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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kath on May 2, 2008, at 8:39:19
I'm feeling like there's a cloud of worry/fear/sort of dread around me alot these days. My son his good friend & one other friend have moved now into the main floor of a really nice house in the same area s me. They are saying they want to keep it clean; nice; respectable. Things are looking good & I think that I feel dread because of the other times when things have looked good & then BAD stuff has happened. Yes - I think that's it.
sigh. I wish I could be the type of person who sees the GOOD & could relax & know that that was THEN & this is NOW & that I could hope for & expect the BEST instead of being afraid of the worst!Kath
Posted by Phillipa on May 2, 2008, at 11:32:43
In reply to Expecting the worst instead of enjoying positives, posted by Kath on May 2, 2008, at 8:39:19
Kath I relate to your feelings but have a feeling that his time things will be different. Try and stay positive. Love Phillipa
Posted by Kath on May 2, 2008, at 20:02:33
In reply to Re: Expecting the worst instead of enjoying positives » Kath, posted by Phillipa on May 2, 2008, at 11:32:43
Thanks Phillipa,
I sure hope you're right. Things are definitely going better for him.
This house is SO nice!!! It's so clean & bright. The window in his room just looks out at the next house, so that's a bit disappointing, but it's the room for him - one wall is next to the staircase & the other next to the hall. It's also over the furnace room. This is important, as he works on his music on the computer a fair bit & with the bass & repetition, it could easily drive people to - well, I don't know to what! :-)
Anyway, he's really developing his music. It's electronic & not to a lot of folks' taste, but I notice he's putting more melody lines in & using more keyboard sounds; cello sounds; flute, etc.
I've been feeling sort of edgy lately in general anyhow. That might be contributing to my nervousness about the future.
Thx for your support! luv, Kath
Posted by Phillipa on May 2, 2008, at 20:15:29
In reply to Re: Expecting the worst instead of enjoying positives » Phillipa, posted by Kath on May 2, 2008, at 20:02:33
Kath your're welcome. Love Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on May 2, 2008, at 23:25:09
In reply to Re: Expecting the worst instead of enjoying positives » Phillipa, posted by Kath on May 2, 2008, at 20:02:33
Well of course you're worried when you've been burned before! That's perfectly understandable if you ask me! But that doesn't me you can't hope for the best, and celebrate it when it happens! But keeping yourself prepared for the worst is just part of taking care of yourself. And if you don't take care of yourself, you'll never be any good to the people in your life that you love and want to help. Please stop beating yourself up, you are doing such an amazing job of handling the situation!
-T
Posted by Kath on May 3, 2008, at 14:50:04
In reply to Re: Expecting the worst instead of enjoying positi, posted by TexasChic on May 2, 2008, at 23:25:09
Thanks TC. you're such a great support person to me.
The thing is, I'd like to do this:
face what MIGHT happen - or face that 'yup; problems might come up again' & then STOP thinking about it; worrying about it; having my stomach feel tight. I'd like to face it & be aware & then get on with my life in a positive, happy way!!
Sometimes I'm able to do that. Often, my peace of mind hinges SO much on how my son is doing, or how he might do.
I wish there was a good Nar-Anon meeting (for the families of addicts) near enough to be reasonable. I guess they're as good as the members are 'healthy' or at least 'getting healthy'. In the one I did try out, which was about 45 minute drive Sunday nights, many people who attended seemed to give a LOT of detail as to what "their addict" was doing, rather than on maybe how they, themselves, were feeling etc.
I wish there was a CoDependents Anonymous meeting nearby. I really benefitted from it when I went there.
Sigh.
I suspect I might feel better once my sale is over. Wed is set-up day. My husband just moved my 'Inventory' database to the computer that I use. It was on an old computer that was REALLY slow & that I haven't been using for a long time. Now I'll be able to enter my new items onto the inventory/put prices on their stickers, etc.
It's a gray rainy day; my husband is sanding our back stairs where he took up the old tile - the glue that remained there is smelly when it's being sanded; I'm feeling concerned that my sinuses will start hurting because of it - I'm feeling sort of dizzy & spacey; I'm feeling depressed & mournful & weepy.
I'm feeling like I don't like having to continue to 'do' this thing called 'life'.
Jeez. I feel whiney & complainy & trapped.
:-( Kath
Posted by fayeroe on May 3, 2008, at 19:42:16
In reply to Expecting the worst instead of enjoying positives, posted by Kath on May 2, 2008, at 8:39:19
> I'm feeling like there's a cloud of worry/fear/sort of dread around me alot these days. My son his good friend & one other friend have moved now into the main floor of a really nice house in the same area s me. They are saying they want to keep it clean; nice; respectable. Things are looking good & I think that I feel dread because of the other times when things have looked good & then BAD stuff has happened. Yes - I think that's it.
