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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 1, 2004, at 1:31:13
When I was 5, I had a friend - Hope Caldwell. Her real name was Elizabeth. She had a younger brother named, Lawrence. She was my 1st friend and I saw her move away. I never got over it. I still remember her like yesterday and it's been 30 years. I have longed to get in contact with her. I have searched the internet and come up with dead ends.
First, I feel it's kind of silly. This person wouldn't even remember me. I remember everything about her. She had long brown hair and bangs. She had freckles on her nose. I even know that she had a birth mark that her mom said was a strawberry. She was a tom boy. We ate peanut butter out of a spoon. We talked as we sat on the sides of the sink washing our feet.
I tried even searching on the internet for Lawrence Caldwell's. The list was enormous. I know this sound's so silly, but I have never stopped crying for this friend. I waved good bye to her on a Saturday. Her parents yellow car drove by my house with the U-Haul attached. We corresponded for a bit, but then no letters. My mother thought that Hope's parent's must have moved away. I had planned to send her crowns that I had made from paper and colored the stones. We played king and queen together. Sadness just overwhelms me. It's like the child inside still grives for her like it's yesterday. I remember the little trips we made together and that she went to a Mondesory (sp) school.
How odd to be grieving over somebody you lost when you were 5?
Posted by Klokka on August 1, 2004, at 11:51:59
In reply to A friend that I have never stopped searching for, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 1, 2004, at 1:31:13
I don't think it's odd at all. I still grieve the loss of my best friend from the second grade and often wonder where she is now and what's she doing in life. It hasn't been quite as long in my case - only about ten years now - but it also hasn't faded with time. (Though if I'm secure in my current friendships it is easier and I'm better able to just look back and be grateful for having known her.)
We didn't spend very much time together outside of school (I don't think my parents were very keen on me going to other people's houses back then, though the problem probably was with me) but did pretty much whenever possible in school. I remember so much more about those times than I do about the rest of my childhood - it's odd. It's worse right now because that was one of the few friendships I've had which didn't make me feel like a sideshow freak - and the one I thought I had now turned out to make my friend uncomfortable. I've tried searches, but to no avail - I don't even remember her parents' first names and they're in the military, so they could be anywhere by now.
I also lost touch with her after some correspondance. We talked on the phone in the fall after she left, I tried sending a letter and never received a response. My parents blamed me for it when I mentioned how much it hurt - I obviously made a mistake with the address or something. I still blame myself, really, for that and for not trying harder to maintain communication. It's too late to do anything about it, and I know that, but I can't let go of it just yet.
Sorry for so much rambling. I wish I had something helpful to say, but nothing's really helped. On occasion I can go a while without thinking too much about it, but when I do, it haunts me. I've never really talked about it before because I thought others might find it strange. I guess I just want to let you know I understand, at least to some extent.
Posted by gardenergirl on August 1, 2004, at 12:32:27
In reply to Re: A friend that I have never stopped searching for » Shadowplayers721, posted by Klokka on August 1, 2004, at 11:51:59
I think that is very sweet. And I'm sorry you are hurting still. what strikes me about friendships at that age is that they are pure. Pure and innocent, without the angst and posturing and misunderstandings that come from society as we get older. So no wonder you miss it. I do too!
Take care,
gg
Posted by vwoolf on August 1, 2004, at 14:02:54
In reply to A friend that I have never stopped searching for, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 1, 2004, at 1:31:13
I’ve been feeling the same sort of heart-wrenching grief over the last few days for a high school teacher I had when I was about 16. She was very intellectual, but warm and accepting, and she gave me the unconditional care and acceptance I had never had. She was the only adult who ever acted as a parent to me while I was still a child. When I fell into a deep depression, she was the only person to notice and have any insight into what was happening to me. Once, when I was off school for a few days, she jumped into her car and came to my house to see what had happened to me – she evidently didn’t feel that I was protected and safe at home (quite rightly). I wish she had been able to help me more.
I telephoned my old school on Friday, and they have given me her number. I really want to telephone her, but I am sort of scared of what I will find. So many years have passed. Do you think I should contact her? What would you do if you managed to trace your old friend?
