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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by CatFanatic on September 19, 2004, at 15:45:26
PTSD is normally associated with a traumatic event which people relive over and over again, and anything that remotely reminds them of the event triggers the pain and anguish.
In my case, it is dozens of events, encounters I have had with people. Getting heckled while giving a speech at school is a big one. Watching a tv show that takes place in high school will set me off into angry , painful memories. I completely skipped an episode of DeadZOne, one of my favorite shows, because an episode took place in a high school.
I remember talking with my racist fooball player roommate in college about religion. I stated religion started as nature worship ad evolved from there. However, he started screaming at me with great anger" have you ever read the Bible!!!!!?" Well as I usually do, I try to disarm the situation as a result of numbness and lack of assertiveness, so I responded no. Well of course I read the Bible, and even went to Catholic school for 3 years. Ever
since then, if I see a commercial for a religious movie, or a debate by scholars or newspeople on religion, I get this angry , frustrated feeling and I relive that moment over and over again. This was 17 years ago. Can't get this out of my head.ANother incident. One time that same roommate received a package from his mom. I smiled at him, happy for him. However, he yelled with great anger at me: "What are you laughing at? Doesn't your mother show you love and attention and send you packages!!!!" Well to make matters worse, I nodded my head in agreement and stuck my head in a pillow. Also to make things worse, he was with his basketball player friends, and he gave me weird dirty looks. I DID NOT laugh. I just smiled. And of course he knew I received packages fro my mom. he also did the same thing to me when I smiled whn he received a letter from his mom.
Now, 17 years later, everytime I smile at something which I find amusing or pleasurable, even if it is thinking about what my cat did, this memory comes up. An intense flood of anger andfrustration. i relive revenge scenarios over and over again. I wish I had told him "Hey orphan boy you are just jealous becasue I have real parents that love and care for me. Your slut mama doesn't love you enough to even tell you who your real father is. You don't even have a real family." Etc. I'm easy prey. How could this cracker even think for a moment that my mom doesn't love me.
Another thing to make the above incidents worse. A `year after, this racist moron came up to me to say hi, smiling ,acting friedly. Of course, being the sap and sucker I am, I responded in kind. I relivie hes moments over and over again. I wish I had told him off. i feel as though he had gotten away with somwthing that he shouldn't have.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. I thik a lot of this has to do wit hthe fact I am Asian, and whites thik that I am subhuman. Lots of racial slurs.
Any method, self method, to deal with this type of PTSD? I am always being someone's emotional bitch. I can never fight back, I do the opposite and agree with them. Dale Carnegie is a freaking moron. Isn't that what he preaches????? Agree with the abuser so he will like you? Huh????????WTF?????????????????????????????????????????????My former crook shrink told me to read Dale Carnegie's book. Well I had gone through life doing that. Well no one liked me. I can count on one hand the number of friends I have had. I can't make any friends . Ilived in dorms in the most densely populated city in the country for 3 years. Because of extreme APD and SAD and depression, I oculdn't make any friends. I have the WORST body language. My facial expressions show extremem depression, unremitting tension and anxiety.
Posted by PhoenixGirl on September 19, 2004, at 19:23:32
In reply to PTSD. Do I have it?, posted by CatFanatic on September 19, 2004, at 15:45:26
Hi CatFanatic. I'm not sure if it is PTSD, but it may be social anxiety disorder. Notice that most of the experiences you mention involved feeling humiliated in front of another person.
I have had social anxiety disorder for most of my life, and I experienced similar things as you have. Like re-living incidents where I felt humiliated and degraded by someone.
I also wanted to let you know that I'm white, and I know that you're not subhuman. (((CatFanatic)))<---that means "hugs"
Posted by RosieOGrady on September 20, 2004, at 14:34:24
In reply to PTSD. Do I have it?, posted by CatFanatic on September 19, 2004, at 15:45:26
I think so. Soldiers can have PTSD from the stress of being in the combat zone even if there is no single traumatic incident. Just the day to day smaller traumas and stresses are enought to bring it on. And I think the years of psychological abuse to a sensitive person could have the came effect.
Borderline Personality disorder is sometimes referred to as chronic PTSD and I think Marsha Lineans workbook has some exercises that might help you. They are available online if you do a google search but I think the workbook is well worth the money.
Posted by sexylexy on September 20, 2004, at 18:42:53
In reply to PTSD. Do I have it?, posted by CatFanatic on September 19, 2004, at 15:45:26
CatFanatic,
I wonder the same thing. I don't have anything like the traditional PTSD. I have not been abused, raped or witnessed anything horrible. However, I had an experience this past year where I was living in a terrible situation. I have for some reason blocked a lot of it out of my mind, I cannot remember the address ( I usually remember everything). When I think about the situation I feel sick to my stomach and am depressed, which is getting better as I am away from the place and situation. Even people who I was friends with in the situation it is taking me a lot of time to warm up to people I was in touch with during this time....What do you all think???
Lexy
Posted by sexylexy on September 20, 2004, at 18:43:09
In reply to PTSD. Do I have it?, posted by CatFanatic on September 19, 2004, at 15:45:26
CatFanatic,
I wonder the same thing. I don't have anything like the traditional PTSD. I have not been abused, raped or witnessed anything horrible. However, I had an experience this past year where I was living in a terrible situation. I have for some reason blocked a lot of it out of my mind, I cannot remember the address ( I usually remember everything). When I think about the situation I feel sick to my stomach and am depressed, which is getting better as I am away from the place and situation. Even people who I was friends with in the situation it is taking me a lot of time to warm up to people I was in touch with during this time....What do you all think???
Lexy
Posted by JenStar on September 21, 2004, at 1:15:48
In reply to PTSD. Do I have it?, posted by CatFanatic on September 19, 2004, at 15:45:26
hi catfanatic,
first of all, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been the target of racism! So sorry to hear that. It's nice to find a place like babble where skin really DOESN'T matter.I've had the exact same thing you describe - obsessing over a (supposedly) small thing that happened eons ago. For me, the things I can't forget are things that remind me of my own weaknesses. I think the tendency to hold onto these and play them in the mind like a broken recored is a tendency of OCD. NOt the OCD where you wash hands over and over again, but the kind where obsessessive thoughts set up in the braind and can't leave.
Lexapro helped me alleviate some of those obsessive thoughts. I don't know if a med would work for you. Have you tried anything?
I've read Dale Carnegie and what struck me most about him was that he seemed to genuinely, truly LIKE people. I believe his point is that when you find something to like about a person, then you can be humble and step back until the person doesn't feel threatened...and then you can work from there. But I think it takes a special personality type to be successful at emulating DC -- to truly feel respect and communion with others, even if they are being jerks -- if people suspect phoniness, the gig is up! :)
Have you talked to a doc about these feelings you have?
take care,
JenStar
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