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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by liligoth on June 15, 2004, at 2:53:44
please dont interpret this as a 'Im going to top myself' post. It's not, but I just really cant see what the point of trying is anymore. Ive tried just about every antid on the market & various combinations for the last 18 months. Some work for a while but they always stop working. I wont have ect! My doc has just changed my diagnosis to Bipolar from major depression.
Posted by Angel Girl on June 15, 2004, at 3:15:14
In reply to Can anyone remind me what the point is?, posted by liligoth on June 15, 2004, at 2:53:44
> please dont interpret this as a 'Im going to top myself' post. It's not, but I just really cant see what the point of trying is anymore. Ive tried just about every antid on the market & various combinations for the last 18 months. Some work for a while but they always stop working. I wont have ect! My doc has just changed my diagnosis to Bipolar from major depression.
Hi!
Sometimes I feel the same way, that things are never going to get any better. I've been depressed most of my life and at best I just go through the motions. I exist, I don't really live. BUT I think we have to hang onto whatever hope we can find that somehow, someday we are going to rise above all this. BTW, I was originally diagnosed as major depressive and was later changed to BPII.
You're not alone. Hugs.
AG
Posted by liligoth on June 15, 2004, at 6:50:55
In reply to Re: Can anyone remind me what the point is? » liligoth, posted by Angel Girl on June 15, 2004, at 3:15:14
thankyou AngelGirl, your words do make a difference.
Posted by Angel Girl on June 15, 2004, at 7:43:28
In reply to Re: Can anyone remind me what the point is?, posted by liligoth on June 15, 2004, at 6:50:55
> thankyou AngelGirl, your words do make a difference.
I think it's always good to hear you're not alone. I have often felt the way you do and sometimes still do. I really don't have much hope for my future either but I must be here for a reason so I keep trudging along.AG
Posted by ghost on June 15, 2004, at 9:16:42
In reply to Can anyone remind me what the point is?, posted by liligoth on June 15, 2004, at 2:53:44
when you figure it out, will you let me know?
i haven't figured out the point. it all really does seem pointless. i've decided that the point is to learn to have fun, because it's what's keeping me going right now. why do i bother job hunting, if it's only going to make me pay bills? only to work more when i generate more bills, etc., etc. endless cycle of working and paying bills... the only thing even remotely interesting is having fun, buying toys (i'm a gadget junkie), and i'd like to start dabbling with art again. i'd like to make my own darkroom. so right now that's my goal.
i think maybe you have to find something small that you like just for the sake of liking (no other reason!) and trudge forward for that. but once you get there, you have to find something else. something else to keep you moving forward.
i guess that sounds dumb. even something like an art room is superficial and pointless on the whole, but it's little stuff that keeps me going (or keeps me from going), so it's what i have to concentrate on.
it's not that i don't think about just giving up on an almost daily basis. but those thoughts don't trigger me to try to act on them as much. maybe it's the meds (and you WILL find something that works, you just have to keep trying). maybe it's that i've accepted the fact that life is pointless anyway, and you have to make your own point. who knows?
just my two cents.
i know how you feel, is the short version of that. i don't know what the point is. maybe there isn't one. but there's a bunch of us out there wandering the planet just as aimlessly. maybe we should form a big, pointless cult. :)
(((((liligoth)))))
Posted by TexasChic on June 15, 2004, at 9:32:24
In reply to Re: Can anyone remind me what the point is? » liligoth, posted by ghost on June 15, 2004, at 9:16:42
maybe we should form a big, pointless cult. :)
I'm in!
And I think your point about trying have fun is quite profound. I think my point in life is to learn how to make myself happy. That may sound arrogant, but I would never be happy if I hurt somebody or knew someone was suffering. My happiness is more complex than just self gratification. So I continue my search. Its good to know there are others along the way that understand.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on June 15, 2004, at 12:57:40
In reply to Can anyone remind me what the point is?, posted by liligoth on June 15, 2004, at 2:53:44
Liligoth,
I'm sorry that I can't offer you anymore insight on what the point is than what you probably have, somewhere inside of you. It's probably the same thing that keeps you eating, breathing, and every other thing that keeps us alive; that there is a chance that things will be better in a while.
I was originally diagnosed with depression. From there it moved to bipolar 2, and then bipolar 1. There were a couple other diagnoses to top off the bill.
I'm not able to work or drive anymore. I'm divorced (not necessarily a bad thing) with my kids living with my ex. (I would rather have them with me, but it's probably not a bad thing that they aren't).
I still don't think I'm stable, and there are often med changes. I think if you were to ask on the board how long it took to get the meds right, you would find that lots of us still don't think they are right, and for some, it took a long time. You would also find that often, what seems to be working will stop. I don't know why, but it happens to many of us.
Many of us develop other coping mechanisms. Mine, right now is concentrating on getting back to school. I want a degree, and I'm doing everything I can to make that happen by getting back to school next fall. I'm working on my music, doing ear training, practicing my instruments and studying theory. It keeps me from being a couch potato and watching TV, and it keeps me from getting to absorbed with my past and current problems. Maybe you could find something similar, something that can be as engrossing as you need.
I'm sorry I can't offer much more than that, but others here are right. You're not alone.
Dee.
