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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Shortelise on December 14, 2004, at 18:31:13
Dear Fellow Babblers,
I am upset. Not tearing my hair out, nor weeping, nor anything else passionate, just upset.
There is a forum for a medical condition from which I suffer that I have been participating in for about two years.
Recently, someone wrote a fairly dire warning about a med that someone else had posted about having been given in ER. I was concerned that the person would flip out as the dire warning was about things that could occur after a single dose. It was not said, hey, you should go to your doc and talk about this - the med you were given can have some pretty scary after-affects.
I wrote this:
"It often annoys me when people write what Ms. X and Ms. Y have written, such strong warnings that scare a person. But, knowing them both as well as I do, I take seriously what they say. So, I Googled this med and it does seem like a scary one.
The doc you saw may have asked you all the right questions, may have had all the info needed to prescribe this med and KNOW that you would be ok with it. That is possible. And if so, he was right. You are ok. I didn't see any mention anywhere of a reaction days after from one dose.
But just to make sure, do you think maybe you should drop the doc a note about the med? Just in case he is unaware.
I am so glad this med worked for you and you are ok. I hope you don't panic about this - there is NO reason to panic according to what I have just read, and I read a whole bunch of stuff from a lot of different sites, all of the medical ones."
Ms. X wrote more about how horrible the med is, and I responded:
"Sorry, Ms. X, I can see you are annoyed by my post.
I guess that just happens sometimes."Next was from Ms. Y:
"It sounds like Ms. X and I have annoyed you in some way. If you think what this doctor ordered is appropriate, you have every right to post that opinion. I am just getting a passive-aggressive vibe from your responses here.
If I have overstepped my bounds and you have evidence that this drug is safe, appropriate and better than what Ms A (original poster) knows works (dilaudid), please post and correct me.The letter the drug manufacturer sent to the FDA is enough to scare the hell out of me. Why not you?"
I didn't respond at all after that.
I do not get it. I am always gentle, always kind, and always always as respectful of others as I know how to be.
Is it me, or is it them. And, I haven;t posted a single post there since Nov 29, and no one NO ONE has posted wondering where I am - and I often posted something every day. I had many warm contacts with many different people.
I'm hurt.
ShortE
Posted by Poet on December 14, 2004, at 21:06:36
In reply to Forum people problems, posted by Shortelise on December 14, 2004, at 18:31:13
Hi ShortE,
You have always been gentle and kind in posts to me.
Your response to Ms A seemed appropriate, you did some online research and were trying to help her not panic over a side effect that she might not experience.
I'm sorry that no one has missed you on that forum. We'd all miss you on babble if you stopped posting.
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on December 15, 2004, at 0:36:20
In reply to Re: Forum people problems » Shortelise, posted by Poet on December 14, 2004, at 21:06:36
> Hi ShortE,
>
> You have always been gentle and kind in posts to me.
Yep, I agree.
>
> I'm sorry that no one has missed you on that forum. We'd all miss you on babble if you stopped posting.Absolutely!
gg
Posted by Shortelise on December 15, 2004, at 11:20:33
In reply to Re: Forum people problems, posted by gardenergirl on December 15, 2004, at 0:36:20
Posted by verne on December 16, 2004, at 20:47:02
In reply to Forum people problems, posted by Shortelise on December 14, 2004, at 18:31:13
ShortE,
A statement like, "It often annoys me when people write what Ms. X and Ms. Y have written", doesn't leave much room for further discussion. I can see how X and Y may not respond favorably. The point of the discussion becomes one person's annoyance and not the medication being discussed.
Then a statement like, "Sorry, Ms. X, I can see you are annoyed by my post." assumes too much about the other person. We need to let other people feel or think on their own. When we try to read their minds or feelings, we invalidate their real feelings and thoughts.
And there was another statement where someone suggested someone else had a "passive-aggressive vibe". Even if it were true, it's best left unsaid, since how can someone be "argued out of" a passive-aggressive vibe? Some of the fear and anger in the passive aggressive vibe could be on both sides.
I think the trouble with the exchange you describe is an overstepping into other peoples' feelings, thoughts, and reactions - and even anticipating their reactions. Let the other person feel, think, and react on their own and real communication may follow.
verne
Posted by Shortelise on December 20, 2004, at 13:58:31
In reply to Re: Forum people problems » Shortelise, posted by verne on December 16, 2004, at 20:47:02
Thanks Verne. I can see why this lead where it did.
ShortE
Posted by verne on December 20, 2004, at 20:48:16
In reply to Re: Forum people problems » verne, posted by Shortelise on December 20, 2004, at 13:58:31
ShortE,
Thanks for the positive response. This board, this river, can be like the "Deliverance Canoe Service" at times.
What a welcome relief.
verne
Posted by Shortelise on December 20, 2004, at 22:03:56
In reply to Deliverance Canoe Service » Shortelise, posted by verne on December 20, 2004, at 20:48:16
This is me laughing. Deliverance canoe service!
It can be hard when someone is as honest as you were - you looked at my post not from a position of wanting to make me "feel better" but instead you tried to see why it happened the way it did. I appreciated that. You weren't mean, you just answered my question honestly. And thank you again.
It's kind of like the joke "Doc it hurts when I do this". If I don't understand what it is I'm doing, why I am getting the reactions from people I sometimes get, reaction that are hurtful to me, then nothing is going to change - I don't learn "Well, don't do like that."
I also very much need the "you're ok, and didn't do anything bad" stuff, too, sometimes. Your view, another facet of reality is, for me, ok.
Thanks Verne
ShortE
This is the end of the thread.
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