003, at 19:33:25
In reply to Re: WHO IS FOR REAL, posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 26, 2003, at 17:05:49
I couldn't have said it better than Miss Honeychurch said it. Activities put similar people together. And, even if you don't find a soul mate - you will be doing something you like and that will help you to feel better.
Don't know what activity to choose? What have you always wanted to try, but never did (for me it was cake decorating)? What did you do as a kid that you really liked (for me, ice skating or a chorus)? What seems fun, but also kind of easy (so you would be more confident that you will be successful)? Sports? Politics? Crafts? Public Service? Volunteering?
Go for it!
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 26, 2003, at 20:44:14
In reply to Re: WHO IS FOR REAL, posted by fallsfall on November 26, 2003, at 19:33:25
I agree with fallsfall. All of my life I had wanted to try flamenco dancing but was afraid. Then last year, at age 33, I said screw it, I'm taking lessons, and now I'm hooked. I have made so many wonderful friends this way. Try something you have always wanted to do!
I have been wanting to get serious about writing for awhile but was afraid to really start. I finally registered last week for a non-fiction writing class at the University where I work. And I know I'll meet people in class who love writing as much as I.
Posted by octopusprime on November 26, 2003, at 22:42:46
In reply to WHO IS FOR REAL, posted by blink23 on November 26, 2003, at 16:06:06
blink23:
just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. i'm 24 and i moved to a new place a little more than two years ago. it's hard to make new friends once school is over.
fallsfall and ms. honeychurch are right about the activites. it's hard to motivate yourself to do them when you can default to hanging out with your SO. however, if it's really important to you, you'll make the choice.
one way to make yourself go out more is to disconnect the cable. use the $$ you would spend on cable on other activities. even something as simple as frequenting a coffee shop, library, or swimming pool on a regular basis will get your face out in public and help you meet people.
good luck. unfortunately there are no instant answers here (wish i had them!) :-/ just takes time and perseverance.
Posted by blink23 on November 27, 2003, at 19:01:01
In reply to WHO IS FOR REAL, posted by blink23 on November 26, 2003, at 16:06:06
I just want to thank you guysfor your input on what i should do. I know thats what i have to do, or what i should do, but its just the fact that my whole life everything was right there ya know... I never had to go out of my way to meet people. I went to school with everyone i was friends with... so this will be a very big step to go out and join something i like to do. I will look around and see whats in my community and what kinds of different things there are. Thank you guys. Its really nice to write something and have someone to respond to you...like a conversation ya know. Its actually really nice..again thank you for your advice and i hope everyone had a great Turkey Day!!!
Posted by bookgurl99 on November 27, 2003, at 20:51:29
In reply to WHO IS FOR REAL, posted by blink23 on November 26, 2003, at 16:06:06
Well Blink, you're not alone. I felt a lot like you do when I moved to my town at age 24.
Now I'm 28, and have actually made and unmade friends in this town, and though I don't have many really close friends here (like BEST best friends, you know), I do have people to spend time with.
Something that I'm doing is, I made myself a little calendar and I'm making myself get out and do things 3 nights a week. For example, based on my interests, this week I'm going to a philosophy discussion group, a writer's group, and a yoga class. Meanwhile, one of my few other friends and I are getting an outdoors-oriented social group started over the winter. (Because we figure sometimes you have to do the work of organizing something to meet people.)
One of my friends told me you usually have to give a new group 6 months -- like unless you really hate it, give a new club or whatever 6 months -- before people start seeing you as one of the "gang" and inviting you along to things. So if you're persistent, it will happen.
Posted by noa on November 28, 2003, at 17:10:09
In reply to Re: WHO IS FOR REAL, posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 26, 2003, at 17:05:49
I remember that period of my life. Suddenly no readily available companions like in school or college. Very challenging.
How about groups that do community service projects together? A lot of cities have young adult community service clubs. Also, things like knitting circles and such where you can learn a hobby or pursue one you already like.
BTW--a good book on this stage of life: "Quarterlife Crisis"
Posted by PhoenixGirl on December 1, 2003, at 22:47:24
In reply to WHO IS FOR REAL, posted by blink23 on November 26, 2003, at 16:06:06
This is the beauty of this site. It's where strangers aren't strangers anymore.
Noa brought up a good book, "Quarterlife Crisis". There is also an excellent website created by the book's authors, http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com. There are message boards and a lot of other resources on there. I highly recommend checking out that site. You can bounce ideas off people, learn about what you're going through and see how normal it is. I'm going through the exact same things, and interacting with others going through it has helped ease my pain.
Pursuing your interests so that you can meet new people isn't just work, it's nurturing yourself.
This is the end of the thread.
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