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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 6 to 30 of 30. Go back in thread:
Posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 21:09:45
In reply to Re: I did something bad *trigger* » Deneb, posted by Michael83 on December 12, 2006, at 20:58:00
I feel better now. I'm trying to forget what I did. I think I'll return what I bought tomorrow.
I can't risk hurting myself. I know I will regret it. This guilt I feel will fade.
Deneb*
Posted by Phillipa on December 12, 2006, at 21:15:45
In reply to Re: I'm safe, posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 21:09:45
Deneb I feel you should call you pdoc and tell him your feelings. I know how awful guilt is I have a lot too. But I am trying to find a therapist to talk with. Also can you sit down with your Mom and tell her what you've told us? I think talking about it in real life would help. And seriously if you have strong thoughts of self-harm you need to call a crisis line or tell you Mom to take you to the Er. Are you on your prescribed meds? Love Phillipa who you know cares and doesn't want anything bad to happen to Deneb.
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2006, at 21:21:04
In reply to Re: I'm safe, posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 21:09:45
Yes it will. I'm glad you're thinking that way to yourself. All emotions, no matter how horrible, do pass.
In fact, at several points along the way, you chose a safer choice tonight. Including choosing to remember that your feelings will pass. Try to remember those choices as well, ok?
Even though you're feeling better, might it be a good idea to get rid of any temptation tonight? I sometimes give medications to my husband and ask him to hold them for me.
Posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 21:23:03
In reply to Deneb, posted by Dinah on December 12, 2006, at 21:07:48
I'm safe for tonight. I won't do anything with my parents around.
Tomorrow I may feel even more guilty. I promise if I do ingest a larger than mini OD I'll get help somehow.
Deneb*
Posted by sunnydays on December 12, 2006, at 21:24:52
In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 21:23:03
Deneb, I know you'd probably like to return them to try to get your money back, but could you just flush them all down the toilet real quick tonight? Even a mini-OD is dangerous. You're doing so so well, I just don't want you to be tempted the least little bit.
sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2006, at 21:29:25
In reply to Re: Deneb, posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 21:23:03
Ah, Deneb. Can't you promise more than that?
How about promising that if you feel like taking any OD at all, you'll call for help instead.
Or better yet, if you're still feeling that way, call your pdoc or ER right now and tell them what you've just said. No internet bulletin board can substitute for IRL help. I can't say that emphatically enough. If you don't think you're safe tonight or tomorrow, call for IRL help.
Lots of people have told you that mini OD's are dangerous too. Trust me, I'm old now and sick enough. You want to take care of your body when you're young.
Posted by Honore on December 12, 2006, at 21:30:25
In reply to Deneb, posted by Dinah on December 12, 2006, at 21:07:48
Deneb, I'm concerned about you.
Even though you feel safe, your moods have been vacillating a lot recently, and you're under a lot of pressure.
Please give serious consideration to talking to your Mom. You need the kind of support that another person in the room can give you, to get through this difficult moment.
You'll be okay. This will pass and you'll find your way. But I'm worried about you for right now.
As Dinah says, what would you tell someone who wrote your posts? Wouldn't you want her to take precautions, so that if she again felt like doing anything harmful, there would be someone who would protect her?
I know I would. Please give this some thought.
Honore
Posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 21:30:58
In reply to Re: Deneb » Deneb, posted by sunnydays on December 12, 2006, at 21:24:52
> Deneb, I know you'd probably like to return them to try to get your money back, but could you just flush them all down the toilet real quick tonight? Even a mini-OD is dangerous. You're doing so so well, I just don't want you to be tempted the least little bit.
>
> sunnydaysYou're right Sunnydays. I just flushed then down the toilet.
Deneb*
Posted by TexasChic on December 12, 2006, at 21:42:37
In reply to Flushed » sunnydays, posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 21:30:58
I'm so proud of you! If you can't talk to your mom, can you talk to someone at your school? I know you don't want to do the therapy thing, but what can it hurt to try it? If you hate it you can leave. Its all under your control. It will be like talking to us but with someone who knows the things to say that will help you learn how to feel better.
-T
Posted by Michael83 on December 12, 2006, at 21:48:46
In reply to Flushed » sunnydays, posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 21:30:58
Thank you so much Deneb. =)
I'm so glad you feel better.
Posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 22:02:56
In reply to Re: Flushed » Deneb, posted by Michael83 on December 12, 2006, at 21:48:46
Everytime I think about this incident I feel guilty and then I want to OD. I'm going to think about the Babble Party next year and do some research on San Diego.
