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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by woolav on March 10, 2005, at 1:12:31
Hello, sorry If this is long...I have been married 9 months. Everything has been great until tonight. My husband called me at 4pm, sometimes he works late, usually not past 8 though. And I called his cell at 9pm when i hadnt heard from him. (very unusual-he calls me like 10 times a day) he wasnt answering or calling me back after i kept calling until about 10:30. I am worried at this point, he works in a very bad area of town and is a branch manager. They have about 30k in a atm machine inside the building. So, freaking out, I drove downtown and saw his car and his new employee's car outside sometime after 11pm. I called another co-worker who hadnt heard from him either. So, after just about kicking the door in at the office he was supposidly in. I began thinking he & his new "girl" were shot to death or something inside. I called his boss, who in turn sent the police out there. Well, about 2 min. before the police show up, (i was parked across the street) I see him leave the building and get into his car. I drove over and blocked him to see if he was ok. He just told me to go home. he speed off and i got trapped with the police. I told them everything was ok since my husband wasnt murdered or anything. So, he calls me on the way home and freaks out because I called his boss in the middle of the night and he is going to get in trouble, i asked what he and this girl were doing there at that hour and he says they and some other ppl who he didnt tell me their names went out drinking, and then went back to the building. Okay, so, this is the first time he didnt call me all evening, let alone coming home after midnight on a workday. He says he wasnt having an affair, but there was only his and her car there and like he told me there were 2 other ppl with them. I have trusted him and he has always treated me right, but now I dont know what to believe. I know i prob. got him in major trouble with his boss, but i really thought the police would break the door down and find him dead. I dont know what to make of this situation. I cant sleep its now 2am and I have to work early tomorrow, but i am very confused. could he have cheated? or should i believe his story? I had a really bad first marriage and dont want to believe he would hurt me since he has been so great for the 2 yrs we have been together. I dont know what to do or think right now.
Deeply hurt & confused,
Sandy :(
Posted by alexandra_k on March 10, 2005, at 3:26:57
In reply to need advice on my marriage..help, posted by woolav on March 10, 2005, at 1:12:31
That does seem strange... Most unlike him. Could you maybe 'assume the truth' of his story (sort of for arguments sake) and ask him why he decided to do that when he doesn't usually and why he didn't call you to tell you so that you wouldn't worry?
I mean, those last bits are strange. His story may be true, but I would still want an explanation for those.
Maybe if you can kind of talk to him about it in a non-confrontational way (like you are really trying to understand) then you will be able to kind of tell a bit more from the way the conversation goes as to what is going on.
Lies are typically hard to sustain without running oneself into contradiction or without simply breaking down and admitting the truth.
If something was going on with her then I would think that he would have fabricated some excuse before hand in case you went down to see if he was alright (like you did).
Unless this is a new thing...
In which case I imagine he would break down on questioning.I don't know. That is a hard one. I guess you just need to give him the benefit of the doubt (to start with at least) and try to talk to him about what is going on.
Posted by woolav on March 10, 2005, at 7:46:43
In reply to Re: need advice on my marriage..help » woolav, posted by alexandra_k on March 10, 2005, at 3:26:57
Thanks for responding. I agree with what you are saying. He called me this morning, we leave at diff. times for work and just said he was sorry for worrying me and he would never do it again. But, when i asked him more about who he was with. He named his co-worker (which i knew about) and 2 others. And when i kept asking about the other ppl, he finally told me they were female also. He swears he didnt "do" anything with them and says he made a horrible judgement call. He did get things straight with his boss at least. But Its going to take me a while to trust him again because I am soo hurt. Just for the fact of him being so inconsiderate of my feelings makes me wonder if I truely know the man I married. I will try to move past this but he will get payback. One day I am going to just not come home from work and let him wonder.......
Thank you so much for the advise, I do feel better and I will try to get more info from him tonight without arguing...
:)
Sandy
Posted by Susan47 on March 10, 2005, at 10:58:31
In reply to Re: need advice on my marriage..help, posted by woolav on March 10, 2005, at 7:46:43
Sandy, keep posting here if you need us to talk to. Do you have friends in real life who you can tell about this and talk it over with? People you respect, who've made good judgement calls about their own lives over the years, people who know how to keep a confidence??? I really encourage you to find those people, SEEK them out, and talk to them, because I think that'll help a lot with seeing things clearly. ((Sandy))
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