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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kath on January 31, 2007, at 17:15:03
that if I could promise NOT to tell his GF something, he wanted to tell me something.
I promised & he said that during the past weeks in BC, she's been doing chrystal meth...on basically a dialy basis.
I don't know if I had said that when I picked them up SHE looked AWFUL. Haggard face; aged; thin.
GAWD. So now, my son is SO worried about her because she wants to go back to Vancouver when he's in Rehab. He feels that if she goes back she'll do meth daily again & probably end up dying; or on the streets; or in jail......and he's probably right. She looks awful.
:-( From 'victim' place - do I need this??
From non-victim, compassionate, concerned place...
I am VERY concerned, obviously.He said he's trying to convince her to tell me. She's afraid I'd try to push her to go to rehab. Right now, I'd just try to have her NOT go back to BC. In the town where we live - actually, in this part on Ontario, meth is basically not available. My son said that he feels pretty confident about not doing all drugs, but if he was where meth was being smoked, he would not be safe.
I know this feels like a 'substance abuse' issue & it is, but I hope that please, can it stay on this board, since it's my ongoing situation of trying to feel supported regarding helping my son; keeping my sanity, etc.
He saw the doctor today. Did I tell you that in addition to the 2 beers on the plane, he had 3 beers last night when he went to a friend's house. The positive thing is that he did not do drugs and that he told me the truth when I asked him how it went at his friend's.
Today he saw our family doctor who said, No, it's probably NOT a great idea to drink right now, so my son seemed to accept that. My doctor is so cool - I can imagine him saying it in a really laid-back way, but emphatically!!
Tomorrow the Helping Overcome Psychosis Early case manager comes to our house to meet my son & have a first interview (about an hour). She said that GF, hubby & I can be there if son is okay with it. I expect he will be.
I told him that he should make an appointment with his case worker & then tell her the GF stuff. The case worker has a background in addictions, so she'll be a good support person for him.
Kath
Posted by Declan on January 31, 2007, at 17:45:57
In reply to Does it never end?? Son confided in me today...., posted by Kath on January 31, 2007, at 17:15:03
If the person taking meth can be convinced that it is an awful (if whatever else) drug, then all that's needed to be done is to repair the damage, given the relative absence of a withdrawal syndrome.
It's a drug that is fun for such a very short while (2 hours?), considering the damage it causes. I suppose it is unique in this respect.
Some former drug users can become interested in looking after themselves... avoiding junk food and eating well, health food shops, sprouting grains, that sort of thing, if they have a countercultural bent.
A lot of people around where I live have become like that for these reasons, over the years.
Posted by caraher on January 31, 2007, at 18:02:36
In reply to Re: Does it never end?? Son confided in me today., posted by Declan on January 31, 2007, at 17:45:57
You can act on your knowledge without betraying your promise. A fairly simple way might be just to take her aside and tell her that she looks awful and you're worried about that. (OK, you might not phrase it *quite* that way, but you get the idea - the signs are there for you to point out; she doesn't need to know your son provided you the reason for them.)
I think a great anti-meth ad campaign would just focus on how awful it makes people look. Tell someone they're harming their health and they shrug. Appeal to their vanity and they take notice. You probably get more mileage out of the fear of bad teeth than the fear of death.
Posted by zazenduckie on January 31, 2007, at 18:22:54
In reply to Re: Does it never end?? Son confided in me today., posted by caraher on January 31, 2007, at 18:02:36
They are trying to use the effects on appearance in an anti-drug campaign in the Northwest US.
http://www.drugfree.org/Portal/DrugIssue/MethResources/faces/photo_4.html
Posted by Gee on January 31, 2007, at 19:28:56
In reply to Does it never end?? Son confided in me today...., posted by Kath on January 31, 2007, at 17:15:03
I'm so glad that your son feels he's able to confide in you!!!! He's so lucky to have such a cool mom.
You are right in feeling that if your son's GF goes (back) to BC the whole drug thing will get worse. It's just so much more avaliable.
You may not have seen it in her because you didn't want to?
I hope it goes well tomorrow!
