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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by TylerJ on April 1, 2006, at 19:50:13
In reply to Re: I'm offering my advice, Phillipa, posted by greywolf on April 1, 2006, at 9:26:24
> I think txtoolgirl has stated her point too strongly, but it is not entirely invalid. Matt is obviously dealing with some tough circumstances, but I'm not sure how med-related many of his threads are.
>
> Perhaps a more pertinent observation would be that dr-bob.org provides other boards that are more appropriate for real-time discussions of mood swings, fights with family members, etc. Certainly, sometimes those issues are caught up in finding the right med to control, improve, or eliminate a personal response to the situation, but I'm not sure that's the point of many of his threads.
>
> That being said, IMHO the way to handle this is to carefully provide support while refraining from comments that might exacerbate his situation. For instance, it's difficult for me to comfortably comment on someone else's personal conflicts with others, so I generally limit myself to the somewhat trite advice that maybe they should remove themselves from the situation until it calms down. I'll leave more in-depth involvement to others, and the appropriateness of threads to the good judgment of moderators.Well said greywolf. It's obvious the young man needs help, much more than I can offer.
Tyler
Posted by willyee on April 1, 2006, at 19:50:14
In reply to Re: I'm offering my advice, Phillipa » greywolf, posted by TylerJ on April 1, 2006, at 9:53:25
Yep,i agree its a lot of twists and turns he has,and it does seem as if he really requires much more than this group.I cant keep up with where he even is anymore.
Best wishes though regardless its obvious hes going through some extremly rough times.
Posted by Glydin on April 1, 2006, at 19:50:15
In reply to I'm offering my advice, Phillipa, posted by txtoolgirl on March 31, 2006, at 21:44:02
I think a number of us have been concerned over time - actually about a year and a half or so - regarding the postings referred. A number of folks have attempted really good advice and that is what this place is about.
Regardless of the validity of all that has been posted by the poster, there are obvious problems and issues that need dealing with. If all of what the poster posted is invalid, well, that's a problem in and of itself. I think most of the posters to the board are aware of it's limitations AND most of us find over time that sometimes things are not always the way they are protrayed. That being said, intentions, when support and compassion are shown, are generally good as far as I can tell over the four years I've posted here.
Posted by 10derHeart on April 1, 2006, at 19:50:16
In reply to I'm offering my advice, Phillipa, posted by txtoolgirl on March 31, 2006, at 21:44:02
> There is no validity to anything this young man post, period.
...as ClearSkies requested of you on the Social board. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060331/msgs/627524.html
...and please don't post the same post to two different boards. Thanks.
-- 10derHeart (*not* acting as deputy for Dr. Bob)
Posted by wildcard11 on April 1, 2006, at 20:00:52
In reply to Re: I'm offering my advice, Phillipa, posted by greywolf on April 1, 2006, at 9:26:24
for those that may have no clue about this whole thing...the poster must feel bad enough...
Posted by wildcard11 on April 1, 2006, at 20:04:22
In reply to I'm offering my advice, Phillipa, posted by txtoolgirl on March 31, 2006, at 21:44:02
this person so WHY not talk to them, not the board re: personal issues this poster may not want revealed *if* what you say is true! if it is true, it wld. be more helpful if you handled it on a private basis~not like this. i see *validity* in this posters posts already just by you posting this...we take up for our own here.
Posted by wildcard11 on April 1, 2006, at 20:05:59
In reply to Please be civil » txtoolgirl, posted by ClearSkies on April 1, 2006, at 14:26:12
since the PBC did not stop what this poster is saying??????
Posted by gardenergirl on April 1, 2006, at 20:15:57
In reply to could a deputy step in » ClearSkies, posted by wildcard11 on April 1, 2006, at 20:05:59
The same thread was also posted on the meds board. I consolidated that thread to here. The posts are not new, just moved.
Sorry for any confusion.
gg
Posted by Phillipa on April 1, 2006, at 20:29:38
In reply to please be civil and... » txtoolgirl, posted by 10derHeart on April 1, 2006, at 17:56:49
What I'm not quite sure of is how can someone else can post the feelings of another poster without being in very close contact with them? And all said I will continue to support any poster that needs to be supported to the best of my ability not knowing the real circumstances I can only go on what they post. I am not a judgemental person. But at what age is a person responsible for themselves? Just curious. Love Phillipa
Posted by TylerJ on April 1, 2006, at 22:27:43
In reply to Re: please be civil and..., posted by Phillipa on April 1, 2006, at 19:54:02
> What I'm not quite sure of is how can someone else can post the feelings of another poster without being in very close contact with them? And all said I will continue to support any poster that needs to be supported to the best of my ability not knowing the real circumstances I can only go on what they post. I am not a judgemental person. But at what age is a person responsible for themselves? Just curious. Love Phillipa
Good job Phillipa, I totally agree.Tyler
Posted by verne on April 1, 2006, at 22:34:03
In reply to Re: I'm offering my advice, Phillipa, posted by Glydin on April 1, 2006, at 16:25:52
i didn't know the history. I work so much in theory, compounded by communicating through this artifical conveyance. I'm so blinded and hurt myself, I just can't see a way to help this young man in real terms.
