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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by QuietHeart on September 5, 2004, at 18:05:49
Hi,
I know I haven't been around here much but I have some serious issues of late. I wanted to post about something that I find especially difficult to discuss with my T. I am a 26 year old female, professional (financial planner/real estate agent), and I have never been in a serious relationship. I guess I feel as though there's no point wasting time in dating someone you can't see yourself with for the long haul, but then I never think I could be with anyone for the long haul. I have real trouble with imagining any man who would want to be with me and I don't really date. I am a virgin though I have engaged in all other possible sexual activity. I don't know what to do. Maybe I am just a late bloomer, but I feel like a total loser and I just feel so lonely. I am 26 and have a great career, and some (though not a lot) of friends, and it seems everyone has paired off. I wouldn't be so upset if I felt I was capable of being in a relationship, but sometimes, I don't even know what that means. If anyone can shed some light on these feelings and bravely share their experiences I would be much obliged.Thanks
QH
Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 9:24:39
In reply to Sad and alone..., posted by QuietHeart on September 5, 2004, at 18:05:49
QuietHeart,
I wish I had some answers for you or some insight. I know I felt like a late bloomer compared to my peers when it came to dating and so on. I agree it was hard to see people paired off all the time. In some ways, I'm still a late bloomer, because I haven't had children yet, and I'm 38. I just tell my self it will happen when the time is right.I do know, though, that the older you get, the harder it can be to meet people. And if you are feeling down on yourself, it's another strike.
Can you try to enjoy yourself as you are, and your friends as they are...paired off or not? Actually, the night I met my husband I had declared myself "red-shirted" or out for the dating "season" (or at least six months), because I had had a bad date with an on again off again boyfriend. Who knew I would meet my friends at a local establishment and meet the man I would eventually marry? You never know...when you are ready it will happen.
Take care,
gg
Posted by QuietHeart on September 6, 2004, at 11:38:43
In reply to Re: Sad and alone..., posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 9:24:39
Thanks GardenGirl. I wish I had some insight too. I appreciate your responding to my post. I guess I just wonder about how anyone could really want to be with me. And that shuts me down when it comes to meeting men. How long have you been married?
Posted by octopusprime on September 6, 2004, at 17:24:01
In reply to Re: Sad and alone..., posted by QuietHeart on September 6, 2004, at 11:38:43
hey QuietHeart:
boy i can really identify with the pain you express so eloquently in your posts!
may i offer up a slightly different perspective: i am a 25 year old single professional woman, with some good friends. i have been in serious relationships before, but i haven't been in one in a year.
and sometimes i think to myself: i can't imagine why anybody would want to be in a serious relationship with me! i'm crazy! i don't think i can handle a relationship! everybody else is already paired off! why do i feel so alone sometimes!
so i think your concerns are shared with almost everybody that's single/divorced/etc ...
but because you haven't had a relationship before, the concerns are magnified, and because you are a statistical minority in some ways, you think it's you ...
i don't think it's you, i think it's your situation, and i think it's normal. unpleasant, but normal.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 22:00:44
In reply to Re: Sad and alone..., posted by QuietHeart on September 6, 2004, at 11:38:43
Thanks for asking. It will be nine years next month. But we dated for about five before we got married.
Poor dear. It sounds like you need to improve the relationship with yourself first. Of course people will want to be with you! Especially if your posting name is a good description for you.
Do you see a therapist? Is this something you can talk about?
gg
Posted by QuietHeart on September 7, 2004, at 0:00:27
In reply to Re: Sad and alone..., posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 22:00:44
Thanks Oct and GG -- I really appreciate the responses. I don't know how to express this to my T, I think she will not get it or be incredulous or laugh at me. I have some mild sexual abuse in my background (a one time incident)--so though that may be part of it, it's not totally it. Can you guys be HONEST and tell me how shocked you are that I am 26 yrs old, dated casually, never been in a long term relationship, and engaged in sexual activity but not had sex? I need someone to tell me if I am a loser...
Posted by gardenergirl on September 7, 2004, at 0:24:26
In reply to Re: Sad and alone..., posted by QuietHeart on September 7, 2004, at 0:00:27
I'm not shocked at all, and you certainly are not a loser. At all.
gg
Posted by octopusprime on September 7, 2004, at 0:36:27
In reply to Re: Sad and alone..., posted by QuietHeart on September 7, 2004, at 0:00:27
QuietHeart:
count another vote for not shocked. and i don't think you're a loser.
i bet there are a lot more people in your boat than you realize ... (people are always lying about sex!)
This is the end of the thread.
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