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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on January 13, 2008, at 11:50:46
I'm off to a very bad start in school. I've already skipped two classes and I haven't started studying yet.
All I want to do is sleep in.
Last night I got really depressed.
I'm afraid of my lab. Last time I had a panic attack during the lab.
I feel a lot of pressure from family to finish school.
I miss organic chem II.
:-(
I have no tutors right now because my family told me not to hire any. They think I can study on my own. They don't want me to waste money.
I had things all planned out, I was going to take biochemistry and hire a tutor, but now I'm taking two classes with no tutors.
There's a lot of pressure to finish school.
I need to get my act together. I feel down.
Posted by Racer on January 13, 2008, at 13:08:26
In reply to I'm off to a bad start in school, posted by Deneb on January 13, 2008, at 11:50:46
You know, there's this advice I've heard about all sorts of things: if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I've heard it in all sorts of different phrasings, but it comes down to this: if something works for you, keep doing it.
Hiring a tutor made a big difference for you. It was a great idea, and it worked. If it worked, why not do it again?
Yes, I understand that your family is pressuring you about a number of things, but here's the way it looks from my perspective, reading your posts:
Your family are pressuring you to finish school. They're pressuring you to do well in your classes. And they're pressuring you NOT to do the things that will help you finish school successfully.
Can you see a problem there? Seems like there's something wrong with this picture...
Deneb, I did well in college. I did well because I set up study groups for most of my classes, and I hired tutors for many of my classes. Between the tutors and the study groups, I did well. What do you think? Does that mean that, somehow, my grades don't reflect my success? That somehow it's cheating? Those things worked for me, and how well they worked was reflected in my grades. I think the tutoring worked well for you, didn't it? If it worked, why not do it again? So you spend a little money on a tutor -- those tutors need the money, and you benefit from the tutoring. Win-win.
What does your pdoc have to say about this? I'll bet she'll tell you pretty much the same thing I'm telling you -- if it works for you, it's worth doing.
As for your family, maybe you can use this to practice speaking up for yourself? "Gee, Mom and Dad, I understand your concern about spending money on a tutor, but since I benefit from it so much, and it's helping me successfully finish school, I plan to hire a tutor." You don't have to include any negative characterizations of their pressure -- only include the positive side: "I benefit, therefore I'm going to do it."
Deneb, you deserve more support at home. School is hard, and it's harder still when you don't have a supportive environment. I'm very sorry you're not getting your needs met right now, and I hope things improve for you.
Good luck.
Posted by Deneb on January 13, 2008, at 13:34:09
In reply to Re: I'm off to a bad start in school » Deneb, posted by Racer on January 13, 2008, at 13:08:26
It's mostly pressure from my sister, mom and aunt that I'm dealing with. My sister tells me adamantly to not hire a tutor. She's younger than I am, and has her biochemistry degree. She's really hardworking. She just doesn't understand my struggles. She told me my tutors are probably younger than I am, like it's something I should be ashamed of.
My Mom can see I'm getting overwhelmed right now and she told me I can hire a tutor if I need to.
I think I need someone to go over the material with me. I don't study well on my own. It really helps to have someone show me and tell me things out loud.
I just asked my sister if she would tutor me online and I'll pay her $15/hour. Maybe since the money is staying within the family she won't object. I just hope she's a good tutor and won't put me down all the time.
She comes back home in Feb. so until then she'd have to tutor me online.
Posted by Racer on January 13, 2008, at 13:37:47
In reply to Re: I'm off to a bad start in school, posted by Deneb on January 13, 2008, at 13:34:09
Do you think it's a good idea to have your sister as a tutor? I remember my ex-fiance trying to teach me to drive -- the driving school was a much better choice!
Sometimes it's best to work with a stranger, at least in my experience.
Whatever you do, I wish you the best.
Posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 16:21:05
In reply to Re: I'm off to a bad start in school, posted by Deneb on January 13, 2008, at 13:34:09
Your sister doesn't need to approve, you know.
Do what you need to do to do well. If your sister doesn't approve, you've still done well. She can disapprove of your doing well.
It's my experience that family members aren't the best people to tutor you. Besides, she doesn't sound very positive and encouraging...
Posted by Kath on January 13, 2008, at 21:05:55
In reply to I'm off to a bad start in school, posted by Deneb on January 13, 2008, at 11:50:46
Hi Deneb,
If you were going to pay the tutors with your own money, I think that's your decision.
I don't know your family 'dynamic' as to what constitues respect for your parents.
It would be nice if you have money you earned yourself & you feel you need tutors & can afford them, that you would be able to get them.
Perhaps the fact that you tried without tutors & it's too stressful points to the wisdom of having tutors.
Hugs, Kath
Posted by Kath on January 13, 2008, at 21:17:06
In reply to Re: I'm off to a bad start in school, posted by Deneb on January 13, 2008, at 13:34:09
> My Mom can see I'm getting overwhelmed right now and she told me I can hire a tutor if I need to.
>
> I think I need someone to go over the material with me. I don't study well on my own. It really helps to have someone show me and tell me things out loud.1) Your Mom says okay. GO FOR IT!!!!!
You don't need your sister's okay or approval Deneb. You don't even need to inform her of your decision.2) You just said it helps to have someone show you & tell you things OUT LOUD. GOOD - you've identified your learning style. Online tutoring doesn't seem to meet that style to me.
3) The best kind of tutor is an objective, emotionallly uninvolved person, in my opinion. Since there's pretty-well always 'stuff' between sisters, I really question that as a choice.
4) Your Mom said it was okay, so I'd say don't worry about the 'keeping it in the family' part.
5) Sometimes I've found it best to protect myself by not giving alot of details to people unless I feel safe. (obviously I feel safe at PB because I sorta tell-all)
You might want to consider not talking about this type of thing with your sister & aunt unless you feel they'll support you in doing what you KNOW (or even believe) is best for you. You know yourself best Deneb.many hugs, keep us posted, luv, Kath
PS - if you already asked your sister, you can change your mind. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.... we all are!!!
You can say that you've decided to have someone who's available 'in person' immediately, as you need help immediately & your learning style requires one-on-one 'in person'.
xoxo
Posted by Racer on January 13, 2008, at 21:26:16
In reply to Re: I'm off to a bad start in school, posted by Kath on January 13, 2008, at 21:17:06
>
> 5) Sometimes I've found it best to protect myself by not giving alot of details to people unless I feel safe.Well, y'all know I am taking classes, and have been for a couple of years now.
My husband, of course, knows that I'm taking classes. He's very supportive of it, in all kinds of ways.
I did tell my mother, eventually. She's supportive of it, if rather uninterested. She does remember to ask now and again how it's going.
Not one other member of my family is aware that I have been taking classes for the past couple of years. I don't think it's good for me to tell them, or to let them find out.
What's more, they don't know that I had three years of fertility treatment, unsuccessfully.
They don't know about my hospitalizations.
They don't know much of anything, really, and I've found it's much safer for me that way.
So, another vote for the "need to know" variety of family communications...
Posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 21:28:10
In reply to Kath's got a good point..., posted by Racer on January 13, 2008, at 21:26:16
Yes she does.
I should probably keep that in mind with my own family. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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