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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by becksA on September 15, 2004, at 11:47:13
Not sure if anybody remembers...but a while back I was talking about a girl I met at a club and how I could best go about the situation and making something of it. Long story short, she likes me...we've been on a date and she is going to call later this week so we can figure out something for a second date.
However, I hvae this problem...I just moved back to America after living abroad for 8 years, and even though we've only been on one date, I feel closer to her than anybody else within 1,000 miles. (Minus my family). Because of this, and because of me being very much a people person (always want to be around friends, talk to friends), I have the urge to call her on lunchbreaks, after work, or whatever. Nevertheless I resist, as I don't want to overwhelm her. I guess the best thing I can do is wait it out until (hopefully) it reaches the point when I CAN call her whenever?
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 15, 2004, at 11:53:57
In reply to relationship advice...., posted by becksA on September 15, 2004, at 11:47:13
Becksa,
Too much too soon is a big turnoff. TRust your instincts about not calling her a lot. It would more than likely freak her out if you called too much so soon.
However, this is just ME. Any other opinions?
Posted by pegasus on September 15, 2004, at 12:59:44
In reply to relationship advice...., posted by becksA on September 15, 2004, at 11:47:13
I agree with Miss Honey; calling her too early or often might turn her off and work against your interests.
Is there any way that you can spend time with some other people? Having another community and interests would probably help you get through the time, and also give you something interesting to talk about when you do get together with her again. I know that if I were getting to know someone who had no interests or friends except me, I'd be really concerned. (I'm not saying that's where you are necessarily, just that *if* that's where you are, you might want to expand.) Are there clubs you could join or people you work with, or volunteer work to do, or other interests that you have nearby? Just an idea.
pegasus
Posted by becksA on September 15, 2004, at 13:25:53
In reply to Re: relationship advice...., posted by pegasus on September 15, 2004, at 12:59:44
I've definitly thought about joining some clubs or something just not sure where to look. After being out of the country for 8 years I've kind of lost touch with American society and this area...I've joined a gym for something to do, but that's not an ideal place to meet people, as it doesn't have any activities. Any other ideas on what I could join to meet people? Haven't had any luck at work. People are very cliquish.
Thanks
Posted by pegasus on September 15, 2004, at 14:24:23
In reply to Re: relationship advice...., posted by becksA on September 15, 2004, at 13:25:53
Can you volunteer somewhere? I've met some great people through volunteering. There are often crisis hotlines, homeless shelters, mentoring clubs, food share programs, etc. in most communities. Or you can volunteer at after school programs, or for museums, or sports organizations (be a coach or ref), or lots of other places. Just think of the types of things that are important to you, and you might be able to find something.
Also, are there any classes you could take? For fun, I mean. Like, a foreign language class, or a pottery class, or a swimming class, or learn to play guitar, or something along those lines?
It's also sometimes easier to meet people through church groups or other spiritual activities, or political organizations. And then you generally find folks who are somewhat likeminded.
Just some ideas. I know it takes some guts to put yourself out there like that, but in my own experience, these types of activities can make life a lot more enjoyable once you get over the hump of being the new person.
good luck!
pegasus
Posted by becksA on September 15, 2004, at 14:41:20
In reply to Re: relationship advice...., posted by pegasus on September 15, 2004, at 14:24:23
Thanks for the help, Pegasus. Volunteering, well, most of anything will be hard because of my full-time job. I get up at 6:30 in the morning, hit the gym after work, and don't get out of there until 7:30 or 8:00. I suppose I could look into somethign on Saturdays. Classes sound interesting. I guess the best place for something like that would be the "community house" it's called here? Thanks again.
Posted by Susan47 on September 15, 2004, at 22:48:44
In reply to Re: relationship advice...., posted by becksA on September 15, 2004, at 13:25:53
Is there anything creative you'd be interested in and that's available? Dance, music, theatre, writing class ... anything like that? For me, dance and theatre filled me up quite nicely for awhile. I'm a woman who's dated men who were overly clingy and even though a woman might go into a relationship initially with a guy like that, there's no way it can be successful. (only talking from my own experience)
Posted by Susan47 on September 15, 2004, at 22:50:40
In reply to Re: relationship advice...., posted by becksA on September 15, 2004, at 13:25:53
kind of interesting people, have you ever volunteered in theatre? Maybe you're an undiscovered actor !
Posted by becksA on September 16, 2004, at 7:29:31
In reply to Actually theatre is a great place to meet all, posted by Susan47 on September 15, 2004, at 22:50:40
haha...not sure about acting....where would i find something like that that wouldn't cut into my work schedule? (8-5)...I play the piano and am looking for lessons again since mine has moved away while I was in England, but that wouldn't really help...unless by some amazing coincidence the teacher is my age and we get along exceptionally well.
Posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 8:56:03
In reply to Re: Actually theatre is a great place to meet all, posted by becksA on September 16, 2004, at 7:29:31
Acting, at least volunteer acting, is set up for people who work. Playing piano is wonderful; you sound like you're on a downswing now and I really hope things pick up for you.
Posted by Emme on September 16, 2004, at 8:57:28
In reply to Re: Actually theatre is a great place to meet all, posted by becksA on September 16, 2004, at 7:29:31
> haha...not sure about acting....where would i find something like that that wouldn't cut into my work schedule? (8-5)...I play the piano and am looking for lessons again since mine has moved away while I was in England, but that wouldn't really help...unless by some amazing coincidence the teacher is my age and we get along exceptionally well.
