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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 18:50:09
My daughter had a birthday party Sat. night. It was a boy/girl dance party. I made sure that all of the music was clean.
A pastor's wife, who happens to be the principal of my daughter's school did not let him come to the party because she was afraid the music would be bad.
WELL!!!! for her son's party, the grown-ups went into the house while the kids had the dance party. The songs at his party were uncut. When a parent would walk in, they would change the song.Apparently she things her son does no wrong, if they felt like a parent did not have to be with them at all times.
At my daughter's party, I had 5 grown-ups at all times. hum. I dont think I like the pastor's wife. I hate this feeling.
Posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 19:04:20
In reply to The nerve..., posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 18:50:09
Posted by happyflower on November 6, 2005, at 19:13:21
In reply to The nerve..., posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 18:50:09
Hi Lynn!
I just hate the double standards, don't you? Some people think they are such better parents than anyone else but usually they are some of the worse. All I know is the kids I knew growing up that were pastor's kids, they were some of the most wild kids of all.
Pesonally I wouldn't let it bother you, unless it is bothering your daughter. I think mixed parties NEED supervision at all times. Heck I remember when I was a teenager, I .... um... well some parents are so nieve! LOL Good for you for doing a great job as a parent. :)
Posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 19:19:58
In reply to The nerve..., posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 18:50:09
Thanks for responding. It didn't really bother my daughter. She is cool. I am the one with OCD.
My feelings are really hurt. My daughter had a blast though. She will be 13. It was her big birthday party. 13 on the 13th.
Posted by happyflower on November 6, 2005, at 19:23:35
In reply to Re: Oops, I just saw all the typos...., posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 19:19:58
That is great that your daugher had a good time. 13 is a great age I think! I think since you can't control what others think, just try to let it go. ( I know easier said than done) I am sure many of the parents if they knew would think the same thing as you. :) Great job, mom!
Posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 19:28:46
In reply to Re: Oops, I just saw all the typos...., posted by happyflower on November 6, 2005, at 19:23:35
I have such a problem with worrying about what other people think. I wish I could just let things go.
I usually go to the other extreme. Like now I feel bad that I dont like the lady. I dont like these yuck feelings.
My first appt. ever with a p doc is November 21st. I cant wait. I hope he has a lot of time as I have a lot of issues. lol
Posted by happyflower on November 6, 2005, at 19:36:49
In reply to Re: Thanks, :-) You are sweet.., posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 19:28:46
Thanks :) Good luck on your appointment! I started therapy this Jan, and it has changed my life so much, I didn't used to be a happyflower. I guess I should change my name to glowing flower instead, because that is how happy I am feeling. :)
I am just glad to hear parents taking an active role in parenting. It was refreshing to hear your story.
The important thing is that your daughter had a great time, so I would try to think about her smile and how she will always remember her nice mom who gave her a great party. 10 years from now, that is all you will remember, not that snotty women! LOL :)
Posted by wildcard on November 6, 2005, at 19:46:40
In reply to The nerve..., posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 18:50:09
Hey Lynn~I can see why you are upset but I would try really hard not to let it continue to bother you. Hold your head high on your parenting and let your daughters show what a great job you did as they get older. There will always be *those* people that act as they are somehow better than you but I would take a deep breath and try to let it role off my shoulders. She obviously isn't a good judge of character. Just think, how will this affect me in a year? PS~You could always let the air out of her tires...lol J/K
Posted by alexandra_k on November 6, 2005, at 20:25:25
In reply to The nerve..., posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 18:50:09
I would say something to her...
Maybe not in person (because I know I would find it hard to not go off at her...)
I wouldn't mention the 'double standards' bit...
I'd just say that you were disapointed he wasn't allowed to come...
And that young people and their music today...
And that is something that concerns you...
And about how you took extra special care to screen appropriate music...And that everybody had a terrific time and there weren't any problems.
Maybe... She will think twice...
Check her facts before saying 'no' next time...
