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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by inanimate peanut on December 6, 2009, at 16:24:01
I feel like a loser right now. I used to move every year for school and make friends wherever I went. Now, I've been in the same city for 3 years and have no friends here at all. I had a boyfriend for a while and didn't really bother with meeting anyone else. He left because he couldn't handle the bipolar and now I have no one. I just can't seem to make friends when I'm depressed and have become more and more reclusive since I've been ill. I don't go to bars or church so I don't have much chance of meeting people. I have family I'm close to that live 100 miles away and a good friend that I stay in touch with 50 miles away, but no social support here. Has that happened to anyone else? Has your illness made you more isolated? I don't like most people anymore either, or feel like I have much in common with them. I just don't want to turn into a complete recluse!
Posted by manic666 on December 7, 2009, at 7:19:35
In reply to feeling friendless, posted by inanimate peanut on December 6, 2009, at 16:24:01
you can be surrounded by people an still be alone ,bad news aint it,i have lots of friends but dont arrange to meet them// or i would not show up.i tend to go out on my own an meet people that way, .They all no me as you tend to go a bit over the top an they think your funny. you dont let them see the sh*t side. in relationship,s im affraid they see both sides an unless in love with you quickly they vanish,its harder for a girl ,you carnt just stroll in bars without getting hit on.a luxoury us guys dont have
Posted by janejane on December 8, 2009, at 10:40:04
In reply to feeling friendless, posted by inanimate peanut on December 6, 2009, at 16:24:01
I know exactly what you're going through, peanut. I'm in a relationship now but was very lonely for many years. I know how hard it can be to make friends when you live in a different city, plus being depressed and shy (in my case) can make it that much harder to meet people.
Have you ever tried using personal ads? I have in the past and found them to be a great way to meet really nice, smart, fascinating people I wouldn't have met ordinarily. Not just to date, but regular friends to hang out with. There are probably a lot of people in your area who are in the same boat as you and would like to be friends with you if you could only find one another.
If you've never used ads before you just have to remember to be safe and don't give out too much personal info at first. Get a feel for whether you have stuff in common before agreeing to meet, then meet in a public place, since you can never be too cautious these days. I made quite a few platonic same and opposite sex friends through ads. Boyfriends too.
Please know there are others who understand exactly what you're going through. Write back and less us know how you're doing.
Posted by TexasChic on December 12, 2009, at 10:52:21
In reply to feeling friendless, posted by inanimate peanut on December 6, 2009, at 16:24:01
I understand COMPLETELY! I have no true close friends IRL. I have posted many times about what a recluse I'm turning into too. But I am trying to reach out, and I think that is all you can do - keep trying. Its uncomfortable, and sometimes it doesn't work out, but to keep trying is better than giving up! If you give up you have no hope at all, but if you keep trying there is still hope.
I've tried connecting with people from work, from the apartments I live in, old schoolmates, and through various social networks. There's this thing called meetup.com that lets people arrange get-togethers for any subject under the sun! I went to a few meetups several years ago and met some cool people. I'm sure its still around, and probably other things like it now too.
Another way to meet people is through volunteering. I've thought about volunteering at an animal shelter since I love animals so much. Even if I didn't meet any potential friends, it would feel good to be around the unconditional love of animals.
I'm still more or less a recluse, but I'm beginning to see people responding to my attempts at friendship, and its very encouraging. It makes me want to try harder. I hope it helps to know there are others who feel like you do. Hang in there.
-T
Posted by inanimate peanut on December 13, 2009, at 12:04:19
In reply to Re: feeling friendless » inanimate peanut, posted by TexasChic on December 12, 2009, at 10:52:21
Thanks for your encouragement. Too bad you're in Texas-- we could meet up :-). I met a couple people last week in the partial hospital program that I was in. I think I could meet some more people if I started to feel better-- it's just hard to meet and engage people when you're depressed. If it get stable again, that needs to be my first priority!
Posted by inanimate peanut on December 13, 2009, at 12:05:32
In reply to Re: feeling friendless » inanimate peanut, posted by janejane on December 8, 2009, at 10:40:04
What sites do you use for ads? I'm only aware of match.com and the like and those aren't good for meeting same-sex friends or really even opposite sex if you're just looking for friends...
Posted by janejane on December 13, 2009, at 16:02:27
In reply to Re: feeling friendless » janejane, posted by inanimate peanut on December 13, 2009, at 12:05:32
> What sites do you use for ads? I'm only aware of match.com and the like and those aren't good for meeting same-sex friends or really even opposite sex if you're just looking for friends...
Peanut,
I've never used match.com, so I can't compare, but the one I used in the past was good for "just friends" type stuff in addition to dating. I just sent you a babblemail with the link.
-Jane
Posted by rnny on December 28, 2009, at 17:50:25
In reply to feeling friendless, posted by inanimate peanut on December 6, 2009, at 16:24:01
Oh yes, my illness has made me isolate. Very much so to the point at times where I have felt and feel that I am not close to one person on the entire planet. That feeling is horrible!
Posted by Pabo on January 9, 2010, at 22:07:59
In reply to feeling friendless, posted by inanimate peanut on December 6, 2009, at 16:24:01
> I feel like a loser right now. I used to move every year for school and make friends wherever I went. Now, I've been in the same city for 3 years and have no friends here at all. I had a boyfriend for a while and didn't really bother with meeting anyone else. He left because he couldn't handle the bipolar and now I have no one. I just can't seem to make friends when I'm depressed and have become more and more reclusive since I've been ill. I don't go to bars or church so I don't have much chance of meeting people. I have family I'm close to that live 100 miles away and a good friend that I stay in touch with 50 miles away, but no social support here. Has that happened to anyone else? Has your illness made you more isolated? I don't like most people anymore either, or feel like I have much in common with them. I just don't want to turn into a complete recluse!
Hi to you, inanimate peanut,
I read your above post and saw you've had five different people respond.
Moving can be difficult, but it also presents an opportunity to have many new experiences.
You've volunteered your a student, lots of people with common interests can be met there. Your fellow students have to have, at minimal, school subjects in common. By now you've probably returned to school after the holidays. People offered many suggestions; Volunteering was suggested, another good way to meet people with interests in common. Internet contacts was also mentioned, but be careful, as some people can easily obfuscate their motives.
You have said you made friends wherever you went, but you added you temporarily aren't feeling well and this has interfered with meeting others. Having bi-polar traits have two sides, when you're in the 'manic' or high energy phase, you have that 'high energy' advantage. While you're up, I hope you sense this energy and use it to your advantage. I would think it be be like having a CNS stimulant, without the accompanying confused thoughts.
Everyone feels lonely at times, and this is NORMAL. Reach out as you can, and don't envelope yourself with the transient down side of being bi-polar. Niether allow using only this stage to define you, you're many faceted, like a gem, and that's what gives a diamond it's brilliance.
You say you had a boyfriend, read 'friend' and you have family. Lot's of people lack any support.
I hope you can realize that all is not comparable. I don't know anyone who's happy all the time. Realize almost everything is temporary and by definition your ailment is dynamic. Try to be positive, and share your up-side as much as possible, especially when meeting new people. I know you've heard the adage 'laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone'. This statement was made from many, well founded, observations. Be good to yourself, try to be good with others and remember most things change.
Try to get in touch with your self-esteem, and don't let other's opinions bother you. We are all our own best friends, and there can be solace in solitude. I offer you my thoughts, being someone who's been experiencing your ailment for 4 decades. I wish to not be vulgar, but I was advised to say "freak it", 'substitute what works for you' when feeling overwhelmed. Your journey may have steep climbs, but you can reach the summit.Closing, hoping you feel better and advising you to not be your harshest judge, while wishing you success.
Pabo
This is the end of the thread.
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