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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DannaB on January 27, 2007, at 15:08:58
I've never been a very private person. I certainly don't tell people any deep, dark secrets, but I'm the sort of person who will tell my friends if I have a fight with my boyfriend or when I'm stressed out about taking out so many loans for school. I have anxiety, but one thing that really helps me is to be able to talk with others. It's just plain difficult for me to keep things inside when they are on my mind.
While I don't think this is a big deal, I wonder how you all deal with "personal" info and how you decide what to share. For example, my boyfriend and I recently went through a rough patch and I told a few of my friends about it. Now we've worked things out and I feel embarassed for making a big deal out of what turned out to be no big deal at all (which is basically the DEFINITION of my anxiety...I get more upset than is warranted). They haven't met him yet and now I'm worried that by sharing this info. they might already have developed a slightly negative view of him.
Am I just worrying too much?
Posted by caraher on January 27, 2007, at 15:41:17
In reply to How much do you share with friends?, posted by DannaB on January 27, 2007, at 15:08:58
That's just "who you are." People who know you probably already realize you tell them what's on your mind, and that if Tuesday you said you were upset because of your boyfriend they probably aren't thrown off if Thursday everything is fine - and won't be terribly prejudiced against him. After all, if you two have worked things out to your satisfaction that should be good enough for them, right?
I generally don't tell people things. Part of that is not having many "real life" friends to tell in the first place. But if I do know someone well enough I'll tell a lot. (My wife thinks, too much!) If, for instance, I'd had a fight at home or were just really depressed or had some financial crisis, I wouldn't mention that at work even if someone noticed I seemed "off" in some way. I think your way is better overall - I probably feel a bit unnecessarily isolated because of my reticence.
Posted by Phillipa on January 27, 2007, at 17:03:01
In reply to Re: How much do you share with friends?, posted by caraher on January 27, 2007, at 15:41:17
I think in your situation it depends who you speak with should be a person of equal status if at work. Love Phillipa ps and the other with the boyfriend I agree with above. Love Phillipa
Posted by Jo U.K on January 28, 2007, at 9:20:51
In reply to Re: How much do you share with friends? » caraher, posted by Phillipa on January 27, 2007, at 17:03:01
Hi Danna, your post was interesting to me as I have always been like you and told friends, even not very close friends, pretty much everything that was going on, and I've had the same reaction afterwards, when I felt slightly ridiculous for having banged on to them about something and then realised later that I should not been so eager to tell all. It's tough when you're an open kind of person. I never seem to have anything good to say about my husband and kids, when actually I adore them, they are in fact great, but I would hate to come across as flashy so I tend to do them down to others. People must think my husbands an ogre! I quite recently moved to a new area and I decided to sit back and listen more and not give new people a whole run down of myself and life, which would invariably involve my playing down the good stuff and poking fun at myself. If someones talking about an argument with their partner for example, I now listen hard and try to be understanding without regaling them with my own bust ups and I dont list my husbands faults at least without listing a few of my own! I feel much more dignified and in control like this, the only exception being my 2 very close friends, whom I know I can tell anything and not regret it. I guess my advice is, be a little choosey who you tell your problems to. It's nice to offload stuff but if you feel you've over done it and you have given someone the wrong impression, you could always go back to them later and say something like " Hey, sorry I offloaded that on you earlier, I was feeling pretty down on my boyfriend at the time and actually he's not a bad fella at all! I guess I was just having a bit of a moan there!" Dont be too hard on yourself.
Posted by DannaB on January 28, 2007, at 10:15:38
In reply to How much do you share with friends?, posted by DannaB on January 27, 2007, at 15:08:58
You guys are so great. I guess it really is a matter of balance. Personally, I try not to tell people at work much at all, but I tell my friends almost everything. It's all a matter of balance, I guess. Maybe I'll try to tell them a little bit less.
Posted by cubic_me on January 28, 2007, at 11:39:50
In reply to Re: How much do you share with friends?, posted by DannaB on January 28, 2007, at 10:15:38
I'm the opposite of Danna and Jo, definately much more of a closed person. 3 friends knew when I first had major depression that I was on antidepressants, but I didn't go in to any details at all. My housemates now hardly know anything of an emotional nature about me, and my parents know even less. I'd rather they didn't know, and wouldn't know how to bring up the subject either. When I go to T appointments I make up something to tell them about where I'm going. It's partly a fear of burdening people with my problems, boring people or seeming strange.
It's probably not a healthy way to be, and probably Jo and Danna, you are on the healthier end of the scale - even if you do realise afterwards that it was 'no big deal' at the time you thought it was, and could talk it through.
Posted by Jo U.K on January 29, 2007, at 8:54:50
In reply to Re: How much do you share with friends?, posted by cubic_me on January 28, 2007, at 11:39:50
Actually CM, having read your post I realised that I dont share the stuff about my medical/psych issues very well at all. I am a talker, I can chat for hours, but my most recent probs I only told my husband about, and even then only 3 weeks after it started. I think this is because I find it terribly hard to admit to the world at large that I am anything other than strong and capable. I cant bear anyone to think of me has having 'flaws'. I guess I'm too proud. It's even hard to admit it here. I couldnt bear my mother in particular to know what really goes on. I couldnt stand the fuss and worry. My close friends dont know either. Oh dear, I am so not the person I try to be. They wouldnt think any less of my I'm sure. I dont know.....
Jo
Posted by cubic_me on January 30, 2007, at 14:08:32
In reply to Re: How much do you share with friends?..cubic_me, posted by Jo U.K on January 29, 2007, at 8:54:50
> Actually CM, having read your post I realised that I dont share the stuff about my medical/psych issues very well at all. I am a talker, I can chat for hours, but my most recent probs I only told my husband about, and even then only 3 weeks after it started. I think this is because I find it terribly hard to admit to the world at large that I am anything other than strong and capable. I cant bear anyone to think of me has having 'flaws'. I guess I'm too proud. It's even hard to admit it here.
Although I'm not a "talker" I can relate to that, I don't want people know know I'm not independent and strong. I don't say much on here compared to the amount going on in my head, probably because of the same fears.
>I couldnt bear my mother in particular to know what really goes on. I couldnt stand the fuss and worry.One of my reasons "against" suicide is the my parents would find out about the real me - a thought too scary to contemplate, though I'm not really sure why.
>My close friends dont know either. Oh dear, I am so not the person I try to be. They wouldnt think any less of my I'm sure. I dont know.....
> JoI don't think they'd think any less of you either. And I don't think my friends would. Perhaps when you're so used to not telling them, it becomes a big deal to tell them and just 'not what you do', so you never consider doing it, or alternatively you think up every reason under the sun not to talk to anyone!
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