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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TexasChic on June 4, 2004, at 12:30:46
Once again, I'm being all overly sensitive and paranoid. My friend at work hasn't spoken to me all day. She did it yesterday up until lunch, and then seemed to realize it and started talking to me again. The whole time my friend#2 kept coming up and asking her to smoke and not saying a word to me. So I figured she didn't want to be around me either.
Then this morning, I asked friend #1 to look at some designs I made for work so she could tell me what she thought. I sat there, no response, no acknowledgement, nothing. I thought, maybe she didn't hear me. So I asked her if she heard me and she said yeah, and kept working. I waited a few minutes and finally put the stuff away.
Then it started again with them going to smoke and not asking me. I know I could easily be over reacting, but I just get so sick of this. Why can't people just express a little tiny bit that they want me around? Or actually acknowledge that I said something to them. I'm always getting talked over when I'm in a group with these people, its like no one could possibly be interested in a thing I have to say.
Just now, friend #2 asked if either me or friend #1 wanted to go smoke. I was like, you mean I'm invited? She was like, of course your invited. So I went and everyone talked around me. Then friend #2 asked if I'd like to go with her and friend #1 to pick up lunch. I told her I'd just stay here. I know I probably should have gone and it would have smoothed things over, but friend #1 seems to be intentionally ignoring me! I'm just sick of always having to put up with this.
We're supposed to go out for friend #1's birthday tonight, but I don't know if I want to go. I know I'm being stubborn and the right thing to do would be to act like nothing is going on and just jump right in. But I'm just so sick of this happening over and over. If they really don't want me around, I'd rather just know so I can move on. Friend #1 is the same one who I always have these types of problems with. Everytime I confront her she says things are nothing like what I thought. But I know this can't be all me, although I usually blame myself and apologize to her for being so paranoid. Or maybe I am just paranoid... I don't know. I just know I'm tired of this back and forth stuff. And I'm tired of being ignored and treated like an extra who just tags along. I'm just tired. I don't know what to do.
Posted by TexasChic on June 4, 2004, at 13:08:45
In reply to What is wrong with me???, posted by TexasChic on June 4, 2004, at 12:30:46
Okay, we just had lunch and when I pulled up a chair friend#1 said, why didn't you sit here (refering to the chair beside her). So I guess she really isn't intentionally ignoring me. I'm just so tired of going through this time after time. What is wrong with me??? There has to be something wrong with me.
Posted by AuntieMel on June 4, 2004, at 13:14:49
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me???, posted by TexasChic on June 4, 2004, at 13:08:45
So, go out tonight and make sure you have your own transportation. If you start to get a bit uncomfortable look at your watch, say "I promised a friend I'd meet her, gotta go" and leave.
Posted by TexasChic on June 4, 2004, at 13:45:21
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me???, posted by AuntieMel on June 4, 2004, at 13:14:49
That's probably what I'll do. I'll just go and leave when I want. I just wish she would express that she wants me to come.
I think that maybe I'm looking for acceptance and approval, but I know my attitude makes it less desirable to be around me, thus sabatoging myself.
I know part of this has to do with the end of a friendship of mine that happened a few months ago. She apparently had issues with me the whole eight years we were friends, and just never said anything. And for me, that is the worst thing you could do. All I can think about is how she must have talked with other people behind my back. I totally trusted her and thought she would be completely truthful with me. I thought our friendship was so happy and healthy.
So now, I guess I'm a little gun shy. I just wish I could quit caring so much about what the people I choose as my friends think of me.
Posted by partlycloudy on June 4, 2004, at 14:12:00
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me???, posted by TexasChic on June 4, 2004, at 13:45:21
As an aside to your thread - you might remember how upset I was (was it only last week?) about friends and the lack of them IRL.
I have taken my T's advice and stopped trying for now. Since then I've had a co-worker ask me to have lunch with her (worked with her for a year this was the first time). Wouldn't you know we had a pleasant lunch and good conversation.
I am not going to try so hard. Everyone's got a different set of circumstances, problems of their own. This lady had a breakdown 2 years ago that I'd not ever heard wind of. And my blowups in the office? She NEVER NOTICED THEM. Here I thought I was being ostracized for being so flakey, when in fact my behaviour and problems were invisible to most of my co-workers.
I guess I would say not to be too upset nor make too much of what happened. Friendships come and go, are appropriate and necessary at some times, and then one person or the other moves on. It's the nature of human life to change.
