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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on June 24, 2005, at 23:18:35
I think I sometimes pretend to not know or understand certain things. I don't really know why I do this...or do I(?).
I admit that I've done it here. Sometimes I ask stupid questions and pretend I don't know the answer...I think I did it a couple of times with medication questions. Why do I do this? Why do I want people to think I'm not very smart?
Does anyone else do this? I think I do this a lot when interacting with people. Maybe I like making others feel better by making them think that they know more than I do. Maybe I don't like the responsibility that comes from knowing about things or understanding things. I can make more mistakes when people think I'm stupid. People don't expect much of me then....less pressure to perform.
Deneb
Posted by lunesta on June 24, 2005, at 23:26:30
In reply to Pretending to be stupid, posted by Deneb on June 24, 2005, at 23:18:35
i think this is a sign of very low self confidence/esteem in your abilities etc. My mom does this.
Posted by cockeyed on June 25, 2005, at 1:01:49
In reply to Pretending to be stupid, posted by Deneb on June 24, 2005, at 23:18:35
> I think I sometimes pretend to not know or understand certain things. I don't really know why I do this...or do I(?).
>
> I admit that I've done it here. Sometimes I ask stupid questions and pretend I don't know the answer...I think I did it a couple of times with medication questions. Why do I do this? Why do I want people to think I'm not very smart?
>
> Does anyone else do this? I think I do this a lot when interacting with people. Maybe I like making others feel better by making them think that they know more than I do. Maybe I don't like the responsibility that comes from knowing about things or understanding things. I can make more mistakes when people think I'm stupid. People don't expect much of me then....less pressure to perform.
>
> Denebhi, Deneb It's fun to be stupid or to pretend being stupid because ALL humans are really stupid but are too stupid to realize it. I dote on wallowing like a pig in my stupidity because it is fun. cockeyed.
Posted by Jen Star on June 25, 2005, at 18:51:21
In reply to Pretending to be stupid, posted by Deneb on June 24, 2005, at 23:18:35
I've actually done this too, although not here on Babble. I don't know why; maybe I too want the other person to feel "smart" and "learned" and just act the wide-eyed eager fool, drinking it all in.
Here's an example: I was working out at the gym. The woman on the treadmill next to me obviously thought I must have looked stupid about health-related matters (OK, yes, I'm out of shape NOW, but I used to be a distance runner and sprinter in high school!)
She started talking, then lecturing/elocuting about health and fitness and diet. She said, "There's a thing called the Glycic [sic] Indix [sic] that tells you, like, how much sugar are in things. You can see whether foods are going to cause diabetes or not."
Instead of saying, "You must mean the GLYCEMIC INDEX" I just said, "Oh, really? That sounds interesting!" and let her babble away.
I don't know why I didn't correct her. I actually didn't think SHE needed to feel smart. Maybe I just knew that she and I would never, ever, ever be friends, and that it wasn't worth my time & effort to even correct her? Maybe it was actually an INSULT on my part NOT to correct her, sort of saying that it wasn't even worth my time to correct her?
But other times I HAVE let kindly elderly ladies or shy people tell me something I already knew (maybe better than they did), and thanked them politely, and that was it.
Maybe I want to not seem TOO smart or too "smarty-pants Know it all" and therefore don't sometimes speak up even when I know something? Is this a woman thing or a "me" thing?
It's interesting...
JenStar
Posted by Jen Star on June 25, 2005, at 18:55:21
In reply to Re: Pretending to be stupid » Deneb, posted by Jen Star on June 25, 2005, at 18:51:21
actually I think it's a defensive mechanism. We know that to make friends we need to GIVE and also to GET advice. If you happen to know a lot of "stuff" you might not always need the advice from others, but maybe you want to take it to make them feel useful. Maybe you (we, me, etc.) feel the need to let the other person "help" us so they feel needed and therefore want to continue the friendship with us, b/c they feel useful. At least I think I feel that sometimes with people I'm not that close with. CLOSE friends and family, it's different. I'm opinionated and talk a LOT. But when I'm getting to know someone, I sometimes do it.
And I think there might be a bit of self-esteem issue in there too, like Lunesta suggested. I know I often have those self-esteem problems.
I think it's complicated!
But hey, you don't need to pretend to be dumb here. You can be as smart as you want, and as smart as you are! :) Your posts have never seemed dumb to me, ever.
