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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 11:28:20
My ex was a total piece of something gross. she didn't give a damn about anything. I thought it was the drugs... maybe it wasn't...maybe it was her depression...maybe she was hypersensitive...maybe she was just as thick as a brick from day 1! ARRRGGHHHH!! I've got to learn when to give up.
My next gf is going to be dopaminergic. I know, that sounds strange doesn't it...I guess I'm saying I want someone with a sex drive, and who'll actually show me some signs of love and life. She was so dead. Too much time in front of the tube or something. Too much depression. I don't know. Got on my nerves...
Retribution: I'll find another I guess. And the mob will pay somehow.
Posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 11:35:29
In reply to arrgyl., posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 11:28:20
BTW: I tried to be supportive but it really got annoying, both times we went out. She'd never speak up, she'd just absorb, and when she did talk about something it was her depression and so from the start I assumed this care-taker role and you know what, I think that led to trouble. That was all she'd talk about though the first time we went out. This guy luke who'd always threaten her and tell her she was an ex-convict sometimes. Seriously.. An ex-convict? he had her convinced she was an ex-convict? Apparently he said he'd make her life a living hell. That's what she told me about him. She also said that he'd always compete with her in HS... etc etc. A bunch of stuff like that. Depressing stuff. I don't know. The only fun stuff we did at the begining was playing an abandoned factory. The factory was really cool and a lot of fun. Of course, we didn't do much talking then.
I remember one time my dad came inside the house. We said hi to him, he didn't really say anything AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!!? She started crying on my shoulder. she was talking about how she thought my parents would hate her.
It was always stuff like this. Always negative stuff and I'd always be trying to be supportive.
That's the situation we were in for months. Then, out of nowhere she got upset, my parents were on a vacation I was with them, and I got the email. I was like what?? I didn't? huh? Why so upset? It drove me stinking mad.What surprized me the most was how easily she could go from complaining at lot to me to not feeling a thing at all. It was really weird.
I realize I'm just ranting. Ahhh. It just drives me mad that's all. I spent a lot of time trying to console her.
Posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 11:40:20
In reply to arrgyl., posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 11:28:20
I guess I just shouldn't get involved with someone while they're depressed. Bad place to start.
Posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 12:37:25
In reply to arrgyl., posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 11:28:20
One more thing, before anybody flames me. The second time was good. She was on Effexor that time. There were just a lot of frustrating things about the first time though and I'm not appologizing for it. It really drove me nuts.
Posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 13:47:26
In reply to arrgyl., posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 11:28:20
And still I regret all of that. I really liked her. I'd hate for her to see all of my complaints. It was great the second time. It's just I've got another problem. There are these people who make me feel I need to defend myself, make me feel guilty all of the time. It was between us, but they got in the way. I mean I hate them. I really don't mind what I went through. I know I did a lot for her and she did a lot for me too. These guys just keep getting in the way.
It's like I just hit 13 all over again and I'm surrounded by a bunch of bullies and prissy people who can't keep their nose out of other people's buissness. And now I'm even defending myself in a public forum.
I must stop this.
Posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 15:53:50
In reply to arrgyl., posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 11:28:20
...please disregard it unless you feel compelled to say something. I should've written this in a journal.
Posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 15:55:07
In reply to I don't want any replies to this thread..., posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 15:53:50
this was a mistake.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 9, 2004, at 16:50:45
In reply to replies - I really don't want though., posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 15:55:07
I hope you don't mind me hugging you all the time!
I understand and appreciate the need to rant every now and again...
I don't really know what to say except that it is hard to have a positive relationship when you aren't getting anything out of it. It sounds like you were giving all the time and that none of your needs and desires were being met. It doesn't sound suprising to me that things didn't last.