Your schedule isn't prohibitive. I've known bunches of people who participated in community theater with busy work schedules. And, you don't have to act. Props, lighting, publicity, you name it, they'll be happy if you do it. And there's always volunteering at professional theaters, which would only involve a night here and there depending on what performances you want to see.
Posted by iris2 on September 16, 2004, at 13:15:54
In reply to relationship advice...., posted by becksA on September 15, 2004, at 11:47:13
I read the advice others gave and I could not agree with them more. It sounds like the weekend would be when you have the most time. I have taken some classes and met people but I have found that volunteering at church I make friends quickly. You did not answer about church or Temple. I joined a Unitarian Universalist "church" even though I grew up Jewish. I am not religious and this is more spiritual and has little to know dogma. The Unitarians are usually interested in doing social outreach so you might find it easy to volunteer if there is a church near by. Just a thought. It helped me spiritually and make friends and even helped my depression a little when I joined and was active. They might even have a singles club!
irene
Posted by becksA on September 16, 2004, at 14:06:03
In reply to Re: relationship advice.... » becksA, posted by iris2 on September 16, 2004, at 13:15:54
I supposed that would be worth a thought. My whole life/family has been Presbyterian...and although I'm not devout and don't go every week (actually I haven't gone in a long time, although my family has)...It might be strange for me to check into a totally different denomination JUST for the social aspect of things. I looked around at the different presbyterian churches for this but all the groups were either for middle/high schoolers and senior citizens, with nothing in between!
Posted by iris2 on September 16, 2004, at 15:44:30
In reply to Re: relationship advice...., posted by becksA on September 16, 2004, at 14:06:03
> I supposed that would be worth a thought. My whole life/family has been Presbyterian...and although I'm not devout and don't go every week (actually I haven't gone in a long time, although my family has)...It might be strange for me to check into a totally different denomination JUST for the social aspect of things. I looked around at the different presbyterian churches for this but all the groups were either for middle/high schoolers and senior citizens, with nothing in between!
When I walked into the Unitarian Universalist "Congregation"(we voted later to call it a church) I had not been to Temple or any other religious activity for over 20 years.
I have copied the "Principles" around which the entire religion is about. I would not have been able to go if it had been dogmatic in any way. I am not trying to convert you to a different religion. I do not believe in that type of thing. This can be so spiritual without being "religious" and for myself with the depression I found a place I felt I belonged from the beginning. The extra was that there was room for me to be active in volunteer groups and along with that I got to meet a lot of people. I never bothered to join any of the singles stuff.
Anyway here are the "Principles" and a very brief description:
With its historical roots in the Jewish and Christian traditions, Unitarian Universalism is a liberal religion -- that is, a religion that keeps an open mind to the religious questions people have struggled with in all times and places. We believe that personal experience, conscience and reason should be the final authorities in religion, and that in the end religious authority lies not in a book or person or institution, but in ourselves. We are a "non-creedal" religion: we do not ask anyone to subscribe to a creed.
Our congregations are self-governing. Authority and responsibility are vested in the membership of the congregation. Each Unitarian Universalist congregation is involved in many kinds of programs. Worship is held regularly, the insights of the past and the present are shared with those who will create the future, service to the community is undertaken, and friendships are made. A visitor to a UU congregation will very likely find events and activities such as church school, day-care centers, lectures and forums, support groups, poetry festivals, family events, adult education classes and study groups.
Unitarian Universalist Association Principles and Purposes
We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, covenant to affirm and promote
· The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
· Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;· Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
· A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
· The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;· The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
· Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
The living tradition which we share draws from many sources:· Direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, affirmed in all cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life;
· Words and deeds of prophetic women and men which challenge us to confront powers and structures of evil with justice, compassion, and the transforming power of love;
· Wisdom from the world's religions which inspires us in our ethical and spiritual life;
· Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God's love by loving our neighbors as ourselves;· Humanist teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the results of science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit.
· Spiritual teachings of earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature.
Grateful for the religious pluralism which enriches and ennobles our faith, we are inspired to deepen our understanding and expand our vision. As free congregations we enter into this covenant, promising to one another our mutual trust and support
Here is a link to the association: http://www.uua.org/aboutuua/principles.htmlThis is a link to the congregation I go to: http://www.sunnyhill.org/uu/
There is a very short book I read as part of a class I took to learn about it all. I will look it up if you are interested. You could read it in an afternoon.
The reason I am advancing this to you or others so much is not only that it helped me so much but the therapist I was seeing at the time pooh-poohed the whole thing. We did not talk of it. After I had started going for a couple of months he saw how much it helped me and asked me about it and where it was I assume to tell some of his other clients. This really is not about "religion".If you have any questions do not hesitate. I will not send more information else you think I really was trying to convert you.
Sorry if it seems that way, not the intent.
irene
Posted by AuntieMel on September 16, 2004, at 15:53:55
In reply to relationship advice...., posted by becksA on September 15, 2004, at 11:47:13
How about if you talk a bit about the difficulty you are having meeting people and ask her if she could take you around and help. Two birds. One stone.
This is the end of the thread.
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