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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TamaraJ on May 27, 2005, at 19:25:17
Dog Property Rules
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If its broken, it's yours.-----------------------
Dogs and Light Bulbs
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Rottweiler: Make me!
Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...
Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch.
Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?
Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?
Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?
Posted by TamaraJ on May 27, 2005, at 19:30:16
In reply to Kinda Cute Pet Humor - Dogs, posted by TamaraJ on May 27, 2005, at 19:25:17
Ten Things A Cat Thinks About
I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?
This looks like a good spot for a nap.
Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!
----------------------
Feline Physics Laws
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
Posted by woolav on May 27, 2005, at 20:42:31
In reply to Kinda Cute Pet Humor - Dogs, posted by TamaraJ on May 27, 2005, at 19:25:17
Posted by KaraS on May 27, 2005, at 20:57:23
In reply to Kinda Cute Pet Humor - Dogs, posted by TamaraJ on May 27, 2005, at 19:25:17
Definitely very cute! (But you left out the part about chewing up all of the cords in the house - or maybe that's just my little nut case.)
Posted by anastasia56 on May 27, 2005, at 22:29:59
In reply to Kinda Cute Pet Humor - Dogs, posted by TamaraJ on May 27, 2005, at 19:25:17
being a dog person i gotta say these were funnnny! thanks for my 8:30pm laugh
ana
Posted by Dinah on May 27, 2005, at 22:30:20
In reply to Kinda Cute Pet Humor - Dogs, posted by TamaraJ on May 27, 2005, at 19:25:17
> Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
You mean that isn't just *my* Australian Shepherd? What a relief.
Posted by Minnie-Haha on May 28, 2005, at 11:23:19
In reply to Kinda Cute Pet Humor - Dogs, posted by TamaraJ on May 27, 2005, at 19:25:17
> Dog Property Rules
>
> 1. If I like it, it's mine.
> 2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.
> 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
> 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
> 5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
> 6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
> 7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
> 8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
> 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
> 10. If its broken, it's yours.This is gross, but it sure applies to MY dogs:
If it's in the litter box, it's mine.
Eeew!
Posted by TamaraJ on May 28, 2005, at 11:28:57
In reply to Re: Kinda Cute Pet Humor - Dogs, posted by Minnie-Haha on May 28, 2005, at 11:23:19
> This is gross, but it sure applies to MY dogs:
>
> If it's in the litter box, it's mine.
>
> Eeew!
>
-- LOL (and gag!!!) I have heard of dogs doing that, and, yup, it is disgusting. The dog of a friend of mine used it eat (her words, not mine) poopscicles (yes, those delectable little goodies found on the frozen Canadian tundra in the dead of winter when nobody in the household wants to go out and clean up)!!!! Yak!!!
This is the end of the thread.
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