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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on May 26, 2008, at 16:30:44
She called me "dumb *ss" and starting on on about how I didn't thank her boyfriend for installing the wireless card on my computer. I had thanked him, privately.
I'm upset. I'm searching to take a bunch of harmless pills. I don't actually want to be sick because I have to work tomorrow. Maybe I'll take a bunch of Tums, or the Melatonin I have or maybe a bunch of Advil, that should be pretty safe right? Only Tylenol is bad for liver.
Posted by Deneb on May 26, 2008, at 17:01:44
In reply to I had a fight with my sister again, posted by Deneb on May 26, 2008, at 16:30:44
I should buy some sugar pills and take that when I'm upset. Pretend I'm hurting myself, just like how maybe I should use a market to write lines on my arm instead of cutting.
Sugar pills are probably cheaper.
Ugh. OTOH, practising taking sugar pills just makes it easier for me to take a dangerous drug one day.
I need to find a better coping mechanism.
Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2008, at 17:02:41
In reply to I had a fight with my sister again, posted by Deneb on May 26, 2008, at 16:30:44
Deneb, you've seemed more upset than usual lately. Is it because you're therapist is gone?
I understand that you're angry and upset. Your sister isn't being the sister you would like to have. Dr. Bob upset you. And your therapist left you for vacation. I'd be angry too.
But I can't think how taking an overdose would be useful. Your sister and your mother just will not take it well, or sympathetically. How, in reality, do you see your sister responding to it? It wouldn't do to be less than you're best at work when you're trying to climb the corporate ladder.
Instead of taking an overdose, can you think of a more practical and helpful way to communicate how you're feeling? And a more helpful way to moderate those feelings?
I do hear how upset you are. Both about this and about lots of things.
Maybe it would help to journal some of those feelings? Or to say something to your sister about boundaries and the expectations of civility, even in the family? Sometimes when I want to hurt myself, it's because I'm so very angry. If that's what's happening with you right now, might it not be better and more practical to express your anger in a productive way?
Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2008, at 17:04:34
In reply to Re: I had a fight with my sister again » Deneb, posted by Dinah on May 26, 2008, at 17:02:41
Hmmm... actually sometimes when I want to hurt myself it's because I'm not only angry, but I feel trapped and helpless.
You have lots of alternatives. Why don't we problem shoot about that?
Posted by Deneb on May 26, 2008, at 17:30:57
In reply to Re: I had a fight with my sister again » Deneb, posted by Dinah on May 26, 2008, at 17:02:41
> Deneb, you've seemed more upset than usual lately. Is it because you're therapist is gone?
>
> I understand that you're angry and upset. Your sister isn't being the sister you would like to have. Dr. Bob upset you. And your therapist left you for vacation. I'd be angry too.I don't know Dinah. It's probably the combination of things.
>
> But I can't think how taking an overdose would be useful. Your sister and your mother just will not take it well, or sympathetically. How, in reality, do you see your sister responding to it? It wouldn't do to be less than you're best at work when you're trying to climb the corporate ladder.Yeah, it's not helpful. I know I can't really hurt myself. Work is important to me right now and yeah, my sister would just have more fuel against me. I have to be responsible and mature, that's why I thought of taking sugar pills. But that's kind of silly, perhaps I should write in a journal for read or something.
I actually searched online to see if I could buy cheap sugar pills. It seems like they're not as cheap as candy. I think I'm better off popping Skittles. That will be a waste of candy though.
>
> Instead of taking an overdose, can you think of a more practical and helpful way to communicate how you're feeling? And a more helpful way to moderate those feelings?I think I'll read a book for a bit. Writing here helps too. I feel kind of better now. I could play with my hamster, but she's sleeping.
>
> I do hear how upset you are. Both about this and about lots of things.
>
> Maybe it would help to journal some of those feelings? Or to say something to your sister about boundaries and the expectations of civility, even in the family? Sometimes when I want to hurt myself, it's because I'm so very angry. If that's what's happening with you right now, might it not be better and more practical to express your anger in a productive way?I think there is definitely an anger component to my distress. Sometimes I feel like I want to "get back" at people by hurting myself. It doesn't make much sense.
Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2008, at 22:08:48
In reply to Re: I had a fight with my sister again, posted by Deneb on May 26, 2008, at 17:30:57
It does make sense on an emotional level. You can't hurt them directly and don't want to hurt them directly, so you may want to hurt them indirectly by hurting yourself? You want them to be sorry for what they did to you. It's just that it doesn't work. It's an impulse that everyone has experienced from time to time. But it just doesn't work.
My experience is that the only person hurt is myself, and the people that should be hurt are angry instead and blame me entirely. From what you've told me, it sounds as if your experience is similar.
Can you acknowledge your anger, and acknowledge that you want people to feel sorry for hurting you, while recognizing that that isn't the likely result? And then look pragmatically at what might meet your needs more effectively?
Like saying directly that they hurt you, and that you're angry, and that you want them to treat you with more respect in the future so that you can maintain a good relationship with them. That's just an example. It works for some people in my life. Not so much for others. Some I just need to minimize my contact with.
Have you made any changes to your sleeping, eating, or medication regimens lately? That always affects my moods a lot.
Posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2008, at 12:07:27
In reply to Re: I had a fight with my sister again » Deneb, posted by Dinah on May 26, 2008, at 22:08:48
Dinah I thought I was the only one that thought like that and acted like that and at my age it's disgusting. I will cut up new clothes of mine and bang my hands on he floor so it hurts and my husband doesn't acknowledge how bad I feel inside. I just want a hug or for him to say he would have married me even if I got sick. That comment he made that he wouldn't have married me if he knew I'd get sick hurts so bad and no can't process with that T as she doesn't get it. I feel trapped and helpless too. I never thought you felt that way too. Now I find out thyroid is low again and I can't think feel I must be dying. Got any stadegy for me? See Deneb even old ladies feels this way too. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on May 27, 2008, at 13:43:00
In reply to Re: I had a fight with my sister again » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2008, at 12:07:27
I think there is no more natural impulse in the world. Especially when feeling not only angry, but trapped and powerless.
The only problem is that it just doesn't work. Or worse even, it works in the immediate short term, in that people pay attention to the fact that you're upset. But in any but a very immediate sense, it not only doesn't work, but it tends to lead to more of the interpersonal problems that had you feeling upset, angry, and trapped.
It's really hard to find other ways of expressing the pain inside. Ways that let people really understand, and that also don't cause any additional problems for us. It's even harder to start choosing to use them.
For me, my therapist's constant presence helped so much with this. He said that I didn't need to *show* him how bad I felt. That he would believe me if I *told* him.
That may be easier since I have him to listen to me and to believe me and to really understand and try to help me, without my needing to act on the pain. Admittedly, not everyone will do that.
But there will be people here on babble that will hear and understand you, and Deneb, when you say you feel really really bad. When you say you feel angry and trapped or whatever it is you might feel. And there may be others in your life that will hear that.
Posted by Kath on May 28, 2008, at 19:25:26
In reply to Re: I had a fight with my sister again » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2008, at 12:07:27
Phillipa, that must hurt a LOT for him to say that. I suspect not, but is he the type who you can just say "Hey - I need a hug." to??
Sorry Phillipa.
Deneb, I'm glad Dinah can relate & that you two can talk about this. It's really good to hear you trying to find ways that are least harmful to YOU, to deal with your feelings.
I hope you feel better soon. When is your T back?
luv to you both & of course to Dinah too!
xoxoxo Kath
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