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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by woolav on August 10, 2004, at 8:24:49
Hello, I feel like I am going to explode..My step father has NPD and God only what else. He has done so much to hurt me over the years (he married my mom when i was 13) I am now 32...But I have tried so hard to "forgive and forget" and move on, but i cant do it anymore. My mother doesnt want to leave him for many reasons. Fear, losing out on his money, etc. So, I have told her i cant deal with him anymore and if I do get to the point where I tell him off..He will make it hard for me to see my mom. He is so munipulitive and controlling its really SICK> So, I feel like I will have to let go of my Mom to get away from him. But, i dont think i have a choice. I am confused and scared of the realization that my Mom will just let me go, so she can live the "lifestyle" she wants. Even though she is not happy and knows she's married to a psycho, she doesnt want to give up the money..Its very sad..
I dont know what to do....
S
Posted by woolav on August 10, 2004, at 18:58:03
does no one out there care?
?
Posted by partlycloudy on August 10, 2004, at 19:08:21
In reply to I SAID my stepfather is driving me crazy!!, posted by woolav on August 10, 2004, at 18:58:03
No, I just didn't know what to say. Your mom has to fight her own fight as do you. Your step father is making her life a mess, but you're not the person to fight the fight for her, you know?
My mum had 3 husbands in a row who were alcoholics and abused her emotionally.
It's not your fight to fight, unless it's the inheritance you are worried about. Believe me, losing money to save yourself and your sanity is SO worth it.
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 10, 2004, at 20:10:06
In reply to My stepfather is making me CRAZY, posted by woolav on August 10, 2004, at 8:24:49
My 1st thought about this situation is that you need some distance from this for awhile. When someone is as sick as you describe as your stepfather, you need to stay away mentally. They will draw you into their sickness as well.
You have to do what is safe for your mind. You have put up with this personality for years. You don't have to take the abuse as your mother is choosing to do. Sometimes, you have to lose someone you love if they aren't protecting themselves from this too. In other words, you can choose how much interaction from this person you are having now. I do hope you aren't in the house hold with him. If you are, I would be strongly motivated to get out.
My father is one sick pup and I haven't seen him in years. I haven't and will not see him. I have to keep myself safe. So, you do not have to put up with what your mother is. The decision is up to you now.
Posted by woolav on August 10, 2004, at 21:55:11
In reply to Re: I SAID my stepfather is driving me crazy!!, posted by partlycloudy on August 10, 2004, at 19:08:21
Thank you Partlycloudy, that is just what i needed to hear...:)
S
Posted by karen_kay on August 10, 2004, at 23:32:47
In reply to Re: I SAID my stepfather is driving me crazy!!, posted by woolav on August 10, 2004, at 21:55:11
i agree.
you can't put a price tag on joy dear. or happiness. money's just not worth it.
be there for your mother. but, if it's not in your best interest to be there for him, then don't.
take care sweetie.
Posted by JenStar on August 11, 2004, at 1:03:02
In reply to I SAID my stepfather is driving me crazy!!, posted by woolav on August 10, 2004, at 18:58:03
I DO care. I just feel unequal to offering advice. Sometimes I read posts that are so full of pain that I think any advice I could muster would just be ineffective and silly. Sometimes I just feel that I know so little about certain topics that I better not chime in...but I'm definitely sending you 'happy vibes' through the air (I wish that could work!)
But I do sympathize, and I'm sorry you're going through this. Keep us updated on what happens.
JenStar
Posted by woolav on August 11, 2004, at 8:48:12
In reply to Re: I SAID my stepfather is driving me crazy!!, posted by JenStar on August 11, 2004, at 1:03:02
I understand that if your not going through the same thing its hard to give advice. But sometimes its nice to know someone cares. I have to say It has warmed my heart to have found this site and everyone here is so special and caring for those they dont even know.
:) S
Posted by Angela2 on August 11, 2004, at 10:31:59
In reply to I SAID my stepfather is driving me crazy!!, posted by woolav on August 10, 2004, at 18:58:03
HI Woolav,
I am very sorry about your step father. He sound like a very controlling and frusterating person. I am glad you are talking about this somewhere because talking about it can be a really big help. I can just imagine how much it hurts to have your mother choose your step father over you. Please keep posting here. We want to help.
Angela
Posted by woolav on August 11, 2004, at 13:07:31
In reply to Re: My stepfather is making me CRAZY, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 10, 2004, at 20:10:06
thank you...I work for him right now, so that is step number 1 for me is to get another job. And, i have no idea how he will react to that. he will prob. freak out and try to guilt/manipulate me, but i have to do that. And i did talk to my mom and told her i cant take this anymore and i am thinking of actually moving to another state..Its a very sad situation. My mom has always chosen money over me and i guess i have to start focusing on myself now...
S
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 11, 2004, at 15:09:43
In reply to Re: My stepfather is making me CRAZY, posted by woolav on August 11, 2004, at 13:07:31
What a difficult situation! But, you sound very healthy and seem to want to better yourself no matter what. Good for you. Maybe, you mom will follow your lead and see your strength. I don't know what will happen to her, but you do have to do what is best for you.
Posted by AuntieMel on August 11, 2004, at 15:57:32
In reply to My stepfather is making me CRAZY, posted by woolav on August 10, 2004, at 8:24:49
Bummer.....
It's tough to be put in that position. And it's probably equally hard for your mom. In a way it puts her in the middle of the mess. And I'd imagine that living with that for so many years would erode her self confidence. Which might be why she stays.
You do have to put yourself first. And refuse to be manipulated. But does that mean you have to shut your mom out? Can you meet for lunch or shopping sometimes? It would probably help her, too, to see you getting stronger.
Posted by woolav on August 12, 2004, at 10:42:43
In reply to Re: My stepfather is making me CRAZY » woolav, posted by AuntieMel on August 11, 2004, at 15:57:32
Thanks all. I dont want to shut my mom out of my life completely. But my stepfather is so controlling with his NPD that I have witnessed in the past him forbidding my mom from seeing her own sister when he was mad about something she did. And the sad part is, that for about 6 months she let him control her and didnt see her sister. So, I have to be prepared for her to let him tell her she cant see me..I dont know..I need therapy....
S
Posted by Angela2 on August 13, 2004, at 9:17:09
In reply to Re: My stepfather is making me CRAZY, posted by woolav on August 11, 2004, at 13:07:31
work for him right now, so that is step number 1 for me is to get another job. And, i have no idea how he will react to that. he will prob. freak out and try to guilt/manipulate me, but i have to do that.
Yes. I agree. You have to do what's right for you Woolav. Even if that means going against someone's wishes. I know that with my parents, its hard to do what I want because they have a cerain "plan" for me. I hope that isn't the case for you.
I wish you the best of luck.
Posted by woolav on August 13, 2004, at 12:30:07
In reply to Re: My stepfather is making me CRAZY, posted by Angela2 on August 13, 2004, at 9:17:09
Thanks, but yes, they do have "plans" for me and I am 32 and they still treat me like Im 12. I am secretly going to job hunt and when I have something else, I will tell my stepfather I quit. And at that point, I cant worry about what happens. If he freaks, then I wont talk to him or let my daughter see him. And my mom can visit me at my house. I have to get away from this control or I think I will have a breakdown and be hospitalized...
S
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