Posted by B2chica on August 1, 2004, at 15:56:15
In reply to A friend that I have never stopped searching for, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 1, 2004, at 1:31:13
Hey shadows,
i'm not going to be much help in terms of how to help find your friend but i just wanted to comment on this. I too lost a friend when i was 6 but it was i that moved away. we kept in touch a for a little while but soon we stopped. I can't say that i long for her, but there are times, times that hit hard that i miss her so deeply i ache. But it's more the reason that i miss her more that actually missing her. When i lived in Oklahoma (where we were neighbors) that is the life that i remember happy childhood memories. Ever since we moved i have only (if only) literally a handful of good childhood memories. Mostly bad and painful memories after that. I think i long for the good days when we were friends. It seems i sometimes connect "good" with her. I miss my innocence aka those days with Danielle. although i do feel lucky that i can say that i actually experienced some true childhood innocence.
I wish you the best of luck in finding her and if i come across a way to help you search i'll let you know.
love,
b2c.
Posted by antigua on August 1, 2004, at 18:41:54
In reply to Re: A friend...never stopped searching » Shadowplayers721, posted by B2chica on August 1, 2004, at 15:56:15
I think I'm going to cry. I had a best friend who moved after first grade and I never got over it either. My mother said I was very upset, but I think it was the beginnings of my depression. Things were going on with my father during that time and I think it was her way of not noticing.
My daughter encourages me all the time to try and find her.I also had a teacher in high school who really helped me, when my parents weren't the slightest bit interested. She'd take me places, out to dinner, museums, you name it, and she helped me get a scholarship to college. I lost touch w/her, I think I was ashamed to go back to her because I didn't think I was "good enough" for what she hoped for me. I found out quite inadvertently that she had been killed in a car accident. I never got to thank her for all she did for me. I'll always remember her, but I wish she could have known how much I appreciated her.
antigua
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 1, 2004, at 20:25:10
In reply to Re: A friend that I have never stopped searching for, posted by vwoolf on August 1, 2004, at 14:02:54
To Vwoolf,
If I got to meet Hope again, I would tell her that she changed my life. I was abused at that age, but I shut all that all that all out of my mind. One day, I was playing with Hope and I pinned her against a tree for no reason. Hope turned to me and said, "What are you doing?" I was stunned. I didn't know what I was doing and I never did that again to anyone. She taught me that it was wrong to jump on someone. From then on, I considered others feelings. She taught me that. I would tell her that I loved her as a true friend for over 30 years. I never forgot the things we talked about how Sunday was God's day and that was a great day to have a Birthday. How, we talked about what the Garden of Eden must of looked like. That her smile was forever edged into the my mind of the day we met. I wanted to know what those spots were on her face and she told me they were called freckles.
Yes, Vwoolf, I would contact a person if I could and tell them what they meant to me in a second.
I heard once that Hope was killed by a car, but I never was told by her family if that was true. I guess I just don't ever want to let her go even till I die. HOPE rests deep in my heart. I will never want to let her go. I hope that she is alive somewhere in the world.
Thanks everyone for your kind comments. It does feel so foolish to have something from so long ago and from such a young age never leave my heart as that cute friend with the long brown hair, big brown-green eyes, with freckles on her nose and cheeks. We promised to see each other again...
Posted by gardenergirl on August 1, 2004, at 21:47:36
In reply to Re: A friend...never stopped searching, posted by antigua on August 1, 2004, at 18:41:54
Posted by sageblue on August 1, 2004, at 23:59:57
In reply to A friend that I have never stopped searching for, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 1, 2004, at 1:31:13
could she be the elizabeth caldwell that is an english professor? go to http://english.osu.edu/people/person.cfm?ID=345 and check out that picture -- sounds like the girl.
btw, when i was a kid, one of my best friends died the summer between 2nd and 3rd grade. it was well into adulthood when i finally grieved for him. i talked about his death with a pastor; it made a very positive difference for me.
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 2, 2004, at 12:53:41
In reply to Re: A friend that I have never stopped searching for, posted by sageblue on August 1, 2004, at 23:59:57
sageblue,
I don't know if that's the woman or not, but I will write her. Hope would be around 36 or 37 now. Let's see what this lady says. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 3, 2004, at 20:03:53
In reply to Re: A friend that I have never stopped searching for, posted by sageblue on August 1, 2004, at 23:59:57
No, reply from this teacher yet. Maybe, she is not teaching till the fall semester. If it isn't her, she may know how to reach the real one. I am still hoping.
This is the end of the thread.
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