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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Michael83 on May 19, 2006, at 0:59:02
Has anyone thought of themselves destined to live an unique life, but then decided they just wanted to be normal?
I've always thought of myself as destined to be alone (not with a girl) or just moving from one girl to another and never committing (I'm 22 btw). I've also aspired to be an entrepreneur never needing college or a job.
But lately I'm starting to care less about money and maybe I do want a wife and even *gasp* a family.
It's not that I'm some "player" who goes out and does one night stands.
I just feel weird being thought of as a "family person." It's just foreign to me.
I've also for a long time had an obsession about money. I've always wanted to be rich, no matter what. And I don't know what it would be like to live your entire life just a normal person (although I am normal now, I'm not rich, just trying to become so).
What would it be like to live and die just like everyone else? A normal grave, a normal house, a normal family.
I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just scared of it, but it's also somewhat appealing to me.
What should I do to overcome this unfamilarity with normalcy? It sort of scares me.
Anyone ever just change their life plans to settle down and be normal? I think I might want that. And if I happen to get it, I want to be prepared to accept it. It's just foreign to me because I've never thought of myself like that.
These are just 1am random thoughts.
Posted by llrrrpp on May 19, 2006, at 8:13:55
In reply to Big changes to your life plan - anyone done it?, posted by Michael83 on May 19, 2006, at 0:59:02
> Has anyone thought of themselves destined to live an unique life, but then decided they just wanted to be normal?
Sure, I want to be unique in some ways, and completely normal in others. I think that being unique is normal. There's always variability in any population, and the variability is what keeps our species alive.
> I've always thought of myself as destined to be alone (not with a girl) or just moving from one girl to another and never committing (I'm 22 btw). I've also aspired to be an entrepreneur never needing college or a job.
These are ways in which you conceptualize your "Self".
> But lately I'm starting to care less about money and maybe I do want a wife and even *gasp* a family.
I think it's natural and healthy to reevaluate what you want out of life every so often. The "Self" is not carved in stone. Things happen, and we adapt. We even adapt if it means changing our big life plans. Did something specific happen to you that made you change your plans, your goals, or your motivations? It may also be a cumulative thing, where you learn small things here and there, and at the end you look back, and the new body of knowledge and experiences are talking to you: "time to try something new"
> It's not that I'm some "player" who goes out and does one night stands.
>
> I just feel weird being thought of as a "family person." It's just foreign to me.Well, part of you is ready, and part of you isn't. Which part has the most sensible motivations? which part is yelling the loudest? I got married when I was your age, and it took about 3 years before I felt like I was one of the "married folks". I had an idea of what the category "married folks" meant, and I didn't seem like a good member of that category. It took some time for me to change the category (a couple of my friends got married in those 3 years) and for me to change who I thought my "Self" was. That still doesn't mean it's a perfect fit, but no one is a perfect fit into a specific category.
> I've also for a long time had an obsession about money. I've always wanted to be rich, no matter what. And I don't know what it would be like to live your entire life just a normal person (although I am normal now, I'm not rich, just trying to become so).
Why do you want to become rich? Is it because money makes life easier, happier, gives you more flexibility? more freedom? Is it because money is important for social status? If you know why money is important to you, then you might also be able to reconcile "being normal" with your desire to be ______ (whatever money means to you). Personally, I think money is overrated. It buys convenience, yes, but a "normal" middle-class lifestyle is already chock full of conveniences. Ferraris are stuck in the same traffic jams as minivans. If money means social status, think about why social status is meaningful to you- is it because you want to have better friendships? Is it because you want people to envy you? Is it because you want to hang out with other rich folks? You can have all 3 of these things by being "normal".
>
> What would it be like to live and die just like everyone else? A normal grave, a normal house, a normal family.No two people live the same lives. Everyone has their own trajectory.
> I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just scared of it, but it's also somewhat appealing to me.
>
> What should I do to overcome this unfamilarity with normalcy? It sort of scares me.of course you're unfamiliar with it, because your idea of normal doesn't exist. You are thinking of what's "normal" for a whole population. Average income, Average number of children, Average years of education, Average wages, Average years worked until retirement, Average mortgage. Once you zoom in to the individual, you will find a lot of colorful personal histories, even for people who fit all the demographic criteria for "normal".
> Anyone ever just change their life plans to settle down and be normal? I think I might want that. And if I happen to get it, I want to be prepared to accept it. It's just foreign to me because I've never thought of myself like that.
Sounds like you're making that fun transition that a lot of people go through in their 20's. (It's NORMAL!!!!) One of my friends was about 25 when she became completely obsessed with reiterment accounts. She was freaking out because she had to start planning her retirement when she got a job. Nothing in your teens prepares you for those kind of decisions! Hang in there, live a little, and que sera, sera. I think plans are overrated. Goals, yes, plans? well. only if they help make your life better. Chaos theory makes detailed planning of distant goals a difficult thing indeed. Moreover, if goals only serve to create conflict, and have no benefits then scrap them, and start over!
Posted by crazy teresa on May 19, 2006, at 8:58:42
In reply to Big changes to your life plan - anyone done it?, posted by Michael83 on May 19, 2006, at 0:59:02
I think our needs change constantly. Maybe you've just never needed a partner (you are still very young), so your focus has been money, which is fine. Ambition is a good thing as long as it doesn't control your life. Certain aspects of life are easier if you have money to spare.
However, I think you do reach a point where you realize money is only a tool to be used toward reaching other goals.
As humans, I do not believe we were created to be alone. Having a partner who can share in the joys and disappointments of life enhances our existence. I don't think you have to change your life's plans; maybe just adjust your plans of an exceptional life to include a wife and family.
Posted by greywolf on May 19, 2006, at 13:10:06
In reply to Re: Big changes to your life plan - anyone done it? » Michael83, posted by crazy teresa on May 19, 2006, at 8:58:42
Having a partner's overrated. Just be yourself and enjoy life as much as you can. The partners/spouses/whatever will come in time if that's what you're destined for.
/been in so many relationships that it's all a blur now
Posted by Phillipa on May 19, 2006, at 14:22:53
In reply to Re: Big changes to your life plan - anyone done it?, posted by greywolf on May 19, 2006, at 13:10:06
You know it's wierd but the people who make it to 30 without getting married don't want to anymore . Too set in their ways. This just recently happened with my youngest Daughter married got a divorce and is much happier now. She only has to think of her. Oh she likes dating occasionally. Love Phillipa
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on May 23, 2006, at 7:05:28
In reply to Big changes to your life plan - anyone done it?, posted by Michael83 on May 19, 2006, at 0:59:02
Yeah of course its completely normal!
I didn't want kids when I was in my late teens/early twenties - I do now, and I'm still only 26!
You grow and you change.
Kind regards
Meri
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