JenStar
Posted by sleepygirl on June 25, 2005, at 23:57:03
In reply to Re: Pretending to be stupid » Deneb, posted by Jen Star on June 25, 2005, at 18:51:21
I do this too. I think sometimes I don't want to sound too aggressive or, like what was said before, like a "smarty pants" I don't do it here but in the interest of smooth relations with others I think I try to keep myself in check....I really don't understand why I do that
Posted by jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 10:38:56
In reply to Re: Pretending to be stupid » Deneb, posted by Jen Star on June 25, 2005, at 18:51:21
> I don't know why I didn't correct her. I actually didn't think SHE needed to feel smart. Maybe I just knew that she and I would never, ever, ever be friends, and that it wasn't worth my time & effort to even correct her? Maybe it was actually an INSULT on my part NOT to correct her, sort of saying that it wasn't even worth my time to correct her?
>
> But other times I HAVE let kindly elderly ladies or shy people tell me something I already knew (maybe better than they did), and thanked them politely, and that was it.
>
>
Hey Jen,You probably did it because you're polite, you don't feel like you need to correct ppl who you know are wrong. Besides, in the first example you gave, the woman probably wasn't worth the energy, she might have started an argument, and you might never see her again, or you can hope never to see her again so you might not want to waste your time/energy on her! ; ) I think you're just secure, and want to be polite by letting the small stuff go. Pick your battles, you know. It took me a long time to figure out it was just easier to smile, acknowledge, and let it go. (and then roll my eyes!)
Jazzy
Posted by jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 10:42:12
In reply to Pretending to be stupid, posted by Deneb on June 24, 2005, at 23:18:35
> I think I sometimes pretend to not know or understand certain things. I don't really know why I do this...or do I(?).
>
>
My teen-aged daughter does it because it's fun. She loves to be random, she loves to laugh. She's incredibly intelligent, but in her group of friends, who are all brains, she takes the tension off by being a ditz. She loves doing it, BUT sometimes it comes back to haunt her when someone she knows well, who should know how smart she really is, tells her she's so stupid.
Ah, guess there has to be a balance.Jazzy
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 10:51:02
In reply to Pretending to be stupid, posted by Deneb on June 24, 2005, at 23:18:35
i do it all the time. Sometimes its fun to get laughs out of people by playing a ditz....oh wait maybe Im not playing....nope i do it too. I think it does lift some responsibilty at times which can be good, Especially when you've been pulled over :-)
Posted by sunny10 on June 27, 2005, at 12:23:26
In reply to Re: Pretending to be stupid » Deneb, posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 10:51:02
I like to do it especially in the hardware store... nothing like getting expert customer service as a woman "in man land"...
I find that I am smart in some areas and really dumb in others.
I try to project a "middle of the road" intelligence.
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 27, 2005, at 16:41:17
In reply to Re: Pretending to be stupid, posted by sunny10 on June 27, 2005, at 12:23:26
HAHA Yes! and electonics too LoL!! I love doing it then. Hardware stores? Is that where they sell lightbulbs and those things that tighten loose things? :-P
Posted by AuntieMel on June 27, 2005, at 17:10:58
In reply to Re: Pretending to be stupid, posted by sunny10 on June 27, 2005, at 12:23:26
than them coming up to you in a hardware store with a 'can I help you little lady' attitude. One actually said those very words!
No thanks, I know this store better than you do, I'd guess.
Posted by sunny10 on June 28, 2005, at 11:03:01
In reply to Re: Pretending to be stupid » sunny10, posted by rainbowbrite on June 27, 2005, at 16:41:17
Posted by sunny10 on June 28, 2005, at 11:05:37
In reply to Re: actually nothing gripes me more » sunny10, posted by AuntieMel on June 27, 2005, at 17:10:58
I used to let that bother me until I realized that I could use it to my advantage.
It winds up saving me time (and sometimes money) to pretend I don't know what I'm talking about.
Nice to have someone "at my beck and call" instead of being there for everyone else all the time!!!
It's my little piece of altruism, too; I let them have their little moment in the sun...
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 28, 2005, at 18:40:19
In reply to Re: I think the proper term is thingy (nm) » rainbowbrite, posted by sunny10 on June 28, 2005, at 11:03:01
This is the end of the thread.
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