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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tabitha on July 9, 2004, at 22:59:21
So I know I need an update, I got 2 new pdoc referrals yesterday, and in the meantime I've started up celexa again from my stash, at double my last dose. Dang if I didn't start spontaneously cleaning the house tonight. I didn't even have to force myself to do it. I didn't even plan to do it-- I just looked up and said whoa, look at me, I'm cleaning the bathroom.
I've felt unable to clean house for months. I look at it, feel bad about it, think of doing it, and don't do it. For months. Only a huge effort even gets me to do the bare minimum of taking out trash and running the dishwasher after the kitchen mess has been intolerable for days or weeks.
I hate meds. Why can't I just clean house on my own? Why do stupid little pills have more power than I do?
I'm gonna convince myself it's placebo effect, just so I can think I'm in control somehow.
Posted by Dinah on July 9, 2004, at 23:10:37
In reply to Dang it, it's the meds, posted by tabitha on July 9, 2004, at 22:59:21
Darn it. I wish SSRI's had that effect on me. I really need a swift kick in the rear productivity wise. Unfortunately, they just make me apathetic.
Don't worry about the source, just enjoy it. It's not an issue of moral responsibility. It's just brain chemicals and biology. There's no more overtones to antidepressants than there is to the diabetes medication I take. Probably less, since I wouldn't need to take the d*mn stuff if I had dieted and exercised. :(
Posted by shadows721 on July 10, 2004, at 0:28:11
In reply to Dang it, it's the meds, posted by tabitha on July 9, 2004, at 22:59:21
I am a yoyo. One day, I feel 1/2 human and the next I am ready to be hospitalized. Medications or not I still have difficult days. I would like to have some of that kind of energy.:)
Posted by tabitha on July 10, 2004, at 2:44:40
In reply to Re: Dang it, it's the meds » tabitha, posted by Dinah on July 9, 2004, at 23:10:37
this energy boost usually doesn't last.. but so far I've always had a good response to SSRIs when I'm in the pit. Thanks for the reminder that I'm lucky about that. What usually happens next is the good mental effects diminish over time, and I get tired of struggling with the many negative physical effects, and it starts to seem like there's not much payoff.
So right now, this is the honeymoon period, except I've already got insomnia and increased anxiety, which is why I went off the stuff in the first place.
I don't know why I'm so resistant to accepting that my brain doesn't function well without meds. It's just an organ anyway, right? I got enamored with the idea of having control over my emotions and thoughts. Because we do have some control. Just not enough to pull me out of this rumination/upset cycle. I need the chemical boost.
I should thank my poor brain for working so hard under a chemical handicap for so long. Guess I haven't been very nice to it. I'm like OK brain, you don't get any chemicals, you just keep working with what you've got. And P.S. Shame on you for needing extra chemicals! I owe my brain a huge apology.
Posted by fallsfall on July 10, 2004, at 8:17:52
In reply to Re: Dang it, it's the meds, posted by tabitha on July 10, 2004, at 2:44:40
Tabitha,
You really are a wonderful person.
You are so open and inquisitive and tenacious.
You run into bad patches and you work them through. I am impressed.
Somehow these days I find that when I run into a bad patch I retreat (i.e. get depressed). I used to fight until I won. I guess I still fight, but it is from a depressed position, which can't be particularly effective.
You inspire me because you wind up in really painful places, but you learn from them, and you keep moving forward. Please keep posting!
Falls.
Posted by Dinah on July 10, 2004, at 10:29:27
In reply to Re: Dang it, it's the meds, posted by tabitha on July 10, 2004, at 2:44:40
Chuckle. Tabitha, I love that attitude! :) I suppose I should apologize to mine too.
You haven't been able to find anything to augment to reduce the insomnia? I think that's one of the original reasons for my depakote.
I understand the resistance. My huge embarassment is that Risperdal (an anti-psychotic) helps a whole lot during my meltdowns. I work backwards from the fact that an anti-psychotic helps and don't like what that says about *my* brain.
But in the end, I suppose that doing what works is the most important thing.
This is the end of the thread.
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