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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by twinmom on June 15, 2004, at 14:05:22
I am so sad and lost - I don't know what to do now - my depression has
finally worn my husband down to the point of being numb to my tears.
He told me this weekend that he loves me - but he doesn't want to take
a day off together or try to go away for a weekend with just me (we have
4 kids (ages 15, 9, and 2 year old twins).
What do I do know - he is the one I go to to cry and be consoled. I hate
this depression - it is seriously hurting my relationship.
I just wanted to be able to tell this to someone - there is no one else now.
Posted by Susan J on June 15, 2004, at 14:30:25
In reply to This depression keeps costing me things I love, posted by twinmom on June 15, 2004, at 14:05:22
Hey, I'm sorry you are hurting so much right now. That is a common fear among people who suffer from depression, I think, alienating or somehow being a burden on loved ones.
When I was really, horribly depressed, I saw my therapist regularly. She was like my venting point so that I didn't have to *burden* my friends so much with my problems. Are you seeing someone now? If not, could you try to find one?
There are also several good books out there on how family members can cope with a depressed person. I can't remember any names of them off hand, but if your husband likes to read, that may be a good thing to look at. Also, *he* might want to see a therapist for a bit to learn how to better cope with your depression.
It sounds like your husband loves you very much, but he isn't sure how to cope well with the beast of depression. Maybe you could start with smaller outings together, like just dinner. And work up to more time alone.....
Thinking of you,
Susan
Posted by TexasChic on June 15, 2004, at 15:16:05
In reply to This depression keeps costing me things I love, posted by twinmom on June 15, 2004, at 14:05:22
I agree, a therapist is the perfect person to rant to. My T has been invaluable to me. And they give you much better advice than friends or family. Since my friends don't understand what I'm going through, they really can't give me any advice. But a T is trained to do just that – to listen and help you find your way out of the black holes.
For me, depression is a medical problem that I don't have any control over. Its a chemical inbalance that runs in my family and has to be treated with medication. If you haven't looked into medication, please do. It was a real life saver for me.
Hang in there and write back anytime.
Posted by twinmom on June 15, 2004, at 15:47:09
In reply to Re: This depression keeps costing me things I love, posted by TexasChic on June 15, 2004, at 15:16:05
Thank you both so much for replying. I am on medication and see a pdoc regularly, but a therapist is probably what I should look for now.
(I am on Zoloft, Wellbutrin, risperdal, and depakote!)
I need to contact my insurance about therapy coverage. This disease/imbalance/whatever runs through my family as well - on both my Mother and Fathers side - my poor kids I hope so much that none of them inherited this from me.
Posted by Dinah on June 15, 2004, at 16:08:17
In reply to Re: This depression keeps costing me things I love, posted by twinmom on June 15, 2004, at 15:47:09
My husband adores my therapist. He sees my therapist as the thing that stands between him and my emotional problems. Because of my therapist I can be a reasonably decent, if not stellar, mother and wife. He doesn't have to deal with the fallout that scares him so much.
I think looking into a therapist is a great idea.
Posted by TexasChic on June 15, 2004, at 16:24:26
In reply to Re: This depression keeps costing me things I love, posted by twinmom on June 15, 2004, at 15:47:09
I started off just with medication, and it helped tremendously. I felt like a fog was lifted off my head. It was wonderful. But I realized, now that I could think clearly, I still didn't know how to solve alot of my problems. When I started seeing my T, it was like I finally received the second half of my treatment. It was like the medication let me see what my problems were, but the therapy taught me what to do about them. Its still an ongoing process of course, but I'm in a much better place than I would be without one or the other.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on June 15, 2004, at 18:08:07
In reply to This depression keeps costing me things I love, posted by twinmom on June 15, 2004, at 14:05:22
Dear Twinmon,
I'm sorry that things are so hard on your marriage right now. You're right, this disease is so cruel, first in what it costs you as a person, and then what it costs in relationships, and your entire life.
It takes an extraordinary person to stay with someone who is depressed and to be available to them everytime they need.
The advice about having a therapist is probably the best you can have. It gives you someone to talk to, it gives your husband some respite because you have someone else to vent to.
Most people who are on medications for major depression usually have a therapist to talk to. It has been shown to be much more effective than medication alone.
You might also want to have your husband with you during some of the therapy sessions; your therapist may be able to help him through the difficulties of your illness, and to know what to expect, how to respond, and how to stay sane himself.
I wish you well. Please stay around here, it's a great source of support.
Dee.
This is the end of the thread.
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