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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by 64bowtie on December 14, 2004, at 11:20:41
(((Dinah))),
Part of what I had to ruminate on was, what did I see and feel in your sharing about your parents? It turns out to be simply this. You discovered that you are “enough” to handle even your parents. And your dose of “enough” came with your realization of your personal power.
Your personal power isn’t your “loudness” in a shouting match. It’s your subtle ability to “make a difference”; to make THE difference. Your strength is your ability to withstand the torture and torment and still retain your personal power, to make things different!
You have arrived! You are now unstoppable! How’s the view from here? This is why I felt your change was a major deal.
I talk about change. Much is said about how scary change is. Yet some of us seek out a pdoc asking for relief, “change” none the less. The “choice” is that going to the pdoc is the band-aid whereas deciding to no longer go down those roads that lead to those bad feelings, is the power route to healing and wellness.
It is very important for us all to learn to retain our personal power. For most of us, first we have to discover there is a thing called personal power. Second, we have to discover our dose of power we already have and witness how we are utilizing it today. Third we have to beef it up some, to a useable amount. Then we can be sensible and plot a strategy for retaining it. If we don’t, we are “toast”!
The big thing about power is it helps us with appropriateness. Remember my posting about parents I see when I’m riding the bus who slug their kids to get them to obey? I stopped reacting when I saw the treachery that was all around me on that bus. I also care very deeply for that little soul that is still very “embryonic” in its development to maturity.
However, I am not the victim, and therefore must be careful in picking my battles. By studying the situation, assessing the kids life is not in immediate danger, I choose to continue vigilance instead of intervention. I just retained my power.
Arguing, complete with coercion or (heaven forbid) violence, is our most popular form of giving over our power. Seems backwards, but this is it! It seems we are gaining power over the other person by proving, “mine’s bigger’n yours is!” Actually a subtle switching happens and the power goes over to the compliant person.
Czek it out! The next argument you get into. Step it up to a fever pitch, then go compliant! It’s dirty-nasty-smelly, known as passive-aggressive. Sadly it works every time. The “thud” you hear is the other person’s power hitting the floor when they loose their grip on it!
Rod
This is the end of the thread.
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