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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cactus on July 14, 2008, at 13:40:37
As it comes and it goes
waxing and waning
interupting our life force
in silent suffering
we smile and say
"yeah, I'm fine how are you?"
while the blackness inside is churning like glue
fake smiles are easy to cover the turmoil
while our insides are screaming
I'm starting to boil
In the far distance a klaxon is wailing
but no one else hears it's incessant call
the internal alarm has started to ring
it's happening again what should I do
fight or flight comes to mind
should I find a new pill
from the white coated doctors with sugary smiles
who keep pushing pills, coated in lies
should I wait, should I wait
maybe I'm fine
whoops it's too late the precipice has arrived
and into the blackness I dive
I don't want that pill the last one make me sick
it's from the same class so it might do the trick
but the doctors keep pushing these new shiny pills
filled with the promise that it will cure my ills
yet it's forced down my throat
and I must comply
or it's off to the psych ward
and I'd rather die
the ride is now over and as I get off
the dizziness returns as so does the shock
as withdrawal kicks in
but this ride is different
because my harness is off
the ride now shoots off, unrestrained
I can't stand or talk
I'm stuck to my seat because of the shock
the electrical storm in my brain has begun
lightning flashes every 30 seconds, wow it's bright
but I don't hear the thunder
ringing drowns it out
I tapered it right, just like the doc said
this shouldn't be happening I did EVERYTHING right
sometimes it's worse than before it began
so I won't ever be taking that type of med,
ever again
I live with my sister
her compass is broken
will she find north today and head south
who knows?
her poles are mixed up and anything goes
see it's got to the point
were we are both sick, I've been holding the fort
I've been in remission
but if I don't get out now
there'll be another collision
I can't deal with it anymore
when we go down united as one
the mess is horrendous
at the bottom of the cliff
so I must leave her this time around
for self preservation
I can hear the klaxonC
Dx, mixed depressive episodes, GAD, SP and multiple whacky sleeping disorders
Rx 200mg modafinil, 4mg clonazepam daily. Best combo since I started the med go round 16 years ago.
Posted by daveuk08 on July 14, 2008, at 14:42:03
In reply to self expression, posted by cactus on July 14, 2008, at 13:40:37
my god am I reading this right.
Is this a cry for help.
if so I`m here, what is needed let me help.
So much of what you said I believe is what my Slinky was going through although you put it differently. I`m here others are here tell us, how we can help.If I`ve misread the meaning then I`m sorry
Dave
Posted by Phillipa on July 14, 2008, at 16:50:29
In reply to Re: self expression, posted by daveuk08 on July 14, 2008, at 14:42:03
Ditto cactus are you okay or not? Love Phillipa and we are here for you.
Posted by Kath on July 14, 2008, at 19:37:57
In reply to self expression, posted by cactus on July 14, 2008, at 13:40:37
So sorry for your pain.
One part of your writing made me think of something that I sometimes say when someone asks me 'how are you?'
Depending on who it is, of course, I will sometimes reply, "Do you want the truth, or a polite answer?" Recently, my friend's son replied to THAT with, "A short version of the truth"I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing so frankly with us.
(((((((you)))))))) luv, Kath
Posted by Sky Brite Line on July 14, 2008, at 20:24:53
In reply to self expression, posted by cactus on July 14, 2008, at 13:40:37
that should be published, you express what you are feeling so good. And thanks because this is a gift.
God, and others here hear you.
Sky.
Posted by Sky Brite Line on July 14, 2008, at 21:05:10
In reply to self expression, posted by cactus on July 14, 2008, at 13:40:37
Im reading this over again,
blackness......or mentioned it much in the begging. Blackness is makes anyone think dark. But i since....your surivial intinct through all the problems is incredible. Actually, my regrets are from my choices, i have a learning disorder, i saw that this was not talking, your gift and expertise is through poetry.
believe in hope, OR no faith in better things to happen.
-Sky
Posted by cactus on July 15, 2008, at 0:39:41
In reply to Re: self expression, posted by Sky Brite Line on July 14, 2008, at 21:05:10
I'm actually OK everyone, thanks for your concern, it was just some closure from the past combined with some anguish I'm feeling, yet dealing with this time. It came to me last night in bed and I just needed to get it out. I do listen to warning signs and act on them now. It's just the terror of not know if it's going to work.
I have just come from a session of hypnotherapy and I have another on fri and another on tue. I'm very, very calm at the moment. All is quiet for now.
Peace out people, C :-) Thankyou
Posted by Sky Brite Line on July 15, 2008, at 0:58:54
In reply to Re: self expression, posted by cactus on July 15, 2008, at 0:39:41
you go to a hypnotist? Plus, i know one. The only thing i went to hypnotherpy (i considered it) to make fear go away.
if i go, the'll say, "you will give me 50$ tip after you wake up" i'll do im so gullable, at times....or do arons for him.
What do you think, is hypnotism nice? is it relaxing?
Have a good on'e
Posted by Kath on July 15, 2008, at 8:55:52
In reply to Re: self expression, posted by cactus on July 15, 2008, at 0:39:41
SO glad you're feeling peaceful. Isn't peaceful a wonderful feeling...I love it.
I'm glad you have hypnotherapy. My family doctor does it & I do think it's good. Lately I feel like a lot of the things that used to work really well for me seem to be like trying to fix a broken leg with a bandaid or something!
Thank you for letting us know you're okay.
:-) luv, Kath
Posted by cactus on July 15, 2008, at 14:51:13
In reply to Re: self expression, posted by Sky Brite Line on July 15, 2008, at 0:58:54
it's not like that sky, you remember everything. I would find a fully qualified person though, maybe someone you know can recommend somebody.
This is the end of the thread.
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