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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by obsidian on April 21, 2009, at 20:47:21
granted, treated like sh*t at my job and with the economic crap as it is, it is getting worse. I have no self esteem at all to begin with so I don't think I can go on like this for very long. I guess I'm going to have to spend most of my time at work just trying to think about something else...what should it be??
Posted by Sigismund on April 21, 2009, at 21:01:04
In reply to I feel absolutely unvalued, disregarded, taken for, posted by obsidian on April 21, 2009, at 20:47:21
So, OK, you're afraid of bears, but you need to get away from people and earn money.
yeeeeesssss.
Well, the way people used to make money was from arcane behaviours such as 'training the trainers'.
Perhaps this has gone out of fashion now? We can only hope.How about panning for gold?
Posted by rskontos on April 21, 2009, at 21:54:58
In reply to I feel absolutely unvalued, disregarded, taken for, posted by obsidian on April 21, 2009, at 20:47:21
obsidian,
I am truly sorry you have such a crappy place to work.
How about thinking of how much fun it would be to be rich and famous and how those people that are making you feel bad would suck up to you once you are rich and famous. Or think of all the fun you could have sticking them in cages at the zoo and letting all the animals out.
so I am not sure i cheered you up, but I do feel your pain.
rsk
Posted by Phillipa on April 22, 2009, at 0:18:38
In reply to Re: I feel absolutely unvalued, disregarded, taken » obsidian, posted by rskontos on April 21, 2009, at 21:54:58
How bout we create a land with barter and then no money worries. Okay I'll be the nurse. Now what will you guys be? Love Phillipa
Posted by Sigismund on April 22, 2009, at 3:23:08
In reply to Re: I feel absolutely unvalued, disregarded, taken, posted by Phillipa on April 22, 2009, at 0:18:38
I have no skills whatever, although it occurs to me at this moment that I have learned how to type.
Posted by SLS on April 22, 2009, at 17:16:01
In reply to I feel absolutely unvalued, disregarded, taken for, posted by obsidian on April 21, 2009, at 20:47:21
Hi Obsidian.
See if any of my BS sounds right to you:
Sometimes it helps to stand back from a situation and ask yourself how you benefit from it. What is it that the job gives you? How does having this job enhance your life? Survival is a noble goal.
Maybe it would help for you to be selfish. How can you exploit this job so that it is in your own best interests to continue with it? Is there upward mobility within the company?
Maybe it's not in your own best interests to continue with this particular job. Again, be selfish and exploit having a paying job while you search for something better.
In the meantime, look for humor in the workplace. Even if you don't share your humor about the company with your coworkers, you can certainly keep yourself entertained. Is there any way for you to make your job more fun? If it is your coworkers that represents the biggest problem for you, perhaps you can put into perspective what these people really mean to you. Probably nothing. Don't worry about pleasing them. Please yourself first. You are well worth the effort to make yourself the focus of your attention. In the end, it is your quality of life that matters most. Can you exploit this job to enhance your quality of life? If not, then...
Sorry to write so much. I think this is such a critical issue for you that I thought I could help out a bit. If I didn't appreciate you, I wouldn't have bothered. You are intelligent and likable. That's why I tend to read your posts when I have enough energy to do so.
My self-esteem comes from within. I appreciate myself. I take the time to take inventory of what virtues I have that *I* appreciate. You don't have to be perfect to have self-esteem. Much of my self-esteem comes from the understanding that as a human, I will never be perfect. I just try to use all of what little God gives me to work with in the moment. To know this helps me to appreciate my human strengths and accept my human foibles.
Do you feel somehow different from everyone else? If so, in what ways do you feel different?
- Scott
Posted by Kath on April 22, 2009, at 19:45:54
In reply to I feel absolutely unvalued, disregarded, taken for, posted by obsidian on April 21, 2009, at 20:47:21
Hi Sid,
so sorry hun.
I think Scott had some great things to say!!!
Let us know how you're doing.
luv, Kath
Posted by obsidian on April 23, 2009, at 22:30:36
In reply to Re: I feel absolutely unvalued, disregarded, taken for » obsidian, posted by SLS on April 22, 2009, at 17:16:01
> Hi Obsidian.
>
> See if any of my BS sounds right to you:it's far from BS, thanks for your thoughtful reply :-)
> Sometimes it helps to stand back from a situation and ask yourself how you benefit from it. What is it that the job gives you? How does having this job enhance your life? Survival is a noble goal.Survival has to be a noble goal right? My therapist tonight told me, after complaining about my job, that 'that's real life'...
well no kidding?...and doesn't that suck? I started working when I was like 12, but maybe that's a big part of the problem, all obligation/survival, no life enhancement.
do I need a reality check? I'm all too acquainted with it, the question is how to deal with it. Which goes to your question, 'what does this job give me?' 'how does it enhance my life?'money to pay the bills
some freedom to work with my own ideas
the ability to work very independently (a blessing and a curse)
> Maybe it would help for you to be selfish. How can you exploit this job so that it is in your own best interests to continue with it? Is there upward mobility within the company?no upward mobility for me...hmmm, how can I exploit this job?
