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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tterees on May 15, 2004, at 23:28:14
Is anyone also in group therapay? And if you are, do you ever get jealous of the attention the therapist is paying to another member? How do you handle it? I feel like I should say, "hey, I'm jealous, pay some attention to me." It is like my childhood revisited and I know I should be working on that. That my feelings of jealousy are something to throw in the pot. And eventually get over it. How do you handle it?
Posted by ghost on May 16, 2004, at 12:26:09
In reply to Jealousy in Group, posted by tterees on May 15, 2004, at 23:28:14
i never thought of it as jealousy per se (denial, denial) but i always hated it when the therapist would spend too much time on one person, or wouldnt let anyone else get a word in edgewise. i'm somewhat softspoken (maybe that's why i love the net-- you guys have to listen! ha!), so whenever i start to say something, i always get cut off, or ignored.
in one group i was in, i felt the patient was purposely trying to get attention (or maybe it's a part of her illness) and the therapist was playing right into it... i was so frustrated. and then at the end of the hour, we got to the last girl, and the t. said "i'm sorry, we're out of time" so the girl never even got to speak. i would have been so upset if i were her!!!
anyhow. no words of wisdom. but i relate.
Posted by pegasus on May 16, 2004, at 16:17:54
In reply to Re: Jealousy in Group, posted by ghost on May 16, 2004, at 12:26:09
Boy, I could have written what ghost wrote! In my group (psychodrama) there is one person who is very assertive about seeking the attention she needs. She has valid issues, so that's fine, but I can never speak up like that, and so I never really get to work on my stuff directly.
Recently we did this exercise where there was a pillow in the middle of the room, and we were all supposed to position ourselves relative to the pillow in a way that indicated how we felt about working on our own stuff. So, if you're closer to the pillow, you're wanting to work on your stuff more, and if you're farther away, you're more wanting to be a spectator or contributor to someone else's work. So, I stand about 2 feet away, which is really really close for me. And of course, the assertive woman stands right on top of the pillow, so we worked on her stuff. And the two Ts were oblivious to how close I had gotten, and how I was never going to be able to get any closer than that.
I feel like I need them to be aware of these types of dynamics and facilitate everyone getting a chance. But in reality, we don't have enough sessions left in our current group to have a session for everyone. So, the assertive folks will self select, and us timid types will never get to directly work on anything. Other than trying real hard to be assertive.
pegasus
Posted by ghost on May 16, 2004, at 18:49:33
In reply to Re: Jealousy in Group, posted by pegasus on May 16, 2004, at 16:17:54
the pillow idea is good, but if i were a T, i would wonder why people WEREN'T all clamoring to be on top of the pillow. I'd want to ask people about it, and see if they'd talk (of course some won't, but some just need a little prodding, like you).
grr. if i ran the world....
i think that it's the T's jobs to note the group dynamic and bring everyone into the convo, even if it's to realise that they don't want to talk.. There *was* one woman in group who never wanted to talk. I can respect that. She had issues she had to deal with on a one-to-one basis before she brought them to group. But the rest of us... we were overshadowed by the more assertive ones...
psychodrama. HA!
Posted by tterees on May 16, 2004, at 21:10:32
In reply to Jealousy in Group, posted by tterees on May 15, 2004, at 23:28:14
I think if my therapist brought a pillow into group I would put it under my head and take a nap! I don't think I am assertive, but I do speak up in group. I just get jealous whenever someone else is getting all the attention. It is like I want to be his favorite - how sick is that? I know in my head that he is my therapist, not my friend, not my father. BUT in my heart, I so want the perfect father (even though I am old enough to be a grandmother!).
Posted by pegasus on May 17, 2004, at 22:03:14
In reply to Re: Jealousy in Group, posted by tterees on May 16, 2004, at 21:10:32
That's not sick at all. I think we all feel that way to some extent. At least with our individual therapists. Well, OK, let me speak for myself only: I *totally* want to be my T's favorite. I think it's just part of being that intimate with someone. We want to feel that we're special to them, so that it's ok to share these very personal things that make us so vulnerable. That's the only context that we learn IRL for such sharing, so it's the only thing that feels safe. Totally normal, IMHO.
pegasus
Posted by Dinah on May 17, 2004, at 23:24:37
In reply to Re: Jealousy in Group, posted by pegasus on May 17, 2004, at 22:03:14
That's why, if I ever get the nerve to go to a group, it would NEVER be a group run by my therapist.
This is the end of the thread.
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