>
> sigh. I wish I could be the type of person who sees the GOOD & could relax & know that that was THEN & this is NOW & that I could hope for & expect the BEST instead of being afraid of the worst!
>
> KathKath, when we have children that we want the best for and they have done things that weren't exactly in their best interest....we are naturally going to worry when things start looking "up"> It is normal.
We are waiting for the "other shoe to drop".
I've done it so many times that I can do it in my sleep now. :-)xoxoxo Pat
Posted by TexasChic on May 3, 2008, at 22:42:25
In reply to Letting go of worry? / pottery sale prep/depressed » TexasChic, posted by Kath on May 3, 2008, at 14:50:04
> Thanks TC. you're such a great support person to me.
I'm so glad, you are to me too!
>
> The thing is, I'd like to do this:
face what MIGHT happen - or face that 'yup; problems might come up again' & then STOP thinking about it; worrying about it; having my stomach feel tight. I'd like to face it & be aware & then get on with my life in a positive, happy way!!
Unfortunately, as caring people we are unable to let stuff go. If we did, we wouldn't be capable of caring like we do. Its an unfortunate side effect, but if the alternative is NOT caring at all, I guess I'd rather suffer the side effects.>I wish there was a good Nar-Anon meeting (for the families of addicts) near enough to be reasonable. I guess they're as good as the members are 'healthy' or at least 'getting healthy'. In the one I did try out, which was about 45 minute drive Sunday nights, many people who attended seemed to give a LOT of detail as to what "their addict" was doing, rather than on maybe how they, themselves, were feeling etc.
>
> I wish there was a CoDependents Anonymous meeting nearby. I really benefitted from it when I went there.Are you seeing a T at all? If you can't find a good group, maybe a T to talk to and get advice from is the answer. I'm in the process of looking for one myself.
> I suspect I might feel better once my sale is over. Wed is set-up day. My husband just moved my 'Inventory' database to the computer that I use. It was on an old computer that was REALLY slow & that I haven't been using for a long time. Now I'll be able to enter my new items onto the inventory/put prices on their stickers, etc.
Knowing I have something coming up can be stressful to me too. Try to take it one day at a time. Do what you can today, and leave tomorrow to take care of itself.
> It's a gray rainy day; my husband is sanding our back stairs where he took up the old tile - the glue that remained there is smelly when it's being sanded; I'm feeling concerned that my sinuses will start hurting because of it - I'm feeling sort of dizzy & spacey; I'm feeling depressed & mournful & weepy.
I seem to have caught a cold or something, fever (slight but enough to make me feel bad), body aches, post nasal drip, scratchy throat. Being sick always effects my frame of mind. If you feel bad, allow yourself to feel bad. You feel what you feel for a reason.
> I'm feeling like I don't like having to continue to 'do' this thing called 'life'.
I know the feeling, I find myself wondering, why does everything have to be so difficult!
> Jeez. I feel whiney & complainy & trapped.Its okay. This is where I whine and complain too. Believe me, I understand where you're coming from! If you hang in there I will too!
-T
Posted by Kath on May 5, 2008, at 14:43:59
In reply to Re: Expecting the worst instead of enjoying positives » Kath, posted by fayeroe on May 3, 2008, at 19:42:16
....we are naturally going to worry when things start looking "up"> It is normal.
>
> We are waiting for the "other shoe to drop".
> I've done it so many times that I can do it in my sleep now. :-)
>
> xoxoxo Pat******Pat - you say "It is normal". Do you really think so? I've looked at it so much as a personal weakness in myself!
luv, Kath
Posted by Kath on May 5, 2008, at 14:57:31
In reply to Re: Letting go of worry? / pottery sale prep/depre » Kath, posted by TexasChic on May 3, 2008, at 22:42:25
> Are you seeing a T at all? If you can't find a good group, maybe a T to talk to and get advice from is the answer. I'm in the process of looking for one myself.
***Dear TC - I go to Group Therapy. If I "need" work, I can ask for it. I can go for short-term counselling through hubby's EAP & the lady I go to is really good, but when I started with the Group Therapy, we'd come to the end of those particular sessions. She said she thought we'd done quite a lot of good work & I agree - I had learned a LOT. She thought it might be good to sort of take a break & 'let it gel'...especially as I was starting group therapy. I tended to agree.
I think that once my sale is over it will be better for me. I think that the sale prep (which always stresses me to some extent) is just too much & is pushing me over the top a bit. Setup day is Wed. Once that's done, I am FINE!!!
So it's only a couple of days now. I really think that once that is out of the way, I'll be able to take a more "take a good step back" from my son attitude.