Posted by Phillipa on November 6, 2005, at 20:36:39
In reply to The nerve..., posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 18:50:09
Sounds like a hypocrite to me. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by fairywings on November 7, 2005, at 13:00:46
In reply to The nerve..., posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 18:50:09
i've seen this so many times before, ppl who think they're holier, and yet their kids are so desparate for affection, or run totally wild when the parents are out of earshot. i think i wouldn't like the pastor's wife either, and what would you think about finding a church where the pastor and his wife are real, down to earth ppl who actually know the values of their members, like them, and trust them? i'd take my business elsewhere, but i'm fickle that way.
kids that age are going to hear music that's not so easy on our ears. like it or not, it will happen. we have to pick our battles so the kids will talk to us, respect us, self monitor themselves when we're not there, and learn to grow into healthy adults. I listened to an Eminem uncut CD the other day, and it was ..... eh hem..... enlightening? The lyrics were just too much for me, and I like teen pop, rap, R&B - the things my kids listen to. But, there's another culture out there, we can hide our heads in the sand, or know what's going on.
You're a good mom, don't let her bother you.
fw
Posted by Tamar on November 7, 2005, at 14:06:44
In reply to The nerve..., posted by lynn971 on November 6, 2005, at 18:50:09
I’m glad your daughter had a great time and I feel a bit sorry for the pastor’s son who wasn’t allowed to go…
I reckon you shouldn’t take it too personally. Maybe she’s a bit paranoid about ‘bad’ music and keeps her son home from lots of parties. I guess that’s the sort of thing that leads to pastors’ children having a reputation for being wild…
You don’t *have* to like the pastor’s wife. If she doesn’t realise that you have the sense to censor teenage party music, then she obviously doesn’t know you very well. She could always have phoned you to ask about the music if she was concerned. I can see why you’d feel annoyed at her. But disliking her doesn’t make you a bad person. If she’s prepared to make judgements about you without knowing you very well and without contacting you, then I reckon your reaction is reasonable. And we don’t have to like everyone in this world… it’s just not possible. As long as you can be polite to her when you have to speak to her, that’s really all that common decency requires.
Just my two cents.
Tamar
Posted by TexasChic on November 7, 2005, at 18:32:50
In reply to Re: The nerve... » lynn971, posted by Tamar on November 7, 2005, at 14:06:44
I'm so glad the party went well! I bet it was alot of fun for the kids.
As for the pastor's wife, well, let's just say I've dealt with this type many times over the years. It's the whole 'holier than thou' attitude. It makes me think of that story about the guy trying to get a spec out of another guy's eye, all the while he has a pole in his (or something like that). People like this usually have an insecurity complex. They have to put others down just to make themselves feel good. It's kind of sad actually. Keep in mind that you're more mature than she is. Your decisions concerning the party were carefully thought out, there's no need to let this insecure person make you question it. She's just trying to get a rise out of you. Don't give her the satifaction.-T
Posted by lynn971 on November 7, 2005, at 19:24:02
In reply to Re: The nerve..., posted by TexasChic on November 7, 2005, at 18:32:50
Fortunately for me, that is not my pastor. They just run the little christian school in which my children attend. He does have a church too.
Today I went to the little christian book store to vent to a sweet older lady (70 years old).
I vented and I was very vocal about my feelings.
She goes to my church and she is also a minister. She prayed with me and I feel much better now.
You guys are so sweet. I love you guys.I saw the pastor's wife today and I couldnt even tell her hi. My thoughts were, " I dare you to talk to me." This was before I went to the bookstore. Thanks.
Posted by 10derHeart on November 7, 2005, at 20:18:09
In reply to Re: You guys are so sweet (tears), posted by lynn971 on November 7, 2005, at 19:24:02
That lady sounds just lovely, lynn. What a great move to talk and pray with her.
I'm glad that you feel better.
I agree with everyone else who posted to you. That mom sounds like she jumped to some pretty big conclusions and made assumptions for no reason. Never forget that kind of behavior is so NOT about you. We can hope the pastor's wife has (or will) learn something from this.
I would be proud and pleased for any child of mine to attend a party at your house. Keep up the good work, Mom....
Posted by fairywings on November 7, 2005, at 21:06:33
In reply to Re: You guys are so sweet (tears), posted by lynn971 on November 7, 2005, at 19:24:02
Yeah, it's good you got to pray with someone b4 you have to talk to that woman. Were most of the kids at the party friends from school? If so, you'd think she'd think more of the kids and parents than to judge. Maybe she should have asked instead of jumping to conclusions. Hope the words come to you if you have to talk to her.
fw
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