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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by emme on May 10, 2009, at 8:23:41
I just went to the local CVS and as I was checking out, the cashier wished me a happy mother's day. She does not know me from Adam. I do not have children. What on earth is wrong with that woman?? Apparently it did not cross her mind that that might be a terribly painful thing to say to someone if they have wanted a child for a long time and don't have one. I am at home utterly in tears.
Rant over.
Posted by Phillipa on May 10, 2009, at 11:03:41
In reply to Unhappy Mother's Day, posted by emme on May 10, 2009, at 8:23:41
Other side I have three grown kids no card no nothing. I have to forget what day it is. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on May 10, 2009, at 11:52:02
In reply to Unhappy Mother's Day, posted by emme on May 10, 2009, at 8:23:41
((( Emme )))
I think this is a day that can be very painful to many. People who have moms they just can't feel about that way. Mothers whose children don't feel about them in that hearts and candy way. And people who wanted desperately to be moms and weren't able to.
Even the nicest gestures, like giving flowers to moms in church, can end up being reminders of things that weren't to be.
I think people are growing to be more sensible of that, and a lot of the sentiments I hear expressed nowadays try to take those people into account. But change is slow.
I hope someone today tells that cashier that wishing a happy mother's day is a nice gesture, but can be painful for those who aren't mothers.
Posted by Dinah on May 10, 2009, at 11:55:54
In reply to Re: Unhappy Mother's Day » emme, posted by Phillipa on May 10, 2009, at 11:03:41
I don't always give my mother a card. I don't like a lot of the cards out there.
I did call her yesterday and offer to bring the plans for the stained glass panel I'm making for her to her. She said "Then it won't be ready for mother's day?" It won't. But she wasn't feeling well enough to get out and about.
Why don't you give your kids a call, not mention the cards or day, and ask how they're doing? Act as if you have the sort of relationship you wish you had with them and over time maybe you will.
I do that a lot when my relationships with my family are on the trough phase of the relationship wave.
Posted by emme on May 10, 2009, at 17:20:54
In reply to Re: Unhappy Mother's Day » emme, posted by Dinah on May 10, 2009, at 11:52:02
Hi Dinah,
Thanks for the kind words. I've spent the day crying on and off and I'm tired now. Yes, this day can be hard. I avoided going to religious services for fear there would be mother's day activities.
I did end up writing a letter and taking it to the supervisor on duty. I told her I didn't want anyone reprimanded (I didn't specify which employees it was), but that I want them to please be more sensitive as there are women who have difficulties with conception or who may have miscarried or otherwise lost a child. Hopefully the guilty party will hear about this and think twice in the future.
emme
> ((( Emme )))
>
> I think this is a day that can be very painful to many. People who have moms they just can't feel about that way. Mothers whose children don't feel about them in that hearts and candy way. And people who wanted desperately to be moms and weren't able to.
>
> Even the nicest gestures, like giving flowers to moms in church, can end up being reminders of things that weren't to be.
>
> I think people are growing to be more sensible of that, and a lot of the sentiments I hear expressed nowadays try to take those people into account. But change is slow.
>
> I hope someone today tells that cashier that wishing a happy mother's day is a nice gesture, but can be painful for those who aren't mothers.
Posted by emme on May 10, 2009, at 20:55:07
In reply to Re: Unhappy Mother's Day » emme, posted by Phillipa on May 10, 2009, at 11:03:41
> Other side I have three grown kids no card no nothing. I have to forget what day it is. Love Phillipa
I'm sorry it's a tough day for you too. I guess it can be a bit of an emotional minefield for many people, huh?
emme
Posted by Phillipa on May 10, 2009, at 21:47:20
In reply to Re: Unhappy Mother's Day » Phillipa, posted by Dinah on May 10, 2009, at 11:55:54
Dinah my Son called, e-mails from Daughters thanks all is well now. I did e-mail the Daughters first so Son gets the Gold star!!!! Love Phillipa
Posted by SLS on May 10, 2009, at 22:09:05
In reply to Unhappy Mother's Day, posted by emme on May 10, 2009, at 8:23:41
> I am at home utterly in tears.
You never know what you might encounter on an otherwise ordinary day to trigger feelings that are far from being ordinary. The world just doesn't feel the same afterwards. Things can feel out of balance and irrecoverable.
How do you get back to your ordinary world? You don't. You have been changed by this experience. I think you will find yourself in a world that makes more sense if you are honest with yourself as you process this crisis.
I wish for you peace.
