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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kath on March 12, 2007, at 18:55:46
Just wondering.
I'm finding it a big challenge to see my son in so much pain about his GF flip-flopping about - yes she loves him & is returning sometime from BC; no she isn't returning.... etc.
He's not mentioning details any more, but he looks AWFUL & says he's feeling really bad.
Anyone discovered any tips about dealing with our loved ones being in pain?
Kath
Posted by fayeroe on March 12, 2007, at 20:02:54
In reply to How do you deal with your close loved ones' pain?, posted by Kath on March 12, 2007, at 18:55:46
make sure he knows you're there to listen. i always tried to "mirror" back what my kids told me so that they knew i heard them..... love is HARD.........pat
Posted by Fivefires on March 12, 2007, at 21:15:57
In reply to How do you deal with your close loved ones' pain?, posted by Kath on March 12, 2007, at 18:55:46
Here's a list of good things to say to a person going through bad times ....
http://www.wingofmadness.com/information/best_things.htm
5f
Posted by Phillipa on March 12, 2007, at 21:42:04
In reply to Re: How do you deal with your close loved ones' pain? » Kath, posted by fayeroe on March 12, 2007, at 20:02:54
Excellent response Pat. Love Phillipa I couldn't agree more.
Posted by Phillipa on March 12, 2007, at 21:43:35
In reply to Re: How do you deal with your close loved ones' pain? » Kath, posted by Fivefires on March 12, 2007, at 21:15:57
Five Fires that was wonderful. Love Phillipa
Posted by Declan on March 13, 2007, at 0:34:39
In reply to Re: How do you deal with your close loved ones' pain? » Kath, posted by Fivefires on March 12, 2007, at 21:15:57
I think it helps to actually feel it and not try to avoid or minimise the experience of it.
I had this experience with my mother in her agitated depression.
When people know you actually feel their pain without you having to tell them, sometimes that might be enough?
Posted by Kath on March 13, 2007, at 14:36:38
In reply to Re: How do you deal with your close loved ones' pain?, posted by Declan on March 13, 2007, at 0:34:39
Oh I feel it! If that's what it takes I'm doing that one!!
Maybe that IS reassuring.
Today, I'm glad to say, my son seems to be feeling somewhat better. At least he's seeming better, so I think he's coming out the other side. Still lots of suffering I'm sure.
He phoned to ask if he could get a ride to go to a friend's. 2 good things - reaching out to a friend, and asking for the help that I've offered.
A nice thing - as he got out of the car, he thanked me for all the help. He said - 'all your help is really helping me get through this'
I told him that I love him & he's welcome & that he's a very strong person & I admire him.
It felt good.
AND the sun is shining.
:-) thx Kath
Posted by Kath on March 13, 2007, at 14:37:54
In reply to Re: How do you deal with your close loved ones' pain? » Kath, posted by fayeroe on March 12, 2007, at 20:02:54
Thanks Pat - I'm trying to mirror body language to some extent & even food choices. "I think I'll try a lemonade this time too."
thx for your support, Kath
Posted by Kath on March 13, 2007, at 14:38:21
In reply to Re: How do you deal with your close loved ones' pain? » Kath, posted by Fivefires on March 12, 2007, at 21:15:57
Great site - thanks
hugs, Kath
Posted by Kath on March 13, 2007, at 14:39:19
In reply to Re: How do you deal with your close loved ones' pain? » fayeroe, posted by Phillipa on March 12, 2007, at 21:42:04
Phillipa - as always thx for your support. I know you're there for me.
hugs, Kath
Posted by Fivefires on March 14, 2007, at 14:52:25
In reply to Re: How do you deal with your close loved ones' pain? » Kath, posted by fayeroe on March 12, 2007, at 20:02:54
I'm just now reading all followups.
You know, sometimes I would tend to tell my daughter how 'her pain' made 'me feel'. I see this is selfish. I mean, I'm getting it from what FR and De have said here. I feel bad, but that's good. I needed to hear this.
So ... mirror -or- 'feel their pain' and do not expound how it makes me feel.
That's good. Really good.
I've needed this assistance too, as am in an almost identical situation re: a daughter, as Kath, as she knows.
Tough love has never sat right w/ me.
This does. What is this? What is 'the label' for this? (No .. I don't like labeling either; butt, labeling 'good things' might be diff'. Maybe it's something like 'empathizing w/o opinion'.)
5f
Posted by Kath on March 14, 2007, at 15:43:21
In reply to Re: How do you deal with your close loved ones' pain?, posted by Fivefires on March 14, 2007, at 14:52:25
It's feels good to be able to tell GOOD things.
My son's friend had said he'd like him to find somewhere else for next month.
Hubby or Mr. Kath as some say! & I thought 'Great; that sounds like he might land here again.'
ANYway, today son called to say that the friend's where he stayed last night wants to rent the 2nd room of his 2 bedroom apartment. I thought WOWSA .... as per kk (as you may or may not know we have to mention her when we use 'wowsa' LOL)
ANYway, bioDad is helping out with half of 'first & last month rent' & Mr. Kath & I are lending son the other half. (When we see that WHO KNOWS, but on the books it's a loan.) Anyway, son is now on the lease. The place is about 5 minutes away from me & right around the corner from his HOPE program office at Can. Mental Health Assoc.
The friend is a good person (into partying somewhat, but they all are) & I suspect that there might be less ongoing weed happening in this place than the current one.I'm happy.
Whew.
: ) Kath
Posted by Dinah on March 14, 2007, at 16:31:26
In reply to Some nice news, posted by Kath on March 14, 2007, at 15:43:21
:)
I'm glad there's good news.
Posted by Fivefires on March 15, 2007, at 13:19:42
In reply to Some nice news, posted by Kath on March 14, 2007, at 15:43:21
When your child is better, UR better, so wishing u a wonderful day and weekend Kath ...
5f
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