some tuition reimbursement??
research possibilities??
learning and incorporating new technology into my work
> Maybe it's not in your own best interests to continue with this particular job. Again, be selfish and exploit having a paying job while you search for something better.it's tough going right now in the job market, but I am starting to put out resumes just to connect with the world beyond this particular workplace
> In the meantime, look for humor in the workplace. Even if you don't share your humor about the company with your coworkers, you can certainly keep yourself entertained. Is there any way for you to make your job more fun? If it is your coworkers that represents the biggest problem for you, perhaps you can put into perspective what these people really mean to you. Probably nothing. Don't worry about pleasing them. Please yourself first. You are well worth the effort to make yourself the focus of your attention. In the end, it is your quality of life that matters most. Can you exploit this job to enhance your quality of life? If not, then...
I like my immediate coworkers (the ones from my dept), but we all work separately within the larger institution
> Sorry to write so much. I think this is such a critical issue for you that I thought I could help out a bit. If I didn't appreciate you, I wouldn't have bothered. You are intelligent and likable. That's why I tend to read your posts when I have enough energy to do so.you're sweet scott, I like reading your posts too.
I like that you've been spending more time over here, I used to only see you on the meds board.> My self-esteem comes from within. I appreciate myself. I take the time to take inventory of what virtues I have that *I* appreciate. You don't have to be perfect to have self-esteem. Much of my self-esteem comes from the understanding that as a human, I will never be perfect. I just try to use all of what little God gives me to work with in the moment. To know this helps me to appreciate my human strengths and accept my human foibles.
Maybe I'll put this above my desk.
> Do you feel somehow different from everyone else? If so, in what ways do you feel different?
yeah, I really do :-(, like there's a party going on that I'm not invited to and also like my work isn't really "necessary" or reflective of a lot of schooling
I wish I had a sense of self esteem separate from most of this. I do need to find something else, or some other aspects of work to focus on.
I saw a career counselor recently, I need to use the assessment tools I used to find something more appropriate for me.
thanks for the questions, they are helpful :-)
-sid
Posted by SLS on April 24, 2009, at 7:35:41
In reply to Re: I feel absolutely unvalued, disregarded, taken for » SLS, posted by obsidian on April 23, 2009, at 22:30:36
Hi.
Someone here once said regarding pessimism, "I think things are good mostly, but some things suck."
Your job sucks. Some people are lucky enough to work at a job that fulfills their passions. Perhaps you need to find passion. You won't find it at your present job, but perhaps a hobby? In my twenties, I couldn't keep a job because of depression. I received no affirmations or fulfillment in employment during this time. The thing that made working worthwhile was that it paid the bills. With paid bills, I could then join a gym and start bodybuilding. Bodybuilding was the passion from which I found satisfaction and fulfillment. You need to find reward somewhere. More recently I have found reward in taking photographs. I have a pretty good eye. I can proudly mount my photos in my apartment. They are pleasing. I did that. I am always being complemented on my photos, so I am often rewarded with affirmations and acceptance.
The reason I asked about your feeling different from everyone else was that this feeling resonates with how I felt for such a long time. Your words were perfect: "...like there's a party going on that I'm not invited to..." Even when I was invited, I felt that the real party was being part of an exclusive club of which I was not a member. I felt alone in that I never felt that I belonged anywhere. I did not feel accepted or approved of. I set myself up so that my self-esteem was dependent on how popular I was. Since I never felt popular, I had very little self-esteem, despite my possessing attributes that I knew were valuable. My self-esteem came from how I *thought* I saw myself in the eyes of others. *I* thought I was not good enough to be part of a party. I only found out later that people did consider me popular. By this time, the importance of this fact was not the popularity, but that I really wasn't much good at seeing myself through the eyes of others AND that it was no longer necessary to bolster my self-esteem by defining myself by what others thought of me.
I was truly alone for an extended period of time. My depression was severe enough to keep me paralyzed and motionless on a couch. I was a shut-in for over a decade. I had no choice but to nurture my self-esteem by seeing myself through my own eyes. I found this to be much less of an effort than to try to please every single person in the rest of the world. I really needed to please only one person.
The more work I invested in myself in self-improvement, the more pleased I became. When I succeeded, I was pleased. When I failed, I learned to be pleased that I could allow myself to be human. In addition, I assumed the posture that from failure comes understanding. I learned to learn from both successes and failures. The only failure is the failure to try. Even this is not really a failure. I believe that most of us are *always* doing the best that we can, even when we do nothing. If I fail to try, it is because I am not in a space that is conducive to trying, whether that be physically or psychologically. I have learned not to beat myself up. Instead, I parent myself. I suppose a cynic would say that I have designed a no-lose scenario. Yup, I sure have.
The above is true babble. I'm not even going to bother reviewing it for editing. I am pleased with the way I feel for having written it, even if it sucks.
- Scott
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