> I seem to have caught a cold or something, fever (slight but enough to make me feel bad), body aches, post nasal drip, scratchy throat. Being sick always effects my frame of mind. If you feel bad, allow yourself to feel bad. You feel what you feel for a reason.
***So sorry about your cold. Hope the symptoms soon clear.
You're right. I'm trying just to 'be in' the feelings & let it be okay. I really do NOT like to feel badly - be it physical or emotional etc.> Its okay. This is where I whine and complain too. Believe me, I understand where you're coming from! If you hang in there I will too!
***Okay TC - we'll be 'hang in there' buddies!
It's a deal!
I'm feeling quite a bit better today. VERY tempted to go out & do something to avoid putting price tags on my pottery & itemizing them, but I'm not going to - except to go & grab a Tim Horton's steeped tea!!!! LOL
Last night my DEAR husband helped me set out all my work on the livingroom carpet in groups of stuff that will be (for ex) $10, another group of $8 stuff, etc & I put a paper with each group telling the price.
SO THAT is a BIG thing out of the way. Now all I need to do is put the tags on, write on them & type the description of each piece into the database. The actuall deciding how much to charge is VERY hard for me. Each year my husband kindly helps me. It means the world!
Thanks for being my buddie! much love, Kath
PS hope you're feeling totally better very soon. Also wondering basically how you're doing.
Posted by fayeroe on May 5, 2008, at 15:26:36
In reply to Re: Expecting the worst instead of enjoying positives » fayeroe, posted by Kath on May 5, 2008, at 14:43:59
> ....we are naturally going to worry when things start looking "up"> It is normal.
> >
> > We are waiting for the "other shoe to drop".
> > I've done it so many times that I can do it in my sleep now. :-)
> >
> > xoxoxo Pat
>
> ******Pat - you say "It is normal". Do you really think so? I've looked at it so much as a personal weakness in myself!
>
> luv, KathKath, think about this, when someone says "I love you" one thousand times and then says "I hate you" one time.....which statement do we analyze and worry to death? "I hate you".......that is normal behavior.
Waiting for the other shoe to drop is normal and more so when we have been hit in the head with the first shoe. The first one hurt, so would we anticipate that the second one won't hurt as much or more?
Once we've been disappointed, scared, discouraged, angry over how a loved one behaves, we're hyper-sensitive about the future.
You are not weak. I am not weak. We are human beings who would really rather not be hurt again but we expect it to happen.
AND we probably "over-think" things....I know that I do.
I learned years and years ago that expectations will bit me in the *ss everytime I start projecting about how everything is going to "be"...
Trust has to be earned back....we don't just wake up on morning and say, "okay, you are trustworthy now"......(in the prison the slang for untrustworthy is "neffe".....:-)
xoxoxo pat
>
>
Posted by fayeroe on May 5, 2008, at 15:33:27
In reply to Expecting the worst instead of enjoying positives, posted by Kath on May 2, 2008, at 8:39:19
Kath, I am suffering right now with what I call a "low-grade depression" and things really look blurry through those lenses.
Youi're going to be all right and so is your son...maybe not as quickly as you desire, but you will get there.
xoxoxo pat
Posted by Kath on May 5, 2008, at 15:40:59
In reply to Re: Expecting the worst instead of enjoying positives » Kath, posted by fayeroe on May 5, 2008, at 15:26:36
Hi Pat (((((((((((((((((((you))))))))))))))))
Thank you SO much. For so long people have been trying to help me not be so hard on myself about this.
I've just printed your post to me. Somehow, I think I'm finally 'getting it'!! I might need reminding, but your post is joining a couple of others that reside in my purse!
Thank you so much.
luv, Kath
PS - how does one pronounce 'neffe'???
:-)
Posted by fayeroe on May 5, 2008, at 15:52:25
In reply to Re: Expecting the worst instead of enjoying positives » fayeroe, posted by Kath on May 5, 2008, at 15:40:59
> Hi Pat (((((((((((((((((((you))))))))))))))))
>
> Thank you SO much. For so long people have been trying to help me not be so hard on myself about this.
>
> I've just printed your post to me. Somehow, I think I'm finally 'getting it'!! I might need reminding, but your post is joining a couple of others that reside in my purse!
>
> Thank you so much.
>
> luv, Kath
>
> PS - how does one pronounce 'neffe'???Goodness, Kath, I am very flattered that you printed out the post. awwwwwwww.
Neffe is pronounced "nef ee...I caught an offender palming a phillips screwdriver that he had checked out from me in computer class and when I "busted" him, another offender told me that he "is".....neffe..can't trust him. At times, I am a sharp ole bird. :-) I had watched him from the first day he came into my class.
>
> :-)
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