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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Voce on November 22, 2005, at 1:00:33
are loving and kind, through and through.
My fiance is one of those men, he is just so wonderful to me, and kind and loving and gentle, but then I get scared and feel so vulnerable sometimes. Like maybe one day he'll get tired of weak, needy, vulnerable me.
I am able to be strong for him, for US, most of the time, but then sometimes the fear takes over.
I am afraid. I am afraid of being a woman, and how unsafe I really am. I am just so shaken at this moment in time. Do men know how scared women are, a lot of their lives? And how we are often scared of them? It is not safe to be a woman.
I wish I could wear armor, and not have anyone get through, and just be invisible, not feminine, not anything but steel. Just to be invisible.
Posted by ClearSkies on November 22, 2005, at 7:50:00
In reply to Please tell me there are men who....(trigger), posted by Voce on November 22, 2005, at 1:00:33
Damos, Damos, Damos.
A completely compassionate man.ClearSkies
Posted by sunny10 on November 22, 2005, at 8:17:57
In reply to Re: Please tell me there are men who....(trigger) » Voce, posted by ClearSkies on November 22, 2005, at 7:50:00
you might even say that he's passionately compassionate...
And let's no forget caraher, ed_uk, rjlockhart, Toph, and LarryHoover...
And if I've forgotten anyone, please blame it on the bad memory from anti-depressants...
Posted by spriggy on November 22, 2005, at 13:21:03
In reply to Re: Please tell me there are men who....(trigger) (nm), posted by allisonross on November 22, 2005, at 10:17:49
Yes, they exist.
I do understand how you feel. I was abused as a child, my father had several affairs on my mother and left us a few times, then was I in a relationship as a teen that led to me having a son- shortly after, my son's father up and left (never heard from him again).
That left me wondering, " are all men like this?"
Then, I spent one year of my life deliberately having NO men in my life (no dating, relationships, etc..) and just spent that year in prayer and getting to know the GREATEST man... God! After I figured out that He would never fail me, I prayed He would bring me a husband to love me and my son.
We've been married now over 7 years (together 8) and I can assure you, he is just as kind and gentle and caring as he was the first day.
One verse that really spoke to me when I was having such a tough time with this same thing is in Corinthians where it says, " Love always trusts."
I had to make a conscious choice to trust my husband because I loved him. I would trust him until the day he gave me a good/substantial reason to NOT trust him.
He has never done that.
Have hope! I'm sure he feels blessed to have you!
Posted by Toph on November 22, 2005, at 17:42:01
In reply to Re: Please tell me there are men who....(trigger), posted by sunny10 on November 22, 2005, at 8:17:57
Sunny that means so much to me that you included me in that group. But, while I care a lot about others, I have been depressed most of my life, and I can be weak and selfish and stupid and jealous and mean. I am lucky that my illness has not ruined my ability to love my family and others or prevented me from trying to repair all the stuff I wreck.
Posted by Damos on November 22, 2005, at 22:19:25
In reply to Re: Please tell me there are men who....(trigger) » Voce, posted by ClearSkies on November 22, 2005, at 7:50:00
ClearSkies, Sunny, thank you. Gee, it's such an honour to be included in that group, and let's not forget Kid, Declan and Nick either among others. That you could think that of me means so much to me.
Like my mate Toph I too can be selfish, stupid, jealous and mean with the best of them, and a whole lot more besides. Incredibly so at times.
Thank you (and so many of my friends here), you have helped me grow so much, and it is who you are that allows the best of me to be.
Posted by Phillipa on November 22, 2005, at 23:43:43
In reply to Re: Please tell me there are men who....(trigger) » ClearSkies, posted by Damos on November 22, 2005, at 22:19:25
Can we add Declan to the list? Oh and Ace of course. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by sunny10 on November 23, 2005, at 7:52:16
In reply to Re: Please tell me there are men who....(trigger) » sunny10, posted by Toph on November 22, 2005, at 17:42:01
> Sunny that means so much to me that you included me in that group. But, while I care a lot about others, I have been depressed most of my life, and I can be weak and selfish and stupid and jealous and mean. I am lucky that my illness has not ruined my ability to love my family and others or prevented me from trying to repair all the stuff I wreck.
Just for your imformation, we can all be "weak and selfish and stupid and jealous and mean" all the time... But the intention (and the later lamentation when we screw up) tell the real heart of the person.
And you have a great heart.
Posted by sunny10 on November 23, 2005, at 7:55:18
In reply to Re: Please tell me there are men who....(trigger) » Damos, posted by Phillipa on November 22, 2005, at 23:43:43
I can't think of a single man on Babble that I would exclude from my "thanks for being you and being there for us women"...