Posted by caraher on January 31, 2007, at 19:51:15
In reply to Re: Does it never end?? Son confided in me today. » caraher, posted by zazenduckie on January 31, 2007, at 18:22:54
So they are! Good! Thanks for the link...
Posted by Phillipa on January 31, 2007, at 21:23:05
In reply to Re: Does it never end?? Son confided in me today. » zazenduckie, posted by caraher on January 31, 2007, at 19:51:15
Kath definitely show her that link and the pics a pic is worth l000 words. And good luck with both of them. Love Phillipa
Posted by Kath on January 31, 2007, at 21:37:10
In reply to Re: Does it never end?? Son confided in me today., posted by Declan on January 31, 2007, at 17:45:57
Thx Declan,
I just hope that either he can convince her to tell me, or I can simply tell her that I'm really concerned.
I wonder how to talk with her about it without letting her know I know.
You know, at the airport when I saw her, I got a kick-in-the-stomach feeling & I guess a sort of instantaneous flash through my mind that she looked like she was doing heroin. I now remember that she was really hot & had her coat off & a tank top on & I actually looked on her arms for track marks (I think you call them). Then I SHOVED it out of my mind.
Maybe I could tell her that....that I love her & was really shocked at the airport & concerned & tell her what I thought & tell her how much I care about her.
The main thing I'm scared of is that she'll go back there. She had said that she would & my son says that she thinks the 2 guys who moved into the apartment are her BEST friends. My son said that 'meth fiends' don't care about anyone else.
Declan - maybe I could mention how she looks etc & say that I know she's been through a lot & that it's pretty obvious that she's been doing things that are hard on her body & that I'll support her in figuring out how to take better care of herself?
I don't know.
Any thoughts are welcome.
Kath
Posted by Kath on January 31, 2007, at 21:39:56
In reply to Re: Does it never end?? Son confided in me today., posted by caraher on January 31, 2007, at 18:02:36
Hi C,
That's interesting....in fact at the airport I also thought, Jeez - she's AGED something fierce!!
Yes, I think that might be a good way to deal with it.
They've both been sleeping around the clock. With my son, I know his meds knock him out, but with her, it's probably her poor body has been wired & speeded up & is exhausted.
thx for your support, Kath
Posted by Kath on January 31, 2007, at 21:50:07
In reply to Re: Does it never end?? Son confided in me today. » caraher, posted by zazenduckie on January 31, 2007, at 18:22:54
Thanks for posting this site!
Kath
Posted by Kath on January 31, 2007, at 21:55:04
In reply to Re: Does it never end?? Son confided in me today. » Kath, posted by Gee on January 31, 2007, at 19:28:56
> I'm so glad that your son feels he's able to confide in you!!!! He's so lucky to have such a cool mom.
>
> You are right in feeling that if your son's GF goes (back) to BC the whole drug thing will get worse. It's just so much more avaliable.
>
> You may not have seen it in her because you didn't want to?
>
> I hope it goes well tomorrow!Thanks Gee. Fortunately, I see our family doctor tomorrow morning. I'll be telling him. My son said he didn't tell him because the waiting room was full & he felt Doc was really busy.
You know you're right about me not wanting to see it - as I said in a post above, I DID see it at the airport - I thought it was heroin & even looked on her arms for needle marks!!!! Then BLANK - blanked it right out!!!
Thanks for your kind words. It IS preety cool that my kids seem to talk with me about tons of things. I sometimes feel a bit uncomfortable that maybe because I've been so non-judgemental they've just done things that they might not have if I'd been more 'heavy-duty' but I actually don't think that's true.
Thx for your support. Kath
Posted by Kath on January 31, 2007, at 21:57:37
In reply to Re: Does it never end?? Son confided in me today., posted by Phillipa on January 31, 2007, at 21:23:05
Phillipa, I'll have to give some thought as to how to bring up the thing about the link. I'm hoping that I can get her to feel safe enough to talk about it. He said she's afraid of 2 things:
1) that I'll think less of her. I don't - I'm just terrified for her!
