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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Happyflower on March 23, 2007, at 20:08:01
I am afraid of losing him from dying. He is 78 and is really nice and used to work in the same industry as I did 20 years ago but he has bone cancer. :(
He is a musican and I enjoy his company at the gym but I am afraid of losing anyone else in my life. I love his stories, he reminds me a little of my grandfather who I adored when I was a kid. He seems to like to talk to me too, he is always sitting down next to me when I am studying. He is a sweet guy but I am scared of getting attached to someone who I know is sick. I just don't know how to handle this. I don't want to stop talking to him because of my fear. He didn't tell me he was sick, one of his friends did. Any advice?
Posted by Phillipa on March 23, 2007, at 20:29:46
In reply to I like this old guy but...., posted by Happyflower on March 23, 2007, at 20:08:01
Happyflower what he needs most is for you to continue to treat him exactly as you have. You just put your fears aside. I know it is hard but you must or his feeling will be hurt and think of the good you are doing him. It's his best medicine and he is trying to enjoy his last days as normally as possible. After being a nurse this happened many times to me. I know how hard it is. But just treat him the same. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on March 23, 2007, at 21:21:41
In reply to I like this old guy but...., posted by Happyflower on March 23, 2007, at 20:08:01
I agree with Phillipa. It is difficult, but I'll bet you find it rewarding too.
Posted by Happyflower on March 23, 2007, at 21:50:55
In reply to Re: I like this old guy but.... » Happyflower, posted by Phillipa on March 23, 2007, at 20:29:46
Phillipa,
You are right, I should just act like I always have, but it breaks my heart. He is giving me all this great advice about being a muscian, it is like he has taken an interest with me and wants to tell me all the important stuff. I really enjoy him, it feels natural and sometimes it is fun.
I don't know how sick he is, he is still exercising and stuff, but once I saw him a few weeks ago and he looked really sick. I don't know what to expect with bone cancer that orginated from testicular. My dad died of colon cancer so that might be different and he was only 48.
But you are right, I will just treat him the same. If he looks really bad, should I say something or is it best to ignore that?
Posted by Happyflower on March 23, 2007, at 21:54:14
In reply to Re: I like this old guy but.... » Happyflower, posted by Dinah on March 23, 2007, at 21:21:41
Yeah, I feel it is rewarding to know him, he is such a sweet guy. He was even understanding when my FIL died a little while ago and I didn't even know he was sick, and I was talking about funeral stuff and all. I like this guy, even though the age gap is large, we have so many things in common. He is a neat guy. Thanks Dinah as always. :-)
Posted by Phil on March 23, 2007, at 22:15:48
In reply to I like this old guy but...., posted by Happyflower on March 23, 2007, at 20:08:01
Couldn't agree more with the ladies.
Can I tell a story? No? ok. Here we go : )
___
Years ago, I was with my then girlfriend J---- and we were visiting her terminally ill mother in the hospital.
We were out by the nurses station gathering our thoughts when a little, older lady came up to us pulling her IV cart. She was gravely ill herself but made herself right at home and asked my gf why we were there. My gf said that her mom was terminally ill with cancer. Then she asked me the same question. I said I was there for J----.This weak, pale stranger sweetly said to me, 'You run well on a muddy track.'
I completely lost it, had to excuse myself and rush off to the men's room and WEEP. I was so touched. I couldn't stop the tears. I probably hadn't cried in years.
__________You're exactly where you should be, Happyflower.
The question in the end won't be 'can I handle the loss?' It will be 'can I accept the grace?'Peace Happyflower,
Phil
Peace
Posted by Phillipa on March 23, 2007, at 22:17:22
In reply to Re: I like this old guy but.... » Phillipa, posted by Happyflower on March 23, 2007, at 21:50:55
Happy you might just say hi how are you today and see what he says and guage it from there. He probably is giving you a gift his gift of knowledge and it makes him feel good to help some succeed in life. Love Phillipa
Posted by zenhussy on March 23, 2007, at 22:41:20
In reply to Re: I like this old guy but...., posted by Phil on March 23, 2007, at 22:15:48
>>> The question in the end won't be 'can I handle the loss?' It will be 'can I accept the grace?'
Peace Happyflower,
Phil
Peace<<damn you're good!
Peace, Pace, Paix, Paz, Frieden, Pax, and Pokój to you kind Phil
Posted by Larry Hoover on March 24, 2007, at 6:22:27
In reply to Re: I like this old guy but.... » Phillipa, posted by Happyflower on March 23, 2007, at 21:50:55
> Phillipa,
>
> You are right, I should just act like I always have, but it breaks my heart. He is giving me all this great advice about being a muscian, it is like he has taken an interest with me and wants to tell me all the important stuff. I really enjoy him, it feels natural and sometimes it is fun.It sounds like this gentleman has made a conscious effort to interact with you. I think, towards the end of our days, we want to share our wisdom. I think you would be giving him a tribute to allow this mentoring to continue. You would both be thereby gifted.
> I don't know how sick he is, he is still exercising and stuff, but once I saw him a few weeks ago and he looked really sick. I don't know what to expect with bone cancer that orginated from testicular. My dad died of colon cancer so that might be different and he was only 48.
I'm sorry about your dad.
Bone cancer can become *very* painful. And it can also be slow. My intuition is to not speak of cancer, unless he does.
> But you are right, I will just treat him the same. If he looks really bad, should I say something or is it best to ignore that?
I think a comment like, "It looks like you're not having a very good day, today.", with a pat on the hand, might be all right. You acknowledge his state, but not pointedly so.
I wish you both comfort.
Lar
Posted by Happyflower on March 24, 2007, at 13:50:50
In reply to Re: I like this old guy but...., posted by Phil on March 23, 2007, at 22:15:48
Thank you for the touching story and kind words. I will keep that in mind when I see him.
Posted by Happyflower on March 24, 2007, at 13:59:07
In reply to Re: I like this old guy but.... » Happyflower, posted by Larry Hoover on March 24, 2007, at 6:22:27
Hi Larry,
Thanks for your good sound advice.
He was telling me the other day to play music like the professional makes me feel when I hear them. It is hard for an amature to truely sound as good as a pro, but we can still produce the same feeling. I was telling him how it was so hard to play and sound like Maurice Andre, who is the cream of the crop for trumpeters. I really enjoy talking to him.
Thanks again Larry.
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