Posted by AuntieMel on June 4, 2004, at 14:20:26
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me???, posted by TexasChic on June 4, 2004, at 13:45:21
Of course you care what your friends think about you. If you didn't you'd be *really* nuts (grin)
And if someone did that for eight years to you, you have every right to be gun-shy. A true friend would tell you kindly if there were any issues, unless of course she was having problems of her own.
The suggestion to leave wasn't to be used as a way of revenge. More that you need to protect yourself first. Selfish? maybe. But this is a time where you need to be selfish and insulate yourself against hurt.....she says with the voice of experience. You can be a much better friend to others if you are taking care of yourself first.
Gotta run home. I need to make an appt for mom at md anderson today. My son's going to see his dad for the weekend, so I'll have access to the computer again for the weekend. Yippeeeeee.
Mel
Posted by TexasChic on June 4, 2004, at 14:25:47
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me??? » TexasChic, posted by partlycloudy on June 4, 2004, at 14:12:00
Isn't it amazing what we can dream up in our own minds? That's cool that you went out with that co-worker and found out things were not as they seemed to you. That's exactly how my situation is. She never even realizes I'm upset, much less that she hasn't spoken to me all day. I'm just beginning to come to terms with the fact that I try too hard and expect too much from people. I think it may be easier after I move out on my own and can see that I'm okay all by myself. Regardless, I'm definitely a work in progress.
Posted by partlycloudy on June 4, 2004, at 14:45:41
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me???, posted by TexasChic on June 4, 2004, at 14:25:47
Aren't we all? And the joy of it is, we'll never be finished.
Best fishes, TexasChick
Your Babble Friend,
pc
Posted by Angela2 on June 4, 2004, at 16:15:59
In reply to What is wrong with me???, posted by TexasChic on June 4, 2004, at 12:30:46
I can see that this is important to you. My best guess is that your friends do care about you or else they wouldn't be asking you to go smoke or do things like pick up lunch. I used to feel the same way though. in high school I had a group of friends and on the weekends they would make plans to go to the mall and whatnot. And I'd be like: "can I come?" And they'd be like, you don't have to ask you are part of our group. But for some weird reason I felt separated from them, like something made me different. Looking back on that, I see that it was all in my head. If you are like me though, you like space from your friends. This doesn’t mean that they aren’t your friends anymore, it just means that doing things alone without them is fun.
Why do you think they are ignoring you? Is there something you have to say that they are blatantly trying not to listen to? If so, you should tell them there is something on your mind that you'd like to say.
About your coworker who didn’t answer you, I don’t know her so I can’t say why she did that. Is there something going on between you two like a tiff? I read your post about your weekend. Does that have anything to do with her behavior? Was she deliberately ignoring you? Or was she just busy? To make the situation go smoother, and to make it clear to you whether she was ignoring you or not you could have said “Are you busy? Do you have time today to look at this?”
Posted by TexasChic on June 4, 2004, at 16:32:20
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me??? » TexasChic, posted by Angela2 on June 4, 2004, at 16:15:59
I actually think she was busy and just forgot. But at the time my mind wouldn't accept that. I automatically assumed she was ignoring me and mad at me. I just always jump to these conclusions and wish I could stop doing that. The thing about your friends in high school sounds pretty much like my situation. I guess its just a self esteem issues. I know I need to work on them. Thanks for your and everyone else's input. I'm going off to go out with them. Wish me luck!
Posted by TexasChic on June 7, 2004, at 9:23:10
In reply to Re: What is wrong with me???, posted by TexasChic on June 4, 2004, at 16:32:20
Everything went well Friday night, we had alot of fun. Thanks for everyone's incouragement. I just don't know what to do when I get caught up in my own paraniod thoughts. Its definitely some sort of mental reaction to something. I just haven't quite figured it out yet. It helps to get it all out here though. Thanks yall!
Posted by AuntieMel on June 7, 2004, at 23:27:44
In reply to Re: Update, posted by TexasChic on June 7, 2004, at 9:23:10
Good that you had fun. And good on you for taking the chance.
I thought about something else. It seems that most of the times you are uncomfortable are when there are three of you.
It seems for some reason that 3's Never Work. Two works, four and above work, but when 3 people are together one of them seems to always feel left out. That's even happened when hubby and daughter and i have gone on holiday together.
This is the end of the thread.
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