2) that I'll think she should go to rehab. My main thing right now is that she does NOT go back to BC.hugs, Kath
Posted by Declan on February 1, 2007, at 1:29:16
In reply to Re: Does it never end?? Son confided in me today. » Declan, posted by Kath on January 31, 2007, at 21:37:10
maybe I could mention how she looks etc & say that I know she's been through a lot & that it's pretty obvious that she's been doing things that are hard on her body & that I'll support her in figuring out how to take better care of herself?
Maybe something like that? In your situation I might just start talking about it *as if* it were out in the open to avoid the embarrassment of disclosure.
Posted by Kath on February 1, 2007, at 15:07:27
In reply to Re: Does it never end?? Son confided in me today. » Kath, posted by Declan on February 1, 2007, at 1:29:16
Thx Declan,
My doctor suggested that I 'pass it by' my son first & I did that this morning, then did talk with her.
I told her I loved her & said how I'd been shocked at the airport at how tired & haggard she looked, & am concerned about her; that they've both slept for 3 days basically etc....that I know they've both been through a very rough time & that I want her to know that I'm here for her & that they can talk with me about anything.
The piece that didn't get said was the talking as if 'it' were out in the open. I think that's a good idea & I think that when I feel comfortable about it, I will say something to her & include that part.
I think it's even not a bad thing to do it in 2 stages. Sometimes I tend to think I have to say things JUST RIGHT....and talk about everything at once.
We had the initial meeting today. Case worker & nurse from the Mental Health Association came to our house, which was a nice relaxed way of doing it. They asked my son all kinds of questions about his past & how things led up to where he's at now, etc. He was amazingly open & forthcoming about things.
The worker said they're available for supporting the family also, so hubby & I have an appointment with her tomorrow morning - once again at our home. She is so nice - she even said, 'want me to pick you up a tea or coffee on my way?' It works out well because hubby is off this week from his gallbladder surgery. He's doing great - today he didn't even have to take a Tylenol 3 until 3:30!! He brought home his work computer & has been doing some work here. He's driven very short distances 2 times & is really doing quite well. He just came back from getting us a movie, which we're going to watch shortly!!
The one thing that hubby & are aren't happy about, but it isn't a surprise is:
In response to case worker's question, he says he's doing well about not using drugs & doesn't think he needs to set anything in place regarding the program that had been looked into.
I didn't say anything at the time; will be talking with cw tomorrow about it. He needs to deal with the underlying problems; he needs to have help healing certain things inside himself & he needs to learn new ways of dealing with life's stresses, etc.
I'm not too upset at this point, because he's in no shape to do much of anything right now. The nurse who came said that it's very normal to have an amazing amount of tiredness after having a psychotic episode. My son is really tired; seems really zonked & drugged. So it isn't as if he's in shape to do a treatment program right now, however, since there is a waiting period, he needs to be set up on the waiting list.
Thanks everyone for your support. It helps me get through all this!
hugs, Kath
PS Declan - how are things in your life. I don't go to the other boards much, so am not sure if you post much there but you always seem to be around to support others. I wonder how things are for you?
luv, Kath
Posted by happykat on February 2, 2007, at 3:39:19
In reply to Does it never end?? Son confided in me today...., posted by Kath on January 31, 2007, at 17:15:03
(((((((Kath))))))))
When it rains it really does pour. Thinking of you and hoping things start going better for you.
Regards,
kat
Posted by Kath on February 2, 2007, at 18:00:42
In reply to Re: Does it never end?? Son confided in me today.... » Kath, posted by happykat on February 2, 2007, at 3:39:19
He & GF have been here except for a 3-hour visit to a friend's Tuesday night.
Today they've gone to the friend's where they are going to be staying. They're staying overnight & I'm hoping it goes well, because if it does, I'll be suggesting that they shift to staying there.
That'd been the original plan & I had said that I wanted him here for a few days.
Funny thing is that since I've found out about his GF's use, that has upset me almost more than my son's situation. The friend whose house they're going to be staying at told me today (when I briefly spoke with him privately, after they'd gone into the house) that GF had been using meth for 2 months & my son only learned of it while he was in the hospital. So she'd been using befoe, but he didn't know.