Posted by Angel Girl on June 16, 2004, at 4:19:12
In reply to Re: Can anyone remind me what the point is?, posted by TexasChic on June 15, 2004, at 9:32:24
> maybe we should form a big, pointless cult. :)
>
> I'm in!
>
> And I think your point about trying have fun is quite profound. I think my point in life is to learn how to make myself happy. That may sound arrogant, but I would never be happy if I hurt somebody or knew someone was suffering. My happiness is more complex than just self gratification. So I continue my search. Its good to know there are others along the way that understand.TexasChic
Don't forget to count me in too. :)
Ditto on your comments re: finding happiness. I personally don't even remember what makes me happy anymore. It's been so long I can't recall. Actually, I don't know if I've *ever* been happy before. I'm not even sure what *happy* is at this point. Would I recognize it now if I found it?
AG
Posted by Angel Girl on June 16, 2004, at 8:33:48
In reply to Re: Can anyone remind me what the point is?, posted by deirdrehbrt on June 15, 2004, at 12:57:40
Dee
It's good that you have a goal with your music. What instruments do you play? What do you hope to do with your music when you finish school?
BTW, I'm one of those many that you were referring to who is still looking for the right combo of meds. :(
Good luck in your goals.
AG
Posted by deirdrehbrt on June 16, 2004, at 12:31:05
In reply to Re: Can anyone remind me what the point is?, posted by Angel Girl on June 16, 2004, at 8:33:48
Hi AG,
I've enjoyed music for most of my life. I've played a few instruments over that time. Mostly, I play guitar and sing, and I play recorder. Right now, I'm learning piano, (I took lessons many years ago, but need to get better at it), and over the years, I've played ukelele, mandolin, clarinet, flute, and maybe one or two others, though I was never really accomplished at them.
What I'm hoping to do with this is to go to college in 2005, and hopefully get a degree in music therapy. Getting a degree is something that has recently become extremely important to me. I've worked as an engineer without a degree, but now that I'm disabled I'm beginning to realize that when I am able again to work, I won't be able to do the kind of work I want without one.
Life is really scary right now. Very much is uncertain. I guess that the only thing that I can really hang onto are my dreams. Working toward making them happen kind of keeps me grounded. At absolute worst, when this is over, I'll be a better musician than I am right now. At best, I'll have a very fulfilling career.
So in one sense, this illness has completely knocked me off of my feet, but I guess, in another sense, it's given me a chance to look at my life and find out what's really important to me.
Now if I could only remember my own advice when my head's being kicked in with hallucinations or depression or mania. :-)
Dee.
Posted by ghost on June 16, 2004, at 19:08:57
In reply to Re: Can anyone remind me what the point is?, posted by deirdrehbrt on June 16, 2004, at 12:31:05
wow, that's FABULOUS! best of luck with your studies!! and let me know when you're done-- i might be looking for some music therapy one day. ;)
Posted by liligoth on June 17, 2004, at 3:40:18
In reply to Re: Can anyone remind me what the point is? » deirdrehbrt, posted by ghost on June 16, 2004, at 19:08:57
thanks all, it does help to know this is just the illness thinking.
Ghost it was interesting to read your post as it is painting that is the only thing keeping me going these days ... that & ice-cream of course ;)
Posted by ghost on June 17, 2004, at 14:36:06
In reply to Re: Can anyone remind me what the point is?, posted by liligoth on June 17, 2004, at 3:40:18
there is NOTHING wrong with giving ice cream as much credit as it deserves. :)
Posted by Angel Girl on June 18, 2004, at 1:25:45
In reply to Re: Can anyone remind me what the point is?, posted by deirdrehbrt on June 16, 2004, at 12:31:05
> Hi AG,
>
> I've enjoyed music for most of my life. I've played a few instruments over that time. Mostly, I play guitar and sing, and I play recorder. Right now, I'm learning piano, (I took lessons many years ago, but need to get better at it), and over the years, I've played ukelele, mandolin, clarinet, flute, and maybe one or two others, though I was never really accomplished at them.
> What I'm hoping to do with this is to go to college in 2005, and hopefully get a degree in music therapy. Getting a degree is something that has recently become extremely important to me. I've worked as an engineer without a degree, but now that I'm disabled I'm beginning to realize that when I am able again to work, I won't be able to do the kind of work I want without one.
> Life is really scary right now. Very much is uncertain. I guess that the only thing that I can really hang onto are my dreams. Working toward making them happen kind of keeps me grounded. At absolute worst, when this is over, I'll be a better musician than I am right now. At best, I'll have a very fulfilling career.
> So in one sense, this illness has completely knocked me off of my feet, but I guess, in another sense, it's given me a chance to look at my life and find out what's really important to me.
> Now if I could only remember my own advice when my head's being kicked in with hallucinations or depression or mania. :-)
>
> Dee.
Hi DeeI wish you the best of luck in achieving your musicial goals. You're going to make it. :D
AG
Posted by Angel Girl on June 18, 2004, at 11:02:25
In reply to Re: Can anyone remind me what the point is?, posted by liligoth on June 17, 2004, at 3:40:18
> thanks all, it does help to know this is just the illness thinking.
> Ghost it was interesting to read your post as it is painting that is the only thing keeping me going these days ... that & ice-cream of course ;)
>Oh, can't forget the ice cream. lol!!! I've had a craving for the last couple of weeks and have not given in but not so sure how much longer I'll hold out. What flavor???
AG
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