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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Chrispy_85 on October 20, 2005, at 13:46:48
i've got a problem that's been eating away at me for quite some time now and i just don't know what i should do. i need help. to emphasize the full magnatude of ti though, i've got to tell a bit of a long story...
ok, so before the story, i'll tell my problem. i'm now 20 years old, and i just think that's i need to be out on my own now. but i feel if i do, i will have enormous guilt. here's why...ok, so i live with just my mom...parents divorced 9 years ago. my mom has had a really, really crappy life almost right from the beginning. when she was 11, her mother died after battling breast cancer for 5 years and nobody told her or her younger brothers that she was dying until about a week before she died. none of them were allowed to go to the funeral. so not only had her mother died, but she fealt unbelieveable guilt because when her mom was sick and in bed all the time my mom just thought she was lazy and was always angry at her. so then she got separated from her father as he couldn't afford to support any of his children because he had spent all of his money on medical expenses over the years leading up to my mom's death. so she moved from family to family, school to school for her entire adolesence. since her early 20's, she has suffered from severe depression and has tried to kill herself once. she never went to college or university and as a result struggles just to keep the house we live in and rents out our basement. i pay her rent as well, but i just can't afford to give her as much as i'd like to. When my father left she was devastated and hasn't really gotten over it to this day. and i love her with all my heart but at the same time, i just feel like i need to get on with my life. but i know that she'd just feel awful when i leave because she understandably has huge abandonment issues. please anyone...i would value any suggestions that you could give because i truely feel like i'm in a catch 22 here. thanks for listening, it's always appreciated.
chris
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 20, 2005, at 14:44:48
In reply to I need some input on this....PLEASE ANYBODY!, posted by Chrispy_85 on October 20, 2005, at 13:46:48
Im sorry about your mom, that sounds awful. I understand the guilt, guilt is horrible but you can't let it run yourlife. that is what you need to believe to be able to get on with your life.
Maybe start talking about living on your own first. then feel her out. Tell her you are excited about the idea of being responsible for yourself etc. Say it will be a good learning experience etc. But then also suggest that you find a place close by to her, that way you can still see her often. Emphasize the importance of your relationship with her (if it seems appropritae) Make her feel special while preparing her.
Hope that was of some help.
Good luck!
Posted by wildcard on October 20, 2005, at 15:22:28
In reply to I need some input on this....PLEASE ANYBODY!, posted by Chrispy_85 on October 20, 2005, at 13:46:48
(((((Chris))))) You are in a rotten situation and I know EXACTLY how you feel except my mom was manipulative. Have you sat down with your mom and talked about you leaving? Has it been brought up at any time? The only advice I can give you is to ask your mom if ya'll could sit and talk. Then talk with her about your moving but maybe approach it that you feel she has done her part as a mom and it is time for you to be a man/woman and make your own way? Just an option..
Posted by crazy teresa on October 20, 2005, at 20:11:00
In reply to Re: I need some input on this....PLEASE ANYBODY! » Chrispy_85, posted by wildcard on October 20, 2005, at 15:22:28
Go far away. If she's really going to hang on, it'll be harder for her to do from a distance.
Posted by Phillipa on October 20, 2005, at 21:03:17
In reply to Re: I need some input on this....PLEASE ANYBODY! » wildcard, posted by crazy teresa on October 20, 2005, at 20:11:00
Stay close for awhile. And phone her regularily. Then keep putting distance between you as she gets used to it. See if you can get her interested in a class of some sort or a community college to get a degree. Fondly, Phillipa
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