Please, I hope no one feels left out just because I have a terrible memory...
Posted by caraher on November 23, 2005, at 8:10:02
In reply to Re: Please tell me there are men who....(trigger), posted by sunny10 on November 22, 2005, at 8:17:57
thanks sunny... I'm nothing special but it was nice to see myself mentioned in your post with some other fine Babblers
Posted by Voce on November 23, 2005, at 10:35:26
In reply to Re: All men on Babble, posted by sunny10 on November 23, 2005, at 7:55:18
I forgot how many Babble guys we have on here. I have always found them to be caring and compassionate. It's only IRL that I begin to feel scared and vulnerable.
Perhaps this getting married thing, as wonderful as it is, is scaring me. I have never been anyone's "main girl" before, and the prospect is exciting and terrifying at the same time.
Posted by Damos on November 23, 2005, at 15:42:11
In reply to It's true, posted by Voce on November 23, 2005, at 10:35:26
> It's only IRL that I begin to feel scared and vulnerable.
I don't think you're on your own there Voce, though I'm getting better - slowly
> Perhaps this getting married thing, as wonderful as it is, is scaring me. I have never been anyone's "main girl" before, and the prospect is exciting and terrifying at the same time.Try to relax and enjoy it Voce. I think he's a lucky, lucky fella to be your "main man". Gotta admit though that the though of being anyones main anything is kinda scary to me too. Just remember that one of the things that makes him happiest is all the things your love alows him to be and feel.
Wishing you both much happiness.
Posted by sunny10 on November 25, 2005, at 8:19:01
In reply to Re: Please tell me there are men who....(trigger) » sunny10, posted by caraher on November 23, 2005, at 8:10:02
of course you're special!
Don't be so modest...
Posted by Shortelise on November 26, 2005, at 20:39:49
In reply to Please tell me there are men who....(trigger), posted by Voce on November 22, 2005, at 1:00:33
I have been married to a good man for almost 25 years. No matter what happens, we love each other. And stuff has happened, things have been difficult at times, but we love each other. He loves me as a woman, but the basis of it all is our friendship. He's my best friend. Always has been, or, at least since I met him 27 years ago he has been.
Sometimes I lose faith in everything, the floor falls out from beneath me, and nothing, but nothing feels safe, solid, sure. When I'm lucky, which is more and more now, I think to myself, ah, this is another one of those bad times, and I need to be calm and gentle with myself and get through it.
(voce) I'm so sorry.
ShortE
Posted by Voce on November 26, 2005, at 22:53:45
In reply to Re: Please tell me there are men who....(trigger), posted by spriggy on November 22, 2005, at 13:21:03
Thank you Spriggy.
I have trouble trusting God by the same account. Calling God "father" is really conflict ridden. And I am angry at him for creating in me a huge need for fatherly affirmation, and then yanking different father figures out of my life.
My fiance gets all of that projected onto him sometimes, poor man.
I like what you said about trusting your husband until he gives you a reason NOT to trust him.
But I sometimes think I am looking for reasons not to trust him. Like, he doesn't call when he says he will, or forgets to do things that I request, or can't remember facts that are important to me. That's dumb.........he's not perfect. However, we've never had a breach of trust so huge that it took days to get over.
I am luckier than most. But I will never get another dad, and my fiance will never fill that need, nor should he.
Posted by Voce on November 26, 2005, at 22:55:45
In reply to Re: It's true » Voce, posted by Damos on November 23, 2005, at 15:42:11
<I think he's a lucky, lucky fella to be your "main man".>
Thanks Damos. That's sweet!!!
You're a great guy, very sensitive and insightful. Thanks for being here.
Voce
Posted by Voce on November 26, 2005, at 22:59:01
In reply to Re: Please tell me there are men who....(trigger) » Voce, posted by Shortelise on November 26, 2005, at 20:39:49
<Sometimes I lose faith in everything, the floor falls out from beneath me, and nothing, but nothing feels safe, solid, sure. When I'm lucky, which is more and more now, I think to myself, ah, this is another one of those bad times, and I need to be calm and gentle with myself and get through it.>
Thanks, ShortE. That's a great way to put it. It's not the end of the world when I feel this way....the good and safe feelings will come back again.
I am glad you feel lucky more and more. We are lucky to have you.
Voce
Posted by Voce on November 27, 2005, at 2:02:03
In reply to Re: Please tell me there are men who....(trigger), posted by Voce on November 26, 2005, at 22:59:01
This is the end of the thread.
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