- Scott
Posted by Sigismund on May 12, 2009, at 19:36:19
In reply to Unhappy Mother's Day, posted by emme on May 10, 2009, at 8:23:41
In Japan the cashiers would never (I believe, not speaking Japanese) say such a thing.
They don't even want any physical contact.
You put your cash on a tray from which it is taken and the change left there for you to pick up.
Any attempt to hand the money directly gives rise to a questioning look.
I grew to like it. I dislike the fake intimacies of the anglosphere.
Posted by Kath on May 13, 2009, at 20:31:44
In reply to Unhappy Mother's Day, posted by emme on May 10, 2009, at 8:23:41
It seems to be getting crazy.
For example a cashier saying Happy Valentines Day or Happy St. Patrick's Day OR Happy Mother's Day to someone they don't even KNOW.
Or Happy Easter!
The other day I was at the bank machine. A man was at the one beside me. The bank "greeter" at a desk near us & near the door said loudly (It could only have been to us!) Don't forget Mother's Day!!! At first I didn't even realize she was saying it to us & then the man turned to her & said, "I'm an orphan." (quite seriously)
And so she said, "Well, maybe you have a sister or someone to remember."
I was sort of shocked & teed off. I didn't comment or anything, but thought how awful it would be if, for example, one's Mother who they were quite close to, had died the day before or something.
I don't get it with this "Happy this" & "Happy that day" from perfect strangers.
Wouldn't it be nice if people could be pleasant with each other all the time & smile on just an ordinary day. Perhaps say, "I hope you have a pleasant day" or something - but even THAT is risky - they could be on their way to a beloved's funeral - or on their way to the hospital to see a dear, very ill friend, etc.
But how about a smile, or looking pleasantly at others?
Kath
Posted by Sigismund on May 13, 2009, at 21:37:32
In reply to 'Happy FILL IN THE BLANK Day' too rampant, posted by Kath on May 13, 2009, at 20:31:44
Once I was asked in Woolworths
'How are you?'
It wasn't very nice of me, but I'd been through it too many times so I told her (some of) the truth
'My mother died this morning'.As opposed to
'my mother died this morning and telling you is the one thing I've enjoyed since I got up, and even this sucks'.Then there's the old standbys
'I feel like slitting my wrists'
and
'At least I don't work here'.Often they can tell something is wrong with me
(I can tell)
so in that case (if I have decided to be good) I say
'A bit tired'.
Posted by emme on May 15, 2009, at 6:05:26
In reply to 'Happy FILL IN THE BLANK Day' too rampant, posted by Kath on May 13, 2009, at 20:31:44
> The other day I was at the bank machine. A man was at the one beside me. The bank "greeter" at a desk near us & near the door said loudly (It could only have been to us!) Don't forget Mother's Day!!! At first I didn't even realize she was saying it to us & then the man turned to her & said, "I'm an orphan." (quite seriously)
Ouch.
> But how about a smile, or looking pleasantly at others?Absolutely. Or the odd random nice act. Before EZ-Pass, when I was traveling up or down the northeast corridor, I would occasionally pay the toll for the person behind me just for kicks. For 35 or 50 cents, I'd see some person come out of the toll booth behind me very happy and smiling and waving.
About a year and a half ago, I was driving a rental car and came up to an expensive toll for a major bridge. When I got up to the toll booth, I was told that the strangers in the car ahead of me had paid my toll! I was blown away.
Posted by desolationrower on May 19, 2009, at 9:37:59
In reply to 'Happy FILL IN THE BLANK Day' too rampant, posted by Kath on May 13, 2009, at 20:31:44
i like holidays. i think we need far more.
-d/r
Posted by Kath on May 19, 2009, at 19:22:06
In reply to Re: 'Happy FILL IN THE BLANK Day' too rampant » Kath, posted by emme on May 15, 2009, at 6:05:26
Posted by Kath on May 19, 2009, at 19:26:19
In reply to Re: 'Happy FILL IN THE BLANK Day' too rampant » Kath, posted by desolationrower on May 19, 2009, at 9:37:59
I like them also. I guess I'd like to see the goodwill that seems to come more naturally to people at holiday time, be displayed more often & not mainly on holidays.
I like holidays, but I like them to be 'emotionless'!!! lol
I'm in Canada & we just had "Victoria Day" which is sorta hilarious, because it's celebrating the birthday of some British queen who has been dead for decades! & my husband said that a coworker from England said they don't even celebrate it there!!!
Kath
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