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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on December 6, 2004, at 15:05:17
The well oiled machine of my brain is not behaving like it should. Had a great couple of weeks on a new med and in the last 2 days the anxiety and panic are back. I'm terrified of starting with this new therapist - like that makes any sense??!! - because I've been in therapy for a year and all I know how to do is kinda sorta how to meditate not really. Feeling like I haven't accomplished a full recovery from depression, anxiety, and panic in 6 weeks of leave from work. (Like all I'd have to do was work on it full time....)
Crisis of confidence? Manifestation of depression? All the things I know intellectually - that I'll be fine with my new T, that meds are made to be adjusted (or so it seems), that everyone has good and bad days; see I can even write common sensibly!!! - but today is a rotten day, a 1mg xanax day (day for me). I forced myself to the gym this morning and to a store this afternoon as I have sensed that if I don't push myself out of the front door it will only get worse.
I'm even freaking out about what to buy family members for christmas when I've never in all these years even received a thank you for any of them. Tearing my hair out over NOTHING NOTHING but the tricks my mind is playing on me how cruel.OK, that was the bad stuff. I have promised myself that for all my whining, I will point out the good things I have going on: Not drinking. Spending oodles of time with my husband. Bonding on a psychic level with my cat, Psycho. Having cooked the entire Thanksgiving meal by myself (ah, the luxury of time), and having hardly any leftovers, even though half the recipes I'd never used before that meal. Being able to read a whole book. Being able to rejoin the book club and *gasp* socialize with some members. Look ma, No cavities.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 6, 2004, at 15:48:23
In reply to My cogs are slipping, posted by partlycloudy on December 6, 2004, at 15:05:17
pc,
Part of me wonders if you are freaking out about all of your recent progress? That you are maybe freaking out about the really positive changes you have accomplished over the past 6 weeks. Not a drink in sight??? CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Anxiety is both a reaction to positive as well as negative things. Change is stressful. Your mind and body want to behave in their old patterns - those patterns, no matter how self destructive are comfortable and familiar. Change is frightening and that is what you have been doing.
So my theory is that your brain is finally realizing all of the changes and wanting to go back to the familiarity of old ways. As odd as it seems, your brain probably feels more "at home" and at ese when it is depressed.
Do you think this is a possibility? I've had 2 small relapses over the pst year, and both times my T and I could trace them to be anxious about positive changes and progress I was making.
Any thoughts?
Posted by partlycloudy on December 7, 2004, at 4:11:23
In reply to Re: My cogs are slipping, posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 6, 2004, at 15:48:23
You're probably right, Miss HC. I've been putting myself into what I consider "test" situations - places where I've had panic or anxiety before, and I've been holding my breath waiting for the sky to fall. In about 90% of the situations, I've felt fine, or just annoyed instead of anxious (if that makes sense). Besides my entire body hurting from holding myself so tensely, I've been so much better, it's true. There has been real positive change.
And I'm still the last person to trust what I feel.
Thanks for your thoughts.
This is the end of the thread.
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