Tomorrow I'm going to try to forget I have exams and just try to study without pressure. I have 1-3 months to get caught up in everything.
I'm also going to drop some of my classes for next semester. Clearly I cannot handle the stress.
If I OD tomorrow I'll go to the ER. Maybe if I go willingly I won't be locked up like last time and maybe I can get back home in time so my parents wouldn't suspect a thing.
Deneb*
Posted by Phillipa on December 12, 2006, at 22:06:52
In reply to I'm going to try to think of good things *trigger*, posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 22:02:56
Deneb are you on your meds? you go off whenever there are finals and you always pass with flying colors. And now if you're thinking that way call the ER let them know you're on your way and why Love Phillipa
Posted by madeline on December 13, 2006, at 4:36:00
In reply to I'm going to try to think of good things *trigger*, posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 22:02:56
You need to call your Pdoc.
Immediately. You need to reach out to her, tell her your thoughts on this matter and let her help you through it.
You've come a long way Deneb, and I think you are ready to develop the coping skills to deal with life pressures without doing something that you will feel guilty about later.
I think that when you call out and say that you are going to mini-OD you are really really just asking for help.
You see, the thing is you don't NEED to manipulate people, you can just come straight out and ask for help. It's okay.
It is a fundamental right of a human being to not go through this by yourself. It is a fundamental right to get help, Deneb. And that means you are absolutely allowed to do it. It's like saying "i have the right to breathe"
Alleviate your guilt and just ask for help.
Posted by Farkus on December 13, 2006, at 7:18:42
In reply to I did something bad *trigger*, posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 18:51:36
>
> I'm manipulative. >**IF** you are using threats to your life and wellbeing as a coping and controlling mechanism, the fact you recognize that is good. Insight needs to expand to the whys of the behaviors. Initally, the answer may seem simple because people tend to do things that work for them and get them the goals they desire. Desperate people do desperate things. On deeper looking, the reasons may not be so simple.
I am sorry you are hurting. I hope you seek the help I think you need as I believe the behaviors in which you are engaging are risky and very dangerous.
Posted by sunnydays on December 13, 2006, at 9:39:48
In reply to Flushed » sunnydays, posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 21:30:58
Good job Deneb! I'm proud of you!
sunnydays
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 13, 2006, at 11:14:48
In reply to I'm going to try to think of good things *trigger*, posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 22:02:56
Deneb,
think about how much fun it will be to go to California, and how excited you'll feel to meet new Psycho-Babblers.You are doing brave things. Keep yourself safe, and keep yourself busy.
One thing I found that helps me is that I promise to myself- I'm going to be safe until noon. Then- I'm going to be safe until 1pm. Then- I can do this. I promise to myself to be safe until 2pm. then 3pm.
When you can't make those promises anymore, you have to get someone to help you. That person can be your mom, your pdoc, a crisis counselor, or a doctor, or even the ER staff.
I think you can do this. I have a good feeling that you can do this.
If you need to think of more good things, maybe you can go back to your photo album from your trip to the APA conference. Or your photos from your camping/NYC trip with your friends.
You don't have to be *perfect*, 'cause your good enough already. But you do have to keep Deneb* safe. I'm awfully fond of her and I don't want anything bad to happen to her, okay?
Thank you for trying so hard.
your friend,
Ll
Posted by Deneb on December 13, 2006, at 15:10:09
In reply to Re: I'm going to try to think of good things *trig » Deneb, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 13, 2006, at 11:14:48
I just got up 1 1/2 hours ago. I'm OK. I'm at the library right now. I'm almost 100% certain I'm not going to buy more stuff to OD on.
Deneb*
Posted by 10derHeart on December 13, 2006, at 22:13:35
In reply to Thanks for your support, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2006, at 15:10:09
> I just got up 1 1/2 hours ago. I'm OK. I'm at the library right now. I'm almost 100% certain I'm not going to buy more stuff to OD on.
>
> Deneb*
Thank God. I just got to this thread today. I must be honest and say....you were scaring the cr*p out of me. I care about you very much, Deneb.But you did *great* with all this in so many ways, You considered options. You talked to Babblers you *know* care. You had some awesome self-talk. Do you realize what accomplishments these are? Do you?!
Bravo for safety, for your courage, for everything about Deneb. The guilt-beast won't win this one. No way.
your friend who is *so* relieved...-10der
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 13, 2006, at 22:32:15
In reply to Thanks for your support, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2006, at 15:10:09
(((((Deneb)))))
so nice to see your lovely green name in babblechat. you make me happy :)
not just 'cause i'm lurpsy either.