I just hope someone can, get through, help him, in the real world. This, babble, ain't where it's at.
Posted by Phillipa on April 1, 2006, at 22:40:59
In reply to Long Way from the Yellow Brick Road » Glydin, posted by verne on April 1, 2006, at 22:34:03
To all off you I appreciate your support but I am not hurt at all. Contrary I think a clarification is needed as to when a person is responsible for themselves and doen't have to have permission to leave home, get a job, see a doc of their own choice and follow the doctor's orders. I worked a while in psych and am very familiar with situations of this type. In real life a social worker would be consulsted. Love Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart on April 1, 2006, at 22:42:05
In reply to Re: please be civil and..., posted by Phillipa on April 1, 2006, at 19:54:02
"Drama" huh..... you all call this DRAMA!
Do you understand that my mother has mania rages, she has before, i have thrown lamps, knocked over dressers, i've said "YOU DID THIS TO ME, YOU.... EVERYDAY YOU SCREAM AND YELL WHAT F*CK ELSE DO YOU WANT, YOU SENT ME TO MENTAL HOSPITAL, WHAT ELSE ARE GOING TO DO" "ILL PUT YOU BACK" she scremed at me when i was 17 when i just had a breakout and totalled my room. The bed was knocked over, dresser, psyically fought my stepdad, punched my fist one time through a window? that was a while back.... im like that anymore, right now im just trying to hold on, stay calm and find a way to serenity.....i have had enough of this... its too much fighting. I stopped it, it just mentally makes you feel horrid.
I have gone manic, i one time walked out and walked all the way to fort worth looking for a job. 20miles i got sunburned severely.
You guys dont get it, my mom can be very extreme, and then totally go back to normal. I dont want to distort anything. This is how it is. Do you understand.
And to those who said said "drama" excuse me, you are wrong, how about a week or a month with my carol.
Phillipa is not my mother, she is someone that i met over the psychobabble. My mom hardly ever reads here because she doesnt use the computer.
I hope this strignts things out.
Im 18, fixing to be 19. Adult.
Thats why i did not post this when i was 17 because i just wanted to put it off. This is when it happened around 17.
I hope this makes things ok.
Matt
Posted by Phillipa on April 1, 2006, at 22:51:54
In reply to Re: why dont you guys just come here and live., posted by rjlockhart on April 1, 2006, at 22:42:05
Matt I think you have matured quite a bit from when you were seventeen. To prove your point make sure you stay calm and if you have a problem there is always help available in real life and here . Although right how the real life is the issue. You can call a crisis line, a hospital, or anyone else you feel can be helpful to you. Someone you trust. And you can choose to live whereever you want with who ever you want. Just make sure they are a good person. love Mom 2 Phillipa
Posted by verne on April 1, 2006, at 23:53:45
In reply to Re: why dont you guys just come here and live. » rjlockhart, posted by Phillipa on April 1, 2006, at 22:51:54
help online seems empty
virtual hugs, almost painful.final farewells of love after every empty goodbye: how should we say, meaningless.
Posted by Declan on April 2, 2006, at 5:24:37
In reply to Re: why dont you guys just come here and live. » rjlockhart, posted by Phillipa on April 1, 2006, at 22:51:54
Matt's been posting here for ages and (true or false) has made this a home in which (I think he said) he has grown. I dunno how much enabling goes on here; we're just talking to each other.
Declan
Posted by wildcard11 on April 2, 2006, at 8:01:07
In reply to Re: why dont you guys just come here and live., posted by rjlockhart on April 1, 2006, at 22:42:05
~i actually read this at 3:42 am and have been pondering what you are going through as best i can. i have been in a very similar situation as you and had to make a decision at 13 to either continue to live in that atmosphere and let it affect me or get out. i got out. yes, there were many hard times being so young but if i can do it, so can you. you are of legal age so what i wld. suggest is to sit down and truly think about what would be best for you and follow through. i think the situation you are in would upset anyone emotionally. (((matt)))
Posted by Glydin on April 2, 2006, at 9:25:54
In reply to Long Way from the Yellow Brick Road » Glydin, posted by verne on April 1, 2006, at 22:34:03
I totally agree. I know folks have offered alot of advice for real life help to any number of folks in distress. Babble is Babble, it's a public board with all the good things and pitfalls of a public board. I feel it's an example of one of the ways technology is over paced with our ability to really know how to utilize it. I have been here many years and I have been frustrated at times at the limitations but still think intentions are generally good in most folks. You are very correct (if I'm hearing you correctly) in there's really nothing that can be of any REAL help and there are times it feels rather an empty and hollow repeat over and over. AND some folks do think the impact on others is greater than it actually is. I think folks just want to believe there is peer acceptance and compassion...... that's not altogether a bad thing.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 2, 2006, at 9:36:06
In reply to Re: Long Way from the Yellow Brick Road » verne, posted by Glydin on April 2, 2006, at 9:25:54
> You are very correct (if I'm hearing you correctly) in there's really nothing that can be of any REAL help and there are times it feels rather an empty and hollow repeat over and over.