You deserve someone who can make you laugh
And make you feel special and cared about
Sure your SO may get depressed at times - but when depression becomes their whole way of being... well that would be hard for anyone to take.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2004, at 22:40:57
In reply to ((((lostfowards)))), posted by alexandra_k on December 9, 2004, at 16:50:45
Take me for instance. Nobody in their right mind would get too close to me. I push and pull and rage and cling. Terrible, and at the whim of my f'd up emotions. Sure I can see what's going on, but what am I supposed to do - be intimate when I am not in the mood?? Oh no no no. I try not to cling, but when you need to be alone, you need to be alone... But nobody in their right mind would allow themselves to be vulnerable emotionally to me. Because I stomp and trample at the whim of my own.
Sigh.
I don't want to have a relationship anyway.
Well, I do really, but no way oh no way not until these emotions GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME.So the moral is: there are a lot of screwed up people in the world.
You deserve someone who can make you laugh.
And me, well, I don't deserve anyone at all :-(
Except maybe regular casuals if you get what I mean...
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 11, 2004, at 23:30:19
In reply to replies - I really don't want though., posted by lostforwards on December 9, 2004, at 15:55:07
if i could email you i would have..
it is totally okay if you want to walk away from her ...it is okay to love her..
it is okay to walk away and love her..
i met my husband a few months out of a hospital stay...he knew..
been together for 18 years...
not an easy ride..
oh ,," the f word " the horrid times..
give us a few good moments ..they last a lifetime.
i think the question is ..."can she be herself" and still have your love? .."can you be yourself" and still have what you want...
was there a reason why you said" i really like her"..and not "love"..
i do not want to "babble"
i wanted you to see the "girlfriend" side...
i would never want to live my life with someone who wanted me to be something other than i was...
would you?
jyl
Posted by lostforwards on December 12, 2004, at 7:02:11
In reply to lost.., posted by justyourlaugh on December 11, 2004, at 23:30:19
I said really like because I felt like the word love was a sin. My mother never liked me having girlfriends. When I did like a girl in High School, I could say every word, but the word love. Even as a gesture of friendship. I'd instead turn it into a joke and say I ehhh her, like bart simpson would do, sticking his finger in his mouth and retching. Ha. That's what I'd do.
Now my sexuality is a little screwed up, I feel like cutting it off sometimes. I feel gross.
The thing is I liked some of the more annoying things about my ex. The cooler she'd be the hotter I'd get. I think Helen Fisher actually wrote something about that sort of thing. In fact, the very first girl I fell for deeply but didn't go out with was really moody. The difference with her is she was giving.
What I wanted was her but I can't have her. The very things that I was attracted to in her, are the things that led to misunderstandings, and lack of communication. She just didn't talk about her feelings at all much. I'd have to probe her. I don't know why I liked her. I never asked her to be something else. I did always think that there was hope. I guess I was wrong.
Posted by lostforwards on December 12, 2004, at 7:14:49
In reply to Re: ((((lostfowards)))), posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2004, at 22:40:57
Perfection isn't exactly cut in stone. Maybe preference is predetermined to an extent. I tend to like people with strong emotions. The types who might get into trouble and who do things on impulse. Strangely enough, I also like people who are cold and distant. It takes a lot to hurt me enough to a point where I give up on anyone.
Posted by lostforwards on December 12, 2004, at 7:46:35
In reply to Re: ((((lostfowards)))), posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2004, at 22:40:57
I guess there might've been some implicit support in my last reply. Here's something a little more clear.
>And me, well, I don't deserve anyone at all.
Yeah, right. I think you deserve a lovely full relationship(s) that'll make you happy. I think you're fantastic. I especially like your tone on the admin board. At least in the posts I read.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 13:10:33
In reply to Re: ((((lostfowards)))), posted by lostforwards on December 12, 2004, at 7:46:35
> Yeah, right. I think you deserve a lovely full relationship(s) that'll make you happy.
There now, that wasn't so hard to be more explicit. Thankyou very much, you are very sweet.
I think you're fantastic. I especially like your tone on the admin board. At least in the posts I read.Aw, shucks :-)
This is the end of the thread.
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