I'm glad you figured out a good way to deal with today. when you are ready, you'll tell your pdoc. You'll feel SO much better when you don't have to carry around such heavy secrets :(
best to you, and sweet dreams :)
lurps
Posted by Deneb on December 13, 2006, at 23:04:35
In reply to Re: Thanks for your support » Deneb, posted by 10derHeart on December 13, 2006, at 22:13:35
Sorry to have scared you. I was kind of scared myself, but maybe it was a good thing. This time I was scared for myself, that's why I did the things I did, like flush the drugs.
It's difficult to say how close I was to ODing because it's a really easy thing to do. It felt like last time, but this time I didn't do it.
Thanks for being there for me.
((((((((((((Everyone)))))))))))))
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on December 13, 2006, at 23:58:11
In reply to Re: Thanks for your support, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2006, at 23:04:35
It will lead to MORE, not less guilt. If I OD and get sick, I might end up in the hospital again and waste a hospital bed. I would be taking away resources from a person who needs it.
It's so much easier to just NOT OD in the first place! The guilt will fade. I do not want to be stuck in the hospital again. I do not want to be sick, as much as I think I deserve it. It does no good whatsoever! It doesn't make anything right. It makes things wrong.
I need to remember that.
Deneb*
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 14, 2006, at 8:48:55
In reply to Re: Number 1 reason why I shouldn't OD, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2006, at 23:58:11
> It will lead to MORE, not less guilt. If I OD and get sick, I might end up in the hospital again and waste a hospital bed. I would be taking away resources from a person who needs it.
>
> It's so much easier to just NOT OD in the first place! The guilt will fade. I do not want to be stuck in the hospital again. I do not want to be sick, as much as I think I deserve it. It does no good whatsoever! It doesn't make anything right. It makes things wrong.
>
> I need to remember that.
>
> Deneb*Deneb, I feel like you are understanding yourself better and better these days. I'm really proud of you for thinking and writing these things. Maybe the next step in your education about yourself can be learning about how to help yourself in a crisis.
It's important to build yourself a safety net when your thinking is clear.
Think of it like a toolchest, or a kit for natural disasters (I lived in S. California and I had a set of stuff that was in a bag in the event of an earthquake, for example)
Here are some things that I have in my toolchest:
1.Phone numbers
a)people that I can call just to chat about nothing in particular, keeping me busy, and therefore safe (incl. 3 friends, 2 brothers)
b)people I can call and tell them that I feel sad/bad (includes husband, and 1 friend)
c)people I can call and tell them that I am scared that I am not safe from myself (includes T, husband, crisis counsellor, hotline)
2. Things to distract
Books of poetry. Short, easy to read. TV. Tabloids- the trashier the better. I only need an IQ of 80 to enjoy these. Violin. Psycho-babble. Housework. School work. long walks, or other exercise.3. Things to soothe
Cooking projects. Hot bath with epsom salts. my down blankie wrapped around me like an enchilada, baking on the couch while I watch the shopping channel in zoned out stares. Hot tea, hot cocoa, hot (decaf) coffee, meditation, medication, staring at my disco-lit X-mas tree. Looking at my photo albums. Calling my husband and demanding that he be nice to me! stretching. shopping without buying- bookstores, or stores with scented stuff. going to cafe and people watching while you sip. Hiding out in muffled's cave. ice cream.These are a few ideas. Write down your own versions, and keep them handy for when you need them. Often, just having a plan will reduce your anxiety incredibly. Hopefully your next crisis will not be so intense (hopefully there will be no more crises), but it's good to have a plan nevertheless.
your friend,
-Ll
Posted by muffled on December 14, 2006, at 15:31:00
In reply to psychological crisis readiness kit :) » Deneb, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 14, 2006, at 8:48:55
> It's important to build yourself a safety net when your thinking is clear.
>
> Think of it like a toolchest, or a kit for natural disasters (I lived in S. California and I had a set of stuff that was in a bag in the event of an earthquake, for example)
>
> Here are some things that I have in my toolchest:
>
> 1.Phone numbers
>
> a)people that I can call just to chat about nothing in particular, keeping me busy, and therefore safe (incl. 3 friends, 2 brothers)
>
> b)people I can call and tell them that I feel sad/bad (includes husband, and 1 friend)
>
> c)people I can call and tell them that I am scared that I am not safe from myself (includes T, husband, crisis counsellor, hotline)
>
> 2. Things to distract
> Books of poetry. Short, easy to read. TV. Tabloids- the trashier the better. I only need an IQ of 80 to enjoy these. Violin. Psycho-babble. Housework. School work. long walks, or other exercise.