Maybe I'm reading this as more of an absolute statement than it really is. But I just had to respond.
There have been multiple times when I was hurting over something, feeling completely overwhelmed, lost, lonely, not understood, not validated--you name it. I've been able to post here knowing, just knowing that the community will respond in a way that's comforting, healing, caring, and helpful. In fact, there are times I come here first, because I just KNOW that my needs will get met, whereas in real life, the people I can turn to have their own needs or just do not understand.
The support and caring I get from Babble is real to me. I feel it. I am moved by it. Now, those moments are not all of Babble. I think it would be too intense if so. But I am very grateful for the friendships I've made and the support and caring I get from this community.
I wish this feeling for everyone, wherever they find it.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on April 2, 2006, at 9:41:01
In reply to Re: why dont you guys just come here and live., posted by rjlockhart on April 1, 2006, at 22:42:05
Matt,
It sounds really really difficult at home for you. You're right, we don't know exactly what it's like for you. But we can hear how you feel about it, and you express that pretty clearly.You're in a very tough situation. I know that turning 18 doesn't magically give someone skills, resources, confidence, etc. that they may not have had the day before they became of age. About all that changes is your legal status.
I just had another thought about what might help your situation, and maybe you've already tried it. But I wonder if family therapy might help. Clearly your relationship with your mother is a source of stress. It's likely true for her, too. Maybe a good family therapist could help everyone to interact in a more calm and respectful manner and help all of you to learn alternatives for behavior when things escalate.
Just a thought.....
Thinking of you.
gg
Posted by Glydin on April 2, 2006, at 12:19:13
In reply to Re: Long Way from the Yellow Brick Road » Glydin, posted by gardenergirl on April 2, 2006, at 9:36:06
I am being misunderstood.
Yes, this place can be very caring and supportive place and alot of good advice, compassion, etc... is given here. It is one's choice if they choose to heed the advice or accept the kindness or not.
I will still contend that FOR ME, online support is good but has it's limits. I have to give myself those boundaries as, I admit, I have been burned a few times because I got too involved. I try to see it for what it is for me. That's all I'm saying.
Posted by Phillipa on April 2, 2006, at 13:54:35
In reply to Re: Long Way from the Yellow Brick Road » Glydin, posted by gardenergirl on April 2, 2006, at 9:36:06
I think Glydin is trying to say that there is a limit to what we can do in real life to help someone. When on the board we try and help others with our support. And we offer good advise. One of them being to get additional support in real life. Babble is a wonderful place. And everyone helps me all the time. Love Phillipa
Posted by Glydin on April 2, 2006, at 14:33:58
In reply to Re: Helping Others Here » gardenergirl, posted by Phillipa on April 2, 2006, at 13:54:35
> I think Glydin is trying to say that there is a limit to what we can do in real life to help someone.
Very true, thank you.
I also wish my post would be looked at in the context of the post I was responding to. I'm not the only one with a "different" opinion. I feel a little picked on.
Posted by Racer on April 2, 2006, at 15:01:41
In reply to I do have some advice, Phillipa, posted by txtoolgirl on March 31, 2006, at 22:00:13
I hope you don't mind my asking, but what prompted you to write this? It sounds as though you have a personal stake in this of some sort, although if so that's not quite clear in your post. Do you know the teenage poster in question in real life? If so, are you just upset by what seem to be contradictions between what you've observed IRL versus what he writes here? I just wonder why you felt the need to post this here.
Babble is an online forum where people can come for education and support from our peers. Obviously, since some of us are middle aged, "peers" is a relative term, but let's let that pass, huh? :-) It can't take the place of seeing a real life therapist or psychiatrist, but it can offer additional support, and there's value in that. There will never be any way that most of us can know whether another poster is "real" or not, nor how much objective reality there is to any information posted here.
In the case of the poster to whom I believe you are referring, my middle aged eyes say that his posts reflect his subjective reality. Does that mean I think what he posts issome sort of absolute objective reality? Certainly not. I think it bears the same relation to objective reality that my perspective did when I was 18. But I do think his posts show a young man in pain, who apparently is not receiving adequate real life support, for whatever reason. I can't see that removing what is apparently a helpful support system from him will benefit him in any way. I do think finding real life support would benefit him enormously, but I can't see that removing this would provide that to him.
What's more, Phillipa has posted to this young man out of genuine and sincere desire to be supportive. Writing this to her doesn't seem a way of increasing the peace and goodwill in the world, it seems more likely to result in Phillipa feeling bad, which is neither educational nor supportive.
So, I'm curious. What was your purpose in writing this post?
Posted by txtoolgirl on April 2, 2006, at 18:29:52
In reply to Re: please be civil and..., posted by Phillipa on April 1, 2006, at 19:54:02
Just passing through
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