I find it depressing that she looks so haggard & today the person who she uses meth with - or one of them - phoned (he's a friend of my son's also) & she was all laughing & animated on the phone & I felt really angry inside & sort of disgusted!!
Son's case worker with the program at Mental Health Association met with hubby & I this morning. It was a very supportive meeting. She emphasized that his 'team' is totally there to support his family also, in whatever way we want. So it's good because I know I can email her, phone her (or any of them - social worker, nurse) if I have any questions, concerns, etc.
It felt really good to hear that.She also was able to disperse some of my concerns & even just talking about how I was feeling helped.
I said that I feel that when my son leaves our home, it'll be like sending someone out into the huge ocean on a raft. That's sorta how it feels to me. But she helped me realize that that's probably not at all how it feels to him, in that he's probably quite content to sleep alot right now & not have many things that he HAS to do.
So the good thing is that hubby & I have the house to ourselves tonight. It feels very different even though we haven't been seeing son & GF upstairs much. Just knowing that they're not here feels good!!!!!!
:-) Kath
Posted by Declan on February 2, 2007, at 20:23:13
In reply to He's staying at a friend's overnight......... » happykat, posted by Kath on February 2, 2007, at 18:00:42
A friend, now dead, who'd kinda been my mother handled the 'Are you using drugs?' thingo thus.....
I was going overseas and I had a narcotic habit. I had not discussed or disclosed it, but it would have been obvious enough, though way less so than meth. Anyway she (only) said to me 'I hope you don't get caught.' I was so touched by the selflessness and restraint in this that it was one of the things that *did* have a positive effect on me and my behaviour.
Posted by Kath on February 3, 2007, at 21:13:59
In reply to Re: He's staying at a friend's overnight......... » Kath, posted by Declan on February 2, 2007, at 20:23:13
Hi Declan,
Thanks for that. I remember you telling me that - I think in a very kind babblemail that you sent me. I'd forgotten. Yes, that's a great way to deal with it!!!
Today really is the best day so far.
My son & GF have been staying here, at our invitation, before the transition to staying at their friend's apartment.
Yesterday they were invited to that friend's place & went from there to another friend's house where they went on Tuesday.
My son didn't use or drink. He did some music 'mixing' or spinning as it's called with the 2 turntables & records. GF said that he did REALLY well & she really liked hearing him spin again. He took his meds. He went to bed at midnight.He & GF were picked up today at noon & slept, had supper with us, had a lovely chatting conversation, & at 8 he said he was going to take his meds & go to bed.
This has been the best day so far.
Plus, I got a chance to be alone with GF. We were outside & I hugged her, gently held her face & said, 'look into my eyes'. She said 'I haven't been using drugs!' & smiled. I said, 'No - I'm not trying to check that. I wanted to tell you I love you. But I do know that you've been doing something for you to be looking like you do.'
She asked if I meant last nite. I said no & she said, 'well, I have been while (son) was in the hospital.' I said that I knew that & I just wanted her to know that I knew & that I am not a judgemental person & don't judge her for it.Then - it was really actually funny because I was going to put a bag into the trunk, & I started carrying it towards the house door. She asked if I wasn't going to put it in the car & I laughed & rolled my eyes & said, "YESSSSS - & I haven't been doing drugs!!!! Except caffeine & sugar!!" and we both laughed.
Anyway, I sure feel a lot better. Hubby, son, GF & I had a nice casual supper & nice conversation, in which my son was sounding pretty normal - talking a bit slowly & carefully, but apart from that normal! Yayy.
I'm sure it's going to be a long row to hoe, but I am feeling 100% better now that I've talked with GF & we've had a nice family time etc.
thx all for your ongoing support in one of the very most difficult times in my life!
luv, Kath
Posted by happykat on February 6, 2007, at 15:15:35
In reply to GOODNEWS best day so far/ did talk with GF......, posted by Kath on February 3, 2007, at 21:13:59
Kath,
I am so glad to hear things are going better. I was really moved by what you wrote regarding the talk you had with your son's GF. It sounds like it went really well. : )
Hope things continue to look up! Take care.
Be well and stay safe.Regards,
Kat :)
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