>
> 3. Things to soothe
> Cooking projects. Hot bath with epsom salts. my down blankie wrapped around me like an enchilada, baking on the couch while I watch the shopping channel in zoned out stares. Hot tea, hot cocoa, hot (decaf) coffee, meditation, medication, staring at my disco-lit X-mas tree. Looking at my photo albums. Calling my husband and demanding that he be nice to me! stretching. shopping without buying- bookstores, or stores with scented stuff. going to cafe and people watching while you sip. Hiding out in muffled's cave. ice cream.
>
> These are a few ideas. Write down your own versions, and keep them handy for when you need them. Often, just having a plan will reduce your anxiety incredibly. Hopefully your next crisis will not be so intense (hopefully there will be no more crises), but it's good to have a plan nevertheless.**Whoah, Li, you are every T's dream client!
My T was trying to get me to make a list like this but I only came up with a few things, primarily of a distracting nature.
Good for you! WOW!
I should print this out and give it to my T, SHE WOULD SH*T HER PANTS!!! But I not that mean LOL!
Yeah, good for you Li, really.
I gonna steal some off your list and add it to mine, but I'll tell my T I got it from you.
Thanks.
Muffled
Posted by muffled on December 14, 2006, at 15:45:11
In reply to psychological crisis readiness kit :) » Deneb, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 14, 2006, at 8:48:55
> a)people that I can call just to chat about nothing in particular, keeping me busy, and therefore safe (incl. 3 friends, 2 brothers)**I can phone only 1 friend or sisters
>
> b)people I can call and tell them that I feel sad/bad (includes husband, and 1 friend)**Noboddy :(
I can't talk like that irl. It would be showing weakness. I'm not allowed to show weakness.
>
> c)people I can call and tell them that I am scared that I am not safe from myself (includes T, husband, crisis counsellor, hotline)**Noboddy :(
T is not always around, and what can she say ANYways?
Crisis lines are so-so only. In my area they will eventually send a mental health care team to you if needed. They are usu. accompanied by police though.....
The hours that they operate are limited.
Here, if you feel at risk of harming yourself, they will commit you, but they usu let you out pretty fast too...
>
> 2. Things to distract
> Books of poetry. Short, easy to read. TV. Tabloids- the trashier the better. I only need an IQ of 80 to enjoy these. Violin. Psycho-babble. Housework. School work. long walks, or other exercise.**Yeah, I big on distraction. Nights are the worst, so distract until I can fall asleep.
>
> 3. Things to soothe
> Cooking projects. Hot bath with epsom salts. my down blankie wrapped around me like an enchilada, baking on the couch while I watch the shopping channel in zoned out stares. Hot tea, hot cocoa, hot (decaf) coffee, meditation, medication, staring at my disco-lit X-mas tree. Looking at my photo albums. Calling my husband and demanding that he be nice to me! stretching. shopping without buying- bookstores, or stores with scented stuff. going to cafe and people watching while you sip. Hiding out in muffled's cave. ice cream.**Making soup I have discovered works for me. Since I not much good at cooking anything else.
Sometimes I goto really WORK at distraction/soothing, cuz I get SO cvaught up in the craziness in my head :(
Then I want to fall back on old, not so good ways , of coping.(SI, substance abuse, risky behaviour)
>
> These are a few ideas. Write down your own versions, and keep them handy for when you need them. Often, just having a plan will reduce your anxiety incredibly. Hopefully your next crisis will not be so intense (hopefully there will be no more crises), but it's good to have a plan nevertheless.***Its good to have a plan.
Keep it simple.
Remember to READ the freaking thing if you doing a flip....
And even when you reading it and it all seems dumb and like it won't work......try the stuff ANYways. Sometimes it DOES work!!! Cool. And the feelings ease up. And you've made it thru another crisis. And hopefully this will get easier????
Just my thots. As this is something we just been doing recently.
Muffled
Posted by Phillipa on December 14, 2006, at 18:04:44
In reply to Re: psychological crisis readiness kit :), posted by muffled on December 14, 2006, at 15:45:11
Muffled are you from England? They send out crisis teams there. I remember a poster who had one at her house every day it seemed. Love Phillipa ps she was quite ill.
This is the end of the thread.
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