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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 14:13:36
One of my friends is completely self-centered. About 98% self-centered. This is fine when life is grand, but when she has a boo-boo, she is nothing else other than 130 pounds of complaining. And I am exhausted from trying to get her to change her ways. She dates jerks, and then doesn't want to hear anyone tell her that he's a jerk, and then expects us to wipe up her tears when he treats her like a ...jerk! And if one of her friends should, GOD FORBID, have any problems of their own, she quickly as possible changes the subject to this time when SHE had a problem, kinda like that.
So, I've been avoiding her lately, because she is even more narcissistic than usual, we have little to talk about other than HER, and I find that topic a little boring after the first ... 3 hours. I'm not tempted to pity her, or offer support, because she doesn't appreciate it, and she doesn't learn from the lessons that her life is hitting her over the head with. It's like talking to a brick wall. When I support someone, I like to hear that they have found some meaning in my words, every once in a while at least [like maybe once in 4 years], or perhaps a tacit but perceptible change in behavior. I feel like supporting her or giving advice is like talking to a defensive brick wall. So, I just give up [after 4 years]. I'm not going to support her any more.
Do you guys subscribe to the attitude that "You gotta give some [support] to get some [support]" ?
qualifier- my question concerns the realm of the REAL WORLD. in Babble-land, I understand that people often pop in to get support, and that's a beautiful and wonderful thing indeed.
thanks for listening to my rant (and for supporting me in other ways too!)
Posted by crazy teresa on August 15, 2006, at 14:27:59
In reply to My narcissistic friend, posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 14:13:36
Any real relationship is give and take. If your friendship with this person is all one-sided, is it really a friendship?
Posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 14:54:55
In reply to Re: My narcissistic friend » llrrrpp, posted by crazy teresa on August 15, 2006, at 14:27:59
Posted by rainbutterfly on August 15, 2006, at 16:33:12
In reply to My narcissistic friend, posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 14:13:36
After 4 years I'd let her go! Maybe she was attracted to your kindness.
(From someone who finds it hard to let "toxic".. are we allowed to say that?.... friends go)
:o(
Posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 17:12:16
In reply to Re: My narcissistic friend, posted by rainbutterfly on August 15, 2006, at 16:33:12
Well, after 4 years, I feel no great loss saying adios. Too bad she's such a pain in the butt though. We don't work together, but her office is right across the hallway, and she's loud. Even when complaining about "personal" things. Like her yeast infections, and the latest and greatest affliction: she's CONSTIPATED. I mean, seriously... TOO MUCH information!
She's good for a dose of ridicularity though.
(((((((the ridiculousness of public constipation))))))
-ll :o)
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on August 15, 2006, at 18:09:41
In reply to Re: My narcissistic friend » rainbutterfly, posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 17:12:16
I had a roommate who was a narcissitic - completely and utterly self obsessed, but really charming still and very manipulative - people didn't see the 'real' her, except me coz I was her bloomin' roommate!!
They suck you dry. You constantly help them, but they never give it back. Ever.
HAhahah, by third year she ended up with no roommates or flatmates because no-one would live with her.
She never ever went for jerks - just the opposite. And then she'd date these totally handsome/rich men and leave them after two weeks. She even dated Jacques Cousteau's grandson (!) for awhile.
I've read somewhere to just completely avoid narcissitic people. They reel you in and don't really care for you.
Anyway.....Kind regards
Posted by susan47 on August 15, 2006, at 21:38:28
In reply to My narcissistic friend, posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 14:13:36
I'd say she probably isn't a real friend to anybody, if she's like this all the time. We tend to think friendship means telling all, when in fact it's the opposite, in a true caring friendship, you don't tell, you discuss, and what you discuss is (i) interesting to both of you (ii) benefits you both in some way, and (iii) makes the bond stronger. Doesn't sound like she's bonded to anybody but her, and doesn't know how to make it happen so always gives Waaaay to much info in an effort to force the bonding .. which can only happen when she really cares. Sounds like .. she doesn't. She's got to care about You. No care, no friendship. Poof. Don't feel bad.
Posted by Phillipa on August 15, 2006, at 21:50:46
In reply to Re: My narcissistic friend » llrrrpp, posted by susan47 on August 15, 2006, at 21:38:28
Yup she